Haunting Desires (2006)

Many a B-movie fan blame Jim Wynorski, David DeCoteau and this film's director, Fred Olen Ray (using the alias "Nicholas Medina"), for turning the low-budget horror industry into one big, dull, plot less soft-core sex romp. All three have some enjoyable flicks under their belt, but this one's unfortunately a prime example of their detractors' gripe; a vampire movie with awful acting, lame writing and a tired, boring plot about bloodsuckers working out of a strip club. Beverly Lynne, a short-haired blonde who used to be a pro football cheerleader and frequently acts in these things, is Jill, a struggling reporter for "Crime Beat" magazine. She goes undercover in the club to investigate a murder. Jay Richardson virtually replays his 'Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers' part as an aged detective who calls everyone around him "kid." The owner of the exclusive "Underground" strip club is played by long-haired porn actor Evan Stone, who proves he's an old-fashioned kind of vampire by keeping his pants on during his sex scenes. He talks softly, wears a frilly shirt, mascara and black fingernail polish, is seen for about two seconds as a winged monster, claims to be two-thousand years old and presides over a live sex show where everyone wears masks. One evening, he shows up at Jill's place and tells her to "give into the darkness," which results in an aerobic sex romp that seems more like a professional wrestling bout than a piece of erotica. Jill is bit (on her breast), but never becomes a vampire.There are at least half a dozen time-devouring topless strip sequences and just as many sex scenes. We also get some S&M, a threesome, two token lesbian scenes, some awful computer effects (the slow-motion bullet is hilarious) and typical Ray movie in-jokes. The ending is as mundane as they get. I've also seen enough of these things by now to recognize that the music itself was even reused scores from 'Haunting Fear' and 'Sorceress.' The composer of those scores is a guy be the name of Chuck Cirino, who has been contributing great, catchy theme music to B films for twenty years and deserves some recognition for it. He's given a "special thanks" in the end credits, along with Gail Harris (the great star of Wynorski's 'Hard to Die' and 'Sorority House Massacre II'), Skye Blue, Richard Gabai and George Stover.

I set the VCR timer for this movie. which was being shown in the wee, wee small hours of the morning, on Cinemax; well past my bedtime, anyway. The title intrigued me, and so did the brief description, outlining the plot. Okay, so I just viewed the tape - in broad daylight - NOT that there were any scares, or anything. The "plot" of the film (flimsy as it is) takes up about 5 minutes of running time. The other 85 minutes is soft core porn: male-on-female, female (lezbo action!) on female and male on multiple females. It's standard cable fare, LOTS of writhing but NO penetration. Hardcore porn star, Evan Stone (who looks like a cross between Fabio and Skid Row lead singer, Sebastian Bach), plays "Adrian," a 2,000 year old vampire. Unfortunately, he speaks in a soft whisper, making it hard (something the movie fails to do!) to understand him. Maybe if the producers of this flick had had the resources ($$$), they could've gotten horror movie veteran, Christopher Lee, to dub Evan's lines. As it is, it looks like they had a $1.98 budget. Anyway, the lead actress, Beverly Lynne, is H-O-T!! With her spiky blonde hair, she reminded me of a young Lorrie Morgan. You Country music fans KNOW who I'm talking about! The other babes in the movie are pretty hot, too, especially the busty brunette vampire who figures in the film's "twist" ending. I place sarcastic quotation marks around the word twist, because the denouement can be seen a mile away.There you have it: cheesy plot, cheesy dialogue, tepid acting, lazy direction, lame vampire villain and sort of makes it wiggle in your pants soft core sex. It's too bad they didn't make a hardcore version of this movie; I just might've purchased the DVD. Bottom line, I give this film a 4 out of a possible 10, JUST because of Beverly Lynne's sterling presence. Otherwise, I'd rate it a 2.

A fruity gothed out vampire runs a stripclub of his minions when reporter, Jill, snoops around with a private dick called Trout. With an ending straight out of "Bordello of Blood". And as crap as "Bordello of Blood" was, it's a million times better then this garbage. Wow, first Jim Wynorski lets me down with his 'even nudity can be dull' opus that is "Busty Cops", now Fred Olen Ray gives us this steaming pile (Not to mention Bruce Springsteen not knowing when to shut the F up about politics and just sing the damn songs). ALL my 80's favorites are going down the tubes. MAN, I'm depressed!!My Grade: F

This flick was terrible, the only thing that I found haunting was this troll looking Fabio wanna be vampire that looked like he had a very bad face lift and terrible sex moves try to seduce a female into becoming one of his kind.One of those low budget soft porn horror flicks which seems to be the norm in todays horror films really bores me to tears. This one isn't even erotic enough to be porn or horror. And the ending was even more terrible than the film itself. The leading lady suspects that her husband is cheating on her and ends up in a nightclub which provides entertainment such as lesbian acts, domination and live sex acts (all of which are so lame not even the cheapest porn star would do a better job) ends up talking to this weird vampire that tries to cater to her "hidden" desires by seducing her into lesbian stage dancing and making love to him. She is accompanied by a detective that happens to be trying to catch this vampire and is also lured into his cult of perverts. The detective is what spoils the movie; his acting is lame, his character is useless and his part in the ending was beyond laughable. Avoid this one.