Microwave Massacre (1983)

"Microwave Massacre" has the astoundingly awful acting of a John Waters film, along with more one liners than a Rodney Dangerfield comedy. Naturally the result is not "Oscar material", but certainly is a lot of low brow fun. "Microwave Massacre" falls into that ultra rare class of film that is so bad it's good. Jackie Vernon works wonders as he deadpans his way through this gourmet cannibal shlockfest. Offsetting some of the misfired jokes, is plenty of nudity to regain your attention. Just as "Sharks in Venice" is "Academy Award" BAD in the takes itself seriously category, "Microwave Massacre is a front runner BAD in the never taking itself seriously sweepstakes. - MERK

Stupid, crude, inept, childish... Mission accomplished, I guess!The late Jackie Vernon (a former Vegas lounge comedian probably best known as the voice of Frosty the Snowman in that kid's holiday special they run every single year) comes off like a poor man's Rodney Dangerfield in the lead role, in part because of the awful and seldom-amusing dialogue. He's Donald, a dullard construction worker who hasn't been laid in fifteen years by his overbearing wanna-be gourmet chef wife May (Claire Ginsberg). One evening Donald stumbles in drunk after a night at the bar, gets in a confrontation with May and ends up strangling her. He chops up her body, wraps her remains in aluminum foil, stores the parts in the freezer and accidentally mixes a piece of her in with the 'regular' meat. After chowing down on a raw hunk that turns out to be his former wife's hand, Donald decides he can't get enough of the taste of human flesh. Even his hardhat buddies Philip (Al Troupe) and Roosevelt (Loren Schein) love the taste. Well, when they aren't being distracted by random buxom women who stick their breasts through convenient breast-sized cutouts on the safety partition. The only problem is that May tasted "old and tough," so now he's in the mood for something a little more "young and tender" if you get my drift. Thus begins a long and seemingly never-ending succession of bosomy bar whores, streetwalkers and even a woman in chicken suit being lured back to his home for sex and slaughter. They are promptly killed, chopped up and cooked in a silly-looking refrigerator-sized microwave oven in effects scenes utilizing dime-store rubber limbs and mannequin parts that wouldn't even pass muster in an Andy Milligan or Herschell Gordon Lewis film. Quite a bit of bare breastage in this one, too, including a nude woman on a giant slice of foam bread being smeared with globs of mayonnaise.Any film that boasts right on the box that it's the "worst horror movie of all time" has a mighty big barrel to scrape. However, it needs to be said that there's a huge difference between accidentally making a film so awful that it's hilarious and intentionally going out of your way to try to make one. Movies like this, with their intentional bad acting, stupid dialogue, awful one-liners and pea brained visual gags, usually lack the charm and humor of films made by people who went in with good intentions but didn't quite have the talent to pull it off. And that's basically what I found to be this film's undoing. The cast obviously know this is moronic and proceed to overact, mug, look at or talk to the camera, do ridiculous double-takes and/or flub lines. As far as the director is concerned, what exactly are you supposed to say? "Wow! That truly was stupid and awful! Congratulations on making your movie so stupid and awful!"Don't get me wrong, there are many good examples of films that have been able to successfully incorporate some of that wink-wink, nudge-nudge style of self-parody. But this isn't one of them. The supposedly amusing one-liners aren't usually very clever, nor are they funny in a stupid way. The film is also badly paced, sorely lacking in the kind of energy needed for this type of film and grows extremely repetitive (and tiresome) about midway through. As far as being "the worst horror movie of all time" is concerned... I think this WISHES it were the worst. But it's not. It's simply below average wannabe camp. A few moments here and there did actually make me laugh, but films that don't actually try to be juvenile and stupid are more deserving of the title of "worst," not something that wears the fact its awful like a badge of honor from the first frame to the last.Quite a disappointment I must day, especially since I have fond memories of being just a wee tyke and spotting that cool over-sized VHS box with a decapitated-head-in-a-microwave on it that I was never able to rent.

This movie has an under developed storyline, poor acting and a worse script. However, if you - like me - are the kind of person willing to go out of their way to see this film, you should know what you're in for and enjoy it.The premise of the movie itself is worth a laugh. A man gets drunk, murders his snob of a wife and microwaves her to death? And then in the morning, with no recollection of the previous night he calls out to her only to find her in the microwave, cut her up and chuck her in the fridge - and later on, eat her and enjoy it without realising who it is he's eating.Whatever's written on the back of the DVD cover should be enough to show you what the movie'll be like - if the name didn't tell you in the first place. A hilariously bad storyline is carried by hilariously bad jokes - most of which are told by a hilariously bad actor. If there are three kinds of bad movies: bad (Highway Musical); so bad its good; and so bad its still bad (They Saved Hitler's Brain) - then there is no doubt this movie fits in to the middle category.Though just an interested kid myself, I see many people have fond memories of watching this movie 20 years ago and its not hard to see why. This is definitely a great, funny, satisfying movie if you're into so-bad-its-good movies.I've no idea what to rate it - as a movie it deserves somewhere around 3 or 4. As a trashy 'so bad its good' movie (sorry to keep using that phrase, I promise that's the last time) it's worth somewhere around 7 or 8. If we rate it in terms of how it achieves the aims of its creators - probably around 9 or 10. Considering the fact that it definitely does NOT deserve something as low as its current rating and I think we can average it out to about 8.

I had this film on VHS but lost it. Hadn't watched it for years and bought the DVD (which is VERY GOOD quality). I often wondered why out of so many "bad movies" this one has such an affectionate following and after watching it again I see why. Underneath all the bad acting and worse jokes there lies a heart. Also...the girls are hot. For me the irreverence of "Frosty the Snowman" doing these perverted acts was very funny...unfortunately one joke can't carry a movie. I'm giving it a 10 because for whatever reason it got under my skin and has stayed there for years. Also I'm giving the filmmakers the benefit of the doubt. I think they achieved exactly what they set out to do.