The Creeping Terror (1964)

Holy crap what did I just sit through? A tour-de-crap from Vic Savage, who produced, directed, and starred in this travesty. The story (like it matters) is about a newlywed sheriff and his bride trying to stop a carpet monster from outer space. The entire thing is narrated like a badly-written book. The narrator describes the scenes as we're watching them! What the hell was with the obsession with marriage vs bachelorhood? Talk about someone working out their issues through their "art." I felt like I just listened to Vic Savage's therapy sessions. The movie's budget must have been whatever Savage found in his couch cushions. The monster literally looks like pieces of carpet mixed with the contents of a garbage can draped over some people crawling along at a snail's pace. The awful sound effects they use when it's growling or gurgling or whatever will make your ears bleed. It is terrible in a way that defies belief but there is something fascinating about it. I must have shook my head and said "this must be a joke" a dozen times while watching it. That anyone could try to pass this off as a movie boggles my mind. The entire production would have to improve by a million percent just to be considered amateur. I've seen more riveting home movies than this. Objectively, it's one of the worst movies of all time. The only thing redeeming about it is that it has some "so bad it's good" qualities. If you watch it with friends you can all make fun of it, which improves the viewing experience but doesn't change the fact that it's a really a shitty movie. I'm giving it a 2 solely for the giggles at its incompetence. I reserve 1's for movies that should be fed to carpet monsters.

The director borrowed about $20,000 to make this movie. During filming in Florida someone stole the monster and the dialog tapes. Thus the narration and cheap monster. The movie was so bad, the investors wanted their money back. But no. The director went into hiding for about 30 years. Hilarious. I especially got a kick at how slow the monster had to move. The victims literally had to wait to be eaten. Some were so impatient that they even crawled on in. Bad luck and low budget had a big influence on this movie. But, that being said, if you are used to less than great movies and like to watch with the volume down. You may enjoy this. I would suggest following it with the naked monster.

Other than that you can laugh at how badly done everything is, there is nothing remotely decent let alone good about The Creeping Terror. It is a truly dire movie that while it is unintentionally fun to watch deserves everything bad that has been said about it. Visually, The Creeping Terror is one of the most inept movies there is, the stock footage is clumsily utilised and you question why they were there at all. The editing is some of the worst known to man, making everything slipshod and incoherent, even Space Mutiny's editing wasn't this bad and the editing in that movie is the very meaning of how not to edit a movie. The sets are dull and look like a first timer constructed them, making those in Ed Wood's movies seem award-worthy in comparison. And the creature looks terrible, even worse it has no menace and doesn't even have a personality. There are scenes where the music is the same tune repeated over and over, and sadly it is one of those tunes where it gets irritating very quickly. The dialogue, when there is any, is guaranteed to have you doubled up on the floor, and not because it is legitimately funny but because of how appalling it is, if there was a list of the 20 worst scripts The Creeping Terror would be on there and towards the top. The Creeping Terror makes the extra mistake at being really preachy at the end, which will leave a bad taste in the mouth. The story is equally disastrous, again like the dialogue when there is one it is incredibly contrived. Not to mention dull, so dull in fact it makes Manos seem exciting(and the problems with that were eerily similar to those in this movie). It is a very thin story with lots of filler and no creepy atmosphere or sense of terror whatsoever, if there were scenes that tried those it came across as contrived and predictable instead. The narration is irritating as well, sometimes it just intrudes over everything and other times in some scenes things are so incoherent they're crying out for explanation. The acting is beyond description and in a very bad way, their dialogue and the cardboard archetype excuses the movie has for characters do them no favours though but that doesn't excuse anything at all. All in all, amateurish and just dire, another classic case of the MST3K episode being infinitely better than the movie they're riffing(and they really hit the nail on the head here). 0.5/10, extra half-point only for the good laugh, despite the fact that that good laugh shouldn't have happened in the first place. Bethany Cox

There's no denying it: this is indeed a terrible, terrible movie. Director / star Vic Savage blunders his way through this hall of infamy turkey in memorable fashion. It moves just as slowly as its title monster, and when I say slowly, I mean that the Mummy could easily overtake this thing. And since the monster - with its oddly suggestive looking mouth - can't do much of anything on its own, its nubile young victims pretty much have to willingly climb inside the thing! It arrives on Earth in a crashed saucer, and the local authorities - including a young, newlywed deputy (Savage himself) - bumble and fumble along while always remaining way behind our lethargic creature. Even at 77 minutes long, the viewer can REALLY feel the padding on this silly, silly production - for example, it's a '60s movie, so there's gotta be some dancing. The music score, mostly consisting of an organ, may well bring tears to the audiences' eyes, it's that bad. The acting? Just as abysmal as one could expect. In any event, it must be said that the stories of the making of "The Creeping Terror" are more interesting than the movie itself! Viewers can hardly fail to notice that most of the soundtrack consists of narration - ridiculous, priceless narration. Stories conflict - either the audio to the movie was lost or it was never properly recorded in the first place - so alternate takes were used. Cast members apparently had to buy their way into the movie, to help fund it! And, supposedly, a better looking monster had been built but stolen, so the filmmakers were forced to improvise something new. That's not to leave out the fact that Savage, by some accounts, was a pretty sleazy character. Admittedly, this may be nothing but garbage if you look at it objectively, but still, if you do have a soft spot in your heart but such cinematic abominations, it does have a certain Bad Movie Charm going for it. It would be impossible not to laugh at it at least some of the time. Five out of 10.