Dismembering Christmas (2015)

Are you tired of all the fake reviews? You just know it's the director, or one of those terrible actors sitting behind their computer screens, writing whatever it takes to get you to watch their truly awful horror films, right? Do not fear, Krackoon is here - and I trash on, well, just about everything.So, what about 'Dismembering Christmas?' Well, after the credits started to roll, I wanted to disremember ever seeing it. You can pretty much guess what you're in for, when you read the phrase 'a group of friends,' because you know there's going to be a cabin, and a person wearing a really cheap mask, right around the corner. So, if you want your halls decked with bad acting, horrible sound/music, poorly written dialogue, then 'Dismembering Christmas' is as good as the director, who wrote the fake review, says it is. The dialogue here is about as robotic as I've seen in a while - 'Sam.. we.. have.. to.. get.. out.. of.. here' These people make Robocop seem like your average every day guy.The acting is about three notches below bad - The 'Joan' character just paves the way for how bad it's going to get. I must apologize here, because when 'Joan' first made her appearance, I thought the character was actually played by a male dressed in drag. It wasn't until I loaded up IMDb, that I found out the part is actually played by Marla Van Lanen, whom I assume is actually a female. Sorry, Marla. It was an honest mistake.Random Ramblings of a Madman: Fake reviews aren't going to go away, but let's be honest here - If you thought a movie called 'Dismembering Christmas,' was going to be anything but bad - who is really to blame?

My favorite time of the year is approaching, Fall! Sometimes,...(well most of the time), retailers start pulling out the Christmas decorations and candy before we have even gotten through Halloween. So what better way to start prepping for fall/winter holidays, start pulling out the holiday themed horror movies! I think the best part about the cold weather is snuggling up with your lovey and popping in some classic horror movies. As a rabid slasher fan, the Christmas Holiday has influenced some great horror films, I really enjoy 70's and 80's titles like ---> To All A Goodnight, Home for the Holidays, Silent Night Deadly Night, Elves and the ultimate classic, Black Christmas (and I love the remake too...don't judge me!). So what does a slasher movie called 'Dismembering Christmas' have to offer for the "old school" slasher fans, such as myself? Plenty!!!First, upon watching you may recognize a couple familiar faces and names from the crew of Don't Go to the Reunion (2013), this was what got me excited since I am a huge fan of that film as well as Slasher Studious other releases. Kicking the film off was a pretty awesome cameo from co-writer/executive producer Kevin Sommerfield, I thought it was a great scene and really set the tone for the film. From there we are introduced to eight friends that are traveling to stay in a cabin for the Christmas Holiday, unbeknownst to them there was a few murders years ago and somebody wants to make sure they remember this holiday....cue horror synth!What was exciting about this film was the chilly setting. Here, you have the cabin out in the sticks with nothing but snow for miles, this already isolates the viewers and sets up a nice dynamic later for some great chase scenes. Speaking of chase scenes, this movie had some great stalk and chase, major thumbs up. From running through treacherous terrain, to having to maneuver through the interiors of the cabin, the hide and seek with this killer was highly effective. Also, there were some really nice pov shots of the interiors of the cabin and the decorations, I immediately thought of Black Christmas as "Billy" made his way throughout the house.Now, on to the slasher, my favorite part of the film. This killer sports a wicked mask, it kind of reminded me of an interpretation of "Boo Hag" from Canadian Folklore, pale with long dark hair. Armed with a very interesting blade, this slasher gave good KILL. The kills ranged from stabbings to decapitations, to a very fun "wreath kill". Goltz and Sommerfield know what their fans want, practical creative deaths, giving this film a pretty decent body count. On to the negatives, which mirror my one complaint with Don't Go to the Reunion, the runtime for the movie. This movie was short, at about an hour and seven minutes of content, I would have loved for about 10 more minutes. But this is a minor complaint, and if anything it shows just how much I enjoyed this movie too! Aside from the excellent cast and direction (Bosley is one to definitely keep an eye on), I say give this one a buy and support indie horror!

Slasher Studios always prioritizes character likability, and these efforts make Dismembering Christmas fun from beginning to end. When the killer arrived, I found myself worrying about my favorite characters. When the blood started to fly, and when I realized no one was safe, they had me at the edge of my seat.Watching the film brought back so many video store memories I found myself searching for a big, black clamshell case with the logo on it.My only regret was that I watched it alone. Dismembering Christmas is made for a living room filled with friends to gasp and giggle along with you. It will be a movie horror fans watch every holiday, as well as when the mood strikes them in the other three seasons. Put on a holiday sweater and enjoy!

Over the years, countless holiday-themed slasher films (mainly set on Halloween) have came and went. But it has been a while since I've seen holiday horror with as much of a rewatchable quality and such creative and fun deaths as Slasher Studios' Dismembering Christmas. Don't Go to the Reunion writer/producer Kevin Sommerfield teamed up with Survival of the Dumbest director Austin Bosley to create this lovely winter slasher. From start to finish, it's oozing with Christmas cheer but slowly the feeling that something's not quite right creeps in and the characters are blithely unaware of it. Each character has their own distinct personality and are so well played by the actors that you truly care for them when bad things start happening. The cabin setting feels like a perfect blend of the Paramount Friday the 13th films and Raimi's The Evil Dead and the beautiful Christmas decorations and lighting bring it all together. Dismembering Christmas feels like the winter Friday the 13th film fans have wanted for years and have finally received.For an independent low-budget slasher, the acting, writing, and cinematography are all top notch (complete with beautiful, long tracking shots that will please any cinephile) and each and every character feels like a real small town teenager. Each and every one feels like they could be your neighbor and someone you know and that makes you concerned when they start getting picked off one by one.Without many spoilers, I have to point out that the deaths are some of the most creative and fun ones I've seen in a very long time. Think wreaths, candy canes, and Christmas trees can't kill anyone? Think again. Each and every death oozes with holiday spirit and the killer's costume is near perfection. To top it all off, a wonderful soundtrack composed by Beasta Music's Dylan Curzon (who also worked as the gaffer on the film) is made use of in the most creative of ways and coupled with some fantastic foley work.If there's one problem with this movie, it's that it's only a little over an hour in length. This movie could be three hours long with these characters and deaths like these and I'd be hooked. There isn't a single dull moment in the film and all the characters feel like real friends who bicker but deep down truly love and care for one another.I don't like singling out certain actors (because each and every one brings something unique to the film), but I have to say that Nina Kova's Sam and Leah Wiseman's Emma are two of the best of the best. They almost feel like sisters and it's hard to believe that they haven't known each other their entire lives outside of the movie. They both have so much chemistry together that it makes the hour and seven minute runtime a breeze to watch.If you're in the mood for a fast-paced, gory, creative slasher film with tons of holiday atmosphere and great cinematography, look no further. Slasher Studios has outdone themselves with this latest feature and I can't wait to see what they accomplish in the future.