Girl in Gold Boots (1968)

GIRL IN GOLD BOOTS is another dreadful film from cult film-maker Ted V. Mikels and possibly even worse than his usual fare, which at least had the distinction of being horror or science fiction efforts with the occasionally inspired lunacy that those genres bring. By contrast, GIRL IN GOLD BOOTS has absolutely no idea of what it actually wants to be.The film's protagonist - played by the entirely wooden and talent-free Jody Daniels - decides to make something of her life, so she moves to Los Angeles and becomes a go-go dancer in a deadbeat bar. Go figure. Lots of musical scenes and endless loops of girls dancing around while wearing very little is the end result of this production, which takes patience-testing to the next level. An occasional random action scene is thrown into the mix in a bid to keep viewers watching, but it's all so dreadful but even the most ardent of exploitation fans will be bored out of their brains by this one.

OK, first let me say that, yes, I happened to see this film on Mystery Science Theatre 3000.Nothing in this film works. The acting was terrible, if not almost non-existent. The script was all over the place, if again, also non-existent. Don't even get me started on the editing. (And a quick side note to the reviewer who actually went out of his way to buy the DVD. Yes the bad editing is there in the print they used in MST3K, but I'm guessing they tried their best to clean it up for the DVD. I don't know. I didn't like or hate this movie enough to go out and buy the DVD.) Most of the male characters were all miscast. The Buz and Critter characters were written (and written poorly at that) to be younger, around age 18-21, and the actors playing them are at the very least in their 30's.And in the case of the females, while their acting and dancing skills are what contributes to how horrible this film is, the fact that a good majority of the film is just them "bouncing around on the dance floor" is what saves this film from getting a 1 rating from me. And yes, you can say it, I'm a sick and dirty pervert. But come on! You try to sit through a movie like this, even if it is on MST3K, and not get caught up in staring at a couple of voluptuous ladies, even if they are dancing badly.I've also seen a few reviewers say that the music is terrible. In the case of the "songs" "sung" by "Critter", I totally agree with you (and yes I put "quotations" around those 3 words on purpose). However, the real rock songs aren't THAT bad. I mean, yeah, they're not very good rock and roll tunes, but I've heard WAY worse music to come out of the 60's. Although yes, it does get a bit annoying hearing the theme song after the 3rd or 4th time. But I'd rather hear that over and over again, instead of that sappy tune that "Critter" "sings" in the rain while flashbacks of Michelle just pop in and out for no reason. Although, another thing that saved this movie from a 1 rating from me was the fact that I'm a musician, and besides the ladies, I was interested in the gear that "the band" had. For me, the 60's and 70's was the Golden age of musical equipment. But it just goes to show you how bad a movie is when a music geek like me is more interested in seeing what kind of guitar amps they're using on stage instead of the movie itself.And finally, the biggest thing that irked me about this movie was the ending. OK, so Critter corners the bad guys, and calls the cops. Then Critter decides that he might as well be a man and go to Vietnam, but first he'll get hitched to Michelle, but not before singing a terrible song accompanied by Michelle's terrible dancing. WORST ENDING EVER!!! OK, in the time that it would've taken the cops to get there, somebody could've done something. Any number of things could've went wrong for our heroes. But no. The scriptwriter decided to give us a nice happy ending with a crappy musical number. I agree with the other reviewer who pretty much describes the ending as sold out. But that phrase works on so many levels. Yeah, Critter sold out to Uncle Sam and joined the army. But the ending sold out to schlock. They could've at least had a big gun fight or a chase or something, with at least one or 2 main characters dying. It might've still been pretty bad, but it probably would've been a heck of a lot more interesting that the actual proceedings.Basically, this film is not worth it unless you watch the MST3K episode. But then again, it's not THAT bad. I mean, it's REALLY bad, but there are still worse films than this.

I absolutely love this movie, I don't know why. It's terrible in all of its parts. I've seen epileptics who have better dance moves than the title character and the girl Michelle. The songs are mediocre at best, the continuity and editing are both terrible, almost everybody in the film is oily looking and/or ugly, and there is no plot to speak of whatsoever. That said, for some reason despite these things(or maybe because of them), this movie is hilarious. The MST3K version is a delight, although something tells me that I'd still laugh a lot just watching it uncut. Michelle is not only the most untalented dancer that I've ever seen, she is dumber than a bag of hammers. 'Critter' is blandly good looking and not very talented at his chosen craft either. Buzz is a horrible little greaseball, and yet Michelle shacks up with him because he promises her that he can help her become a dancer with the aid of his drugged out sister(who also is a completely untalented dancer). But then, considering her disgusting drunker father, who she was still living and working with even though she had to be in her mid-twenties at least - Michelle does not have good taste in men or the brains to know when its a bad idea to shack up with a guy who carries a gun and pistol whips people with it at the drop of a hat. They all get mixed up with an oily drug dealer, and Buzz ends up killing a guy over heroin. He just gets better and better! The immensely lame 'plot' sort of trails off, as Critter goes off to fight in Vietnam after pummeling Buzz and Leo half to death. This after many, many horrible scenes of Michelle and/or Buzz's sister dancing. Stupid, completely stupid. But somehow, delightfully so. Makes me laugh every time I watch it.

When I first watched this piece of junk, it was in the company of my MST3K buddies, Mike and his irrepressible funny robots Crow and Tom Serbo...thank goodness for such an occasion, because frankly there is no way in hell I would have seen it "MST3K-free"!! For a moment, I could've sworn the Buzz character was Regis Philbin in his early acting career before "Regis and Kathy Lee" hit the spotlight well over a decade later (hey, got to start somewhere!)... until the credits later rolled and discovered it was a total unknown by the name of Tom Pace (WHO???) Some bubble-headed coffee-shop gal takes up on an offer to ride with the RP look-alike, picking up a simpleton loser named Critter in the process, and heading for possibly the biggest Red Light District L.A. has to offer...just so she can be a dancer! God, what a waste of film! Throw in some real bad acting, atrocious editing (The U.S.S. Enterprise had to be orbiting Earth that day because the way Buzz suddenly "beams" into the screen in the restaurant booth...), the sleaziest, oil-enhanced night club owners ever seen, not to mention a senseless dune buggy shot, an unheard-of prison system program with thugs walking in and out of a jail at will, lousy songs and the Beach Boy-wannabes that perform them, and finally a dialog that can only compete with that of a '70s porno flick, and you've got yourself two choices: Watch it on its original version in which case you will senselessly throw away two hours of your lifetime...or watch the MST3K Version, and get yourself a bucketful of laughs. The guys from the Satellite of Love will brand it their hysterical form of justice.