Zombie Island Massacre (1984)

A group of dopey American tourists who are vacationing on a Caribbean island find themselves in great danger after they witness a voodoo ceremony. Sound good? Well, it just ain't. Man, doe this cinematic bilge stink something rotten in every possible way: We've got flat (non)direction by John N. Carter, hokey false scares, a meandering story that plods along at an excruciatingly pokey pace, zero tension or creepy atmosphere, annoying and unlikable idiotic characters who do the dumbest things to exacerbate the severity of their already dire situation, lame and unconvincing gore, variable acting from a no-name cast, Harry Manfredini's familiar score blatantly recycles cues from his "Friday the 13th" music, and, worst of all, the shoddy paint-by-the-numbers script by Logan O'Neill and William Stoddard even provides an irritating and disappointing logical explanation for what's happening. On the plus side, busty former congressional housewife and Playboy model Rita Jenrette bares her exquisitely enormous breasts during a gloriously gratuitous shower scene at the very start of the movie, although to be brutally honest Rita's horrendous attempts at "acting" leave a lot to be desired. A dismal dud.

First off trading standards should be prosecuting the makers of this film. It clearly states the words "Zombie" and "Massacre" in it's title ! Where on earth are the zombies??? And as for a "massacre" -all we get is a group of instantly fogetable characters slowly waddling about an island ...well a crap set ..and later a house ...before being bumped off one by one by irate local natives ! Awful story which tries to have a drug-smuggling related twist at the end but frankly you couldn't give a toss by then . No gore , no zombies just an awful boring , tedious film with nothing of remote interest in it's plot or anything....there's nothing even ironically funny in its awfulness to redeem it. Awful poo film.

This movie gives alternate meaning to the designation horror film. The horror lies in the very idea that it was conceived and executed at all. If you ever wondered if a film could be so bad that it would make Ed Wood turn over in his grave, wonder no more. This is it. The acting is so pathetic that it's comical. I'd like to meet the person who told any of these people that they could act. She/he is undoubtedly the best con artist going. One of the challenges of acting in a horror film is being able to react believably under the extreme and fantastic circumstances of the story. These actors could not say hello without seeming unnatural or affected. My advice to all readers is that you watch this movie when you are feeling depressed. It will make you laugh yourself silly and restore you self esteem. It's Prozac without the prescription.

This is the first Troma picture I have seen that is basically a serious horror movie. What I mean is they never get really goofy here. Unfortunately, this probably turned off all the Troma fans out there. Then the title probably got zombie lovers attention and when they see this movie has basically one zombie who is not really involved with the plot they get ticked off and give the movie a one. I had low expectations so that is why I gave it a five. I did not think it was really all that good, but I also did not think it was all that bad. It was a watchable horror movie on an island with a few good kills and an easily predicted plot twist or two. I got this in a pack with two other Troma movies "Blood Hook" and "Blades" and I enjoyed this one the most even though the other two have higher scores. Still I understand why it has such a low score, when you are all set to see a zombie movie and you are not given any you do tend to get angry. I will admit this one would have been better if there were zombies swarming all over the house they take shelter in, but since I read some stuff before I watched it I knew it was not going to be a zombie movie per se.