Jack of Diamonds (1967)

Typically glossy and bland 1960s international caper which, though harmless enough while it’s on, emerges an unnecessarily long haul because the running-time is padded with scenes in which the likes of Zsa Gabor, Carroll Baker and Lilli Palmer appear as themselves(!), purporting to be famous victims of the titular cat-burglar! The lead is played by a properly dashing George Hamilton; his mentor – the “Ace Of Diamonds” – is a suave Joseph Cotten; on their trail is insurance investigator Wolfgang Preiss – while Maurice Evans and Marie Laforet first prove rivals, then associates, in their schemes (Cotten having been involved, both romantically and ‘professionally’, with the girl’s deceased mother). Though wholly unsurprising (with the various robberies mildly generating the expected suspense), actor-turned-director Taylor’s treatment at least maintains an agreeably light touch throughout – the denouement, then, provides a clever ruse by which our roguish heroes can still go free in the end.

"The Jack of Diamonds" is a most enjoyable film, for fans of Mr. Hamilton. The story is that of a retired jewel thief (Joseph Cotton) who is known as "The Ace of Diamonds." Although he has long since retired, his new protégé George Hamilton has earned the reputation of a world class Cat Bugler and is so proficient he has come to the attention of international Insurance investigator Von Schenk (Wolfgang Presiss.) The insurance organization and the police are very interested in capturing him and the other two re-known jewel thieves like the King and Queen of Diamonds, (Murice Evans and Maire Laforte) and their aid Helmut (Karl Lieffen). They plan on going after the World Series of Jewels called the Hazerhoff Collection and will need all their collective skills to obtain it as it is not only well guarded, but the insurance company is waiting for them to try. Fun is an understatement, as the combined star power makes the film as interesting as the caper itself. A good film in any sense of the word. ****

One great line in the film. After Gabor's jewels were stolen the second time the Press showed up at the scene of the crime to interview her. One Reporter asked if she had seen the Cat Burglar. She said: "No, but that he must have seen me". Feigning surprise after looking her body up & down he said: "Why would the burglar have left?". Gabor retorted: "There isn't a straight man left in America"! They all laughed and left. Now given that this film was released in 1967 the expression 'straight' seems ahead of it's time and yet there seems no doubt as to what was implied. Was this some in-joke as surely Gabor had done much 'research' in her personal life. I'm sure the audience laughed with the Reporters yet only a few would have known what the joke really was.

The makings of a classic, suspenseful heist film are in place here, but the film only partly succeeds. Hamilton plays the title character, a wall-climbing, scuba-diving burglar who specializes in nabbing priceless baubles and who was trained by a master, the Ace of Diamonds (Cotten.) Cotten's old pal Evans, along with Evans' step-daughter Laforet, convinces Hamilton to go in on a practically impossible job, removing a prized necklace and brooch from a virtually impregnable stronghold (after first obtaining a vault combination from the middle of Paris police headquarters!) The foursome plots and trains and plans until the big day arrives while Preiss closes in on them as fast as he can. Hamilton is quite fit and manages to be fairly convincing in his somewhat larger-than-life role. Cotten is less believable, though his character is in retirement, which helps. Evans is relatively amusing in his controlling characterization. Laforet is beautiful and surprisingly decent in a role that is substantially window-dressing. Some of the set pieces are tiresome (such as Hamilton's and Laforet's meet--cute on the ski slopes) but the big heist itself is pretty suspenseful and well-handled. Hamilton also has a neat home complete with a trapeze, an indoor pool and a secret compartment for jewel cutting. Three glamorous ladies appear as themselves (!) in utterly pointless cameos that do little to enhance the film except that they add a bit of feminine attractiveness (which Laforet handles rather nicely anyway.) Of the trio of Palmer, Baker and Gabor, only Gabor gets to say anything remotely interesting and even her presence is limited. (At this point, her negligible film career was already waning and she was basically doing guest shots, yet she is portrayed as a busy, successful actress who has a 6:00 call!) One thing that could divide a lot of viewers is the overbearing and exceedingly whimsical music score which features voices doo-dooing and whee-ing away continually. Some may get the humor, others will be lying on the floor with blood trickling out of their ears. It's a fanciful, stylish, but also rather undistinguished tale without a lot to recommend it unless one is a fan of Hamilton or of the genre in particular. The ground has been covered many times before and after and often in a better way.