Beyond the Seventh Door (1987)

This Canadian thriller has to be seen to be believed. It's an ultra-cheap production, made by Marvan Films (a production company never heard of again), and featuring in its main actor the unmistakable Lazar Rockwood, a distinctive-looking Serbian actor better known for playing bad guy henchmen in the rest of his movie parts.Rockwood's non-acting style takes some beating, it has to be said, and he ever makes the token female, Bonnie Beck, look good by comparison. The weirdest thing about this movie is the plot: Rockwood plays a burglar who becomes trapped in an underground complex of booby-trapped chambers and must use his brain to escape.It feels very much like an early version of a CUBE-style storyline, or perhaps a fictionalised CRYSTAL MAZE. And it's fair to say that this is an inept film throughout, with direction that's even worse than the acting. It comes as little surprise that Beck is forced to divest her clothing as the running time progresses, leaving her parading around in her skimpy underwear. Otherwise, I'm not really sure what I just watched!

I actually worked on this shoot and I am sure it is no surprise to all of you that Lazar is the same in real life. I know what you are thinking, how can that be? How can someone with such little command of the English language be cast in a movie? I still do not know. His charm, much like someones nails across a blackboard, plays on you day after day until Stockholm Syndrome kicks in and he actually becomes a likable yet still incomprehensible guy. This charm and the fact Bonnie was not so hard on the eyes had me give this movie a 4 out of 10 (OK that and the fact I worked on it). But you all have missed the true brilliance of what went into making this picture, and that started with BD Benedikt its director and Hamid the DOP (and ex-film maker for the Shaw of Iran). Without the personal insight of these gentlemen into what the viewing audience wants, Lazar would not have been half the actor he was in this movie. I suggest strongly that if these two gentlemen were ever given money to make another film and you can find a copy, watch it! They were only getting warmed up by the end of this film. And for the record, it was shot in the basement of the Colonial Tavern across from the Eaton Centre on Yonge St. (Not BD's basement, which was an option). It has since been turned into green space.

It brought many a tear to my eye to see such a magical performance. Boris, portrayed by Hollywood heartthrob Lazar Rockwood, is perhaps the finest crafted, written and performed character in film history. You completely forget about Lazar's natural good looks, charm and intelligence and only see what he wants you to see, Boris, a second rate thief with a possible drug addiction and severe mental illness. Sometimes you think he's epileptic, sometimes autistic and other times it seems like he was just pulled out of the gutter, given a pack a smokes and told to stand in front of a camera. Lazar's performance was so flawless that during the sex scene in the grungy sewer/basement, I actually felt ill to my stomach, as I'm sure Lazar and the Director intended. I still get a little woozy just thinking about it, truly unbelievable stuff.1987 - Paul Newman won best actor for Color of Money and best picture went to Platoon. Lazar and Beyond the 7th Door didn't even receive a nomination.If nothing else the makeup crew should have received a nod for creating a believable "Boris" out of hansom leading man Rockwood. Keep the faith Lazar, don't get discouraged, performances like this will eventually be recognized for what they are - pure brilliance.

Shot near Toronto, Ontario, this proudly Canadian horror film is truly one-of-a-kind. Beyond the 7th Door is a testament of shear, provocative film-making brilliance in the same league as the world heavyweight champion, "Science Crazed" (truly and indisputably, the worst movie ever made...and I dare you to prove me wrong!) A trashy couple take a painfully slow journey through an empty castle with seven rooms of deadly traps in search of a mysterious millionaire's hidden treasure. The pair are guided by the voice of a man sounding identical to the voice of Canadian actor Dan Woods (aka Mr. Raditch on the original, and far superior, Degrassi series). Woods is not credited, but the voice is a dead ringer. You be the judge.Story aside, Beyond the 7th Door is particularly infamous for the casting of phenom actor Lazar Rockwood, the movie's hypnotically hideous "leading man". Rockwood looks like a real-life version of Moe the Bartender crossed with The Toxic Avenger, his presence is nothing short of mesmerizing. Playing an ex-convict named Boris, Rockwood struggles through every line of every scene with broken English and autistic body language. Jerking and twitching spastically, wagging his tongue about, waving his tape measure and Batman-style tool belt, and hopelessly trying to maintain some small shred of dignity, Rockwood literally chews the scenery! Forced to endure Rockwood's company is the only other cast in the film, Boris's ex-girlfriend and partner in crime, Wendy (or as Lazar might say, "Vendy"), played by Bonnie Beck. Beck is a porno-calibre actress, but next to Lazar, you mistake her for Katherine Hepburn. In a memorable exchange at a coffee shop, Wendy criticizes Boris by saying, "Boris, you're not even a good thief!". Rockwood earnestly replies, "I'm getting better!". Outstanding.However, the true horror of Beyond the 7th Door is watching a shirtless and sexually charged Lazar Rockwood ravage Wendy's unfortunate body in a dirty, sludge-filled basement. The punchline being that she actually requests this! (I suspect this may have happened between takes and was accidentally caught on film, then thrown in by director Bennedikt for reality TV shock value...though it's a theory) The hands-down greatest moment in the film is Rockwood jump kicking through a cement wall, flying mullet and all! This should have been looped at least a dozen times, then a dozen more in slow motion. It's genius! The second best part could have been the ultimate death of Boris in the final moments caused, appropriately, by his own unthinkable incompetence... but Rockwood can't even DIE properly! His body explodes OFF camera with not a trace of blood to be seen! (Though this does set it up for Beyond the 7th Door 2: Beyond the 8th Door! Did Rockwood really die? Who knows?)In the end, Beyond the 7th Door leaves you with many more questions than answers, mostly about Rockwood himself and the events surrounding his involvement. Although these questions will likely never be answered, when the final credits role you will be left dumbfounded and perplexed for weeks to come. Since Hollywood is on a never ending bender of butchering classic films in remake or "re-imagining" format, I suggest remaking this one. I also would like a Special Edition DVD of Beyond the 7th Door with 5 commentary tracks of Lazar Rockwood reciting one-liners from the film and a 3 hour featurette documenting Rockwood's entire career. A full-colour photo gallery of Rockwood would also be nice, plus some shirtless promotional stills and half a dozen international trailers. I'll be waiting with my money on the table.