The Apocalypse (1997)

The day I watched this movie was the dullest day in my life. I was sick, I was alone at home, the PC was being fixed, and there was ABSOLUTELY nothing else on the TV. Otherwise, there is no way I'm watching this movie. Now, thinking back, I wonder why I watched the whole crap... It's more than just stupid. It is stupidity and beyond. And... Sandra Bernhard appears to be the name, is so ugly, it's unbelievable. And I ask you? Who funded this peace of garbage? Who was dump enough? They didn't even tried... They use motorbike helmets with some plaster on them for the space suits!!! I can go on and on about how much this movie sucks, about the clichés, about the stupid bloopers, but... what's the point? The point is that if you haven't, than you should NEVER watch this film, unless you're a complete and total idiot. It's not even funny in it's stupidity... damn...

This movie is not as bad as it may seem at first. The screenplay is ludicrous sometimes, but the actors save the day: Sandra Bernhard plays the captain of a spaceship who hates the rest of the world and spends her time off in bars, kicking some teeth in. Tougher than Ripley ("Alien"), less scrupulous than Han Solo ("Star Wars"). Frank Zagarino is an intense villain who gets plenty of opportunity to hurt and kill people. And Laura San Giacomo I remember from "Quigley" is amazing as the crazy programmer using Shakespeare quotes for passwords.Talking about quotes, here's my favorite line from the movie (re-translated from German dubbed version, so maybe not exactly the same words): "There's no danger our ship could be hit by a meteor. It is too big." Say you love logical thinking.Anyway, I found this quite entertaining despite several flaws in the story (voted 5/10). The worst one: we are not told what became of the programmer, she just disappears from the spaceship. One little correction: the cargo on board threatening to destroy the Earth is not nuclear warheads as mentioned in the plot outline, it's an element named "Solarium" that will blow up when staying too long in a magnetic field.

This film could have been interesting, but it wasn't. The thing that seemed most odd about this film was that a few times during the movie, the group started fighting with the guy who was trying to figure out the puzzles and save the ship. I suppose they figured that if he was beat senseless he could solve the problems more efficiently. Anyway, I try to find some reason to see a movie in most of my reviews, so you might consider this movie if you're interested in weird uses of Shakespeare.

It wasn't even GOOD male bashing. There are no words for it. I'd much rather watch LOGAN'S RUN for the 50th time, or PIGS! Maybe kick back, drink some kerosene and have a little smoke. Sandra Bernhard is so harsh, she's long since left off being funny.