Dead Above Ground (2002)

I wanted to take an axe to my own face when it became apparent, after the scene where Corbin Benson was killed (offscreen), that I would watching yet another slasher film based around teenagers at a school. It's like the film wants you to hate everyone immediately - you've got the jock, his fashion conscious girlfriend, her blonde pal, the wisecracking computer geek (who, it turns out later, can hack the police database), two token black folks who talk awful, cringeworthy hip talk, and two way over the top goth people, one of whom spouts the most insane babble about astral planes and netherworlds.So that's your stereotypes right there, and don't be thinking this film is going to play against convention, because it's not. Our goth guy makes a horror film, gets ridiculed, and ends up driving over a cliff. A year later, another guy turns up (now living at the goth's house) and says he's been dreaming about the goth guy and bad things are going to happen. We all know that's slasher speak for 'everyone's going to get killed' right?However, in order to get to the kills we've got to got through teen drama fluff (the jock and his girlfriend and her parents), an adult love quadrangle (the school shrink, the old teacher, the gym teacher, and the cop), the goth chick mourning for her pal, and not a whole lot less. I'm sure half the cast had died of old age before the killings started, and that's when the film truly enter the realm of "Pure Crap".There's hardly any gore here at all! I think one or two killing happened on screen, with the rest being after the fact. Here's a warning to put you off buying this thing - by the end of the film most of the cast are still standing. There's also a sex scene that's about as erotic as jabbing at a jellyfish on a lonely beach in winter, a heavy metal soundtrack, and more psychobabble about Pagan spirits that you'll be able to stand.Not a good film at all. Where's the beef?

Nothing to say but avoid. This has to be one of the worst, if not THE worst, movies I have ever seen. It is boring, predictable and just plain stupid. It is unintentionally more funny than scary and obviously the makers of this pathetic waste of film thought we'd all enjoy a typical, yet much more awful, teen slasher flick. What do they take us for? I'm surprised this movie even made it on to DVD. There are so many more enjoyable movies than this out there, please don't waste your time on this, you'll regret it afterwards. Not even my 8 year old sister was scared of this movie and by the end we were all just laughing at how physically painful this movie was in terms of horror, suspense, and overall, a decent plot.

Good god, didn't Stephen J Cannell SAVE any of his money? This is a guy with dozens upon dozens of hit TV shows, and he's producing THIS crapfest? Nobody can act, the plot is lame, the FX are pretty bad (the world's PHONIEST bird attack), about the only thing this turkey has is several fairly attractive girls in skimpy outfits, and not enough of that to make me feel like the hour and half was well spent. Where do we begin? The "football" player, who's all of 5'9", 135 pounds (waterboy, maybe?) who's "gotta get his scholarship", the token black couple with some horribly bad "urban" slang, the "rich-bitch", the Goth chick, oh yeah, every stereotypical character is here, the principal of the school wears bow ties (lives in a mansion, but drives an AMC Pacer?), the coach is a macho type, and the incredibly hot school counselor who is referred to as "Dr.", but looks to be 24 or so....yeah, lotsa shrinks that young. To make matters worse, Corbin Bernsen shows up, as does Robert Conrad (Cannell must still have the negatives) and the cop is played by Antonio Sabato Jr, with a hairdo that could withstand Hurrican Ivan and looks dorky beyond belief. HIs character is also incredibly stupid. Good god, people, if you're an actor who has made a few good films or been in a hit show, please, save your money, find some solid investments, just put it into a savings account if you have to, but please don't let your career fall to this level. Do infomercials if you have to, but please, please, don't do crap like this if you're desperate for money. You'll feel better working at Burger King than making this kind of garbage. This is the kind of flick Ed Wood would pass on making it's so bad.

I like horror movies. Guess what, this wasn't one. Bad acting, bad plot, bad everything. Do not rent this movie. Trust me. Bad make up, bad hair bad bad bad. The only good thing about it was some of its truths about paganism, but other than that. The only reason why I picked it up in the first place was because of its cover. Ten minutes into the movie you could already see where it was going. (MINOR SPOILER)**** The ending,(which I'm surprised I stayed awake to see) was unpredictable and just plain stupid. Sorry, but that's the truth. Again don't get this movie.