House on Bare Mountain (1962)

I like the Nudie Cutie, and find the dopey plots kind of fun, but this was just too dumb. Granny Good, doing a bad Jonathan Winters impersonation (or did Winters and Bob Cresse both draw the Granny/Maude Frick character from a common source? I don't know), is insufferable. Then there are the cheesy made-up monsters that are really pathetic. As a kid born in 1959, I love early 60s monsterdom, but even I have my limits. Of course also as a kid born in the 50's I love massive mammaries. This movie *does* have that, in the person of one platinum blond who manages to walk across a landing and down a staircase twice. The subtle movements of her breasts, en route, suggest that breasts, when challenged by gravity, have a mind of their own. Said generously endowed blond has a little bit of a Lorna Maitland look, except with a little too much of a pooch stomach and not quite as nice eyes though still real cute (anybody know who she is? Please pm me.) Back to ripping on the movie. The acting and especially the direction is unnecessarily bad. Just a little more work would have made this movie a keeper. E.g., one man in a business suit investigating Bare Mountain walks in and sees a topless woman sitting on a desk and calmly asks her for directions. Then, later, he walks by another topless woman and is totally surprised. The police 'work" in the movie is totally boring and is probably bad leftover vaudeville shtick, without the redeeming quality of being delivered with expert timing live on stage.

This film is for ultimate cheese freaks. I can guarantee that you've never seen classic Hammer monsters, frat party freakin', and fourteen tons of topless women in one flick.Granny Goode "educates" young nubile females in the art of sophistication. Granny looks more like Uncle Fester than my mongoloid grandmother. There's plenty of whips, monsters, booze, and an odd jump rope scene. If HGL hosted a frat party, it would be this film.What story you ask? None. It's really just a jiggle fest drenched in vodka. Here are the highlights in order of importance: 1. A woman with catheter bag-sized breasts wobbles down some stairs.2. For no reason a woman zooms down a train track backwards with her ass exposed.3. Fifteen pairs of breasts align side by side for "stretching" exercises followed by copious amounts of jump rope.

This is one of the oddest movies I've ever seen. Bob Cress is perfect in the role of the rotten old bat, who keeps a werewolf (yes, a werewolf) enslaved in her basement still. The (naked) girls of Granny Good's prep school sure do know how to throw a party! The punchline at the very end of the movie is absolutely hilarious.

The hilarious Bob ("Love Camp 7", "Erotic Adventures Of Zorro" etc.) Cresse in drag as Granny Good is the saving grace of this VERY infantile tale of a girl school threaten by undercover cops and monsters. The girls are, of course, in the nude for like 90% of the movie and that's okay by me cuz there's some major poontang. The tall wolfman's make up is done by Harry Thomas who worked on Ed Wood's "Plan 9 From Outer Space"! If your girlfriend is a hardcore feminist, watch it with your buddies over a case of brew - you'll burst with laughter!