Night Train to Venice (1996)

When my friend came into work one day, I knew something had changed within him. He was soulless and void of hope. I couldn't imagine what could have possibly happened to him! Cancer? Death in the family? Had he met Madonna? No! It was this (spit) film. I repeatedly asked him to tell me what it was about. Who was in it? Could it really be THAT bad!!?? He never gets angry, but that day he was broken. What is it about? "I don't know!!!" Well, what happens? "I don't know!!!!"Eventually I agreed to watch it. My life will never be the same. I would rather watch the video tape from the Ring or become the back of the the human centipede then watch this soul destroying piece of crap. I wish I had read the other reviews before watching this! I wish I'd listened!!Here's a spoiler! Nothing happens!!! The beginning isn't really a beginning because it's not connected to or relevant to the rest of the film. The middle is all the bits of other films that were cut out by the director and put together by a blind monkey while his organ grinder plays that awful French song sung by a random transvestite for no reason. The end...there IS NO END!!!I was angry, I was transformed, I am no longer able to step inside a church or laugh without getting nose bleeds. Finally we lent it to another colleague. She came in the next day unusually quiet. I asked her is she was OK but she was too angry to talk. I asked her if she'd seen the film and she told me to never mention it again!! She got up to make a tea and thought she'd missed the end of the film. No! There isn't one!!This movie has bonded the three of us together forever, for we will never know the answers to the hundreds of questions this film creates! Who are these people? What are they doing? What is meant to be happening? Reading a plot summery just makes it more confusing somehow!! Our favourite part, the end credits lists 3 actors and then says..."and many more!" Before fading to black! On the plus side...my mum liked it.

0.5/10Back in the early 2000s I had saved my paper round money to purchase a DVD player with a surround sound system. When I opened the box I saw it came with a few free DVDs which certainly wasn't the norm. One of these films was Train to Hell (1996). From the title of the film and the picture of a big star actor (Grant) on the front I foolishly decided this was worth a watch.Terrible. Just absolutely awful. Words cannot describe how disappointing this film is. I sat through the entire film, start to finish!Even now, nearly 15 years later it still stands out vividly in my memory as the single worst film I've ever seen. The script was bizarre, the dialogue was all over the place, the camera work was often shaky and scenes with mistakes in the delivery and points where Grant mistakenly and nervously peeks into the camera lens were left in the final edit. It was clear from the look in Hugh Grant's eyes that he was uncomfortable with the direction during filming, at certain points he genuinely looks like he is going to be sick with anxiety.I think I burned the DVD after watching it, only to crave it again years later after discussing awful films with friends at uni. I felt I had to watch it again to make sure it wasn't just a dream (nightmare). I never managed to get a hold of another copy.I imagine if I was a lecturer on a cinema course I would make a point of showing all my students this film. It is basically a step by step guide of how to make a genuinely laugh out loud terrible film. I cannot fathom how people were paid to make this. I actually believe I could make a better film myself with a smartphone and a couple of friends; and that is saying something!If you're a film student, this is a must see......

I was very shocked that Hugh Grant would appear in a movie like this. Apart from the fact that this movie was terrible, he was certainly out of his depth in this mystery thriller. He has done thrillers before including but not limited to movies such as Extreme Measures (1996) which wasn't a box office success. The Hugh Grant audiences know and love has struck success with movies such as Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994), Nine Months (1995), Bridget Jones's Diary (2001), and About a Boy (2002). Night Train to Venice was certainly a departure for Hugh Grant and this stinker of a movie shows that Hugh Grant should stick with what he does best.Night Train to Venice centres on a young journalist named Martin who is travelling to Venice by train (hence the title) to drop off a copy of his book. Along the way he encounters a variety of people including Vera (Tahnee Welch, Cocoon) an actress who is travelling with her daughter, and a man known as The Stranger (Malcolm McDowell, A Clockwork Orange) who has a mysterious influence over their dreams, and also wipes out Martin's memory. Only Vera and her daughter can help Martin.To describe this movie as a train wreck would be an understatement. It is very boring, lifeless and very uninteresting. I didn't care for how the movie ended as this was amazingly bad. It's no surprise that Hugh Grant stated in a 2002 interview that this is the worst movie he has ever done, and rightfully so.Hugh Grant should stick with romantic comedies as that is definitely what he does best.1/10.

At one point in "Night Train to Venice", Hugh Grant's character suffers from amnesia. It's also what happened to the people who made this film; about two-thirds of the way through, they forgot the story, and wandered off in a different direction; a couple of directions in fact.A journalist, Martin Gimmle (Hugh Grant) travels to Venice by train to deliver a book he has written about Neo-Nazis. Martin is pursued by a gang of Neo-Nazi thugs and a mysterious man, The Stranger (Malcolm McDowell). On the train, Martin has an affair with an actress, Vera (Tahnee Welch) who is travelling to Venice with her daughter. After a number of incidents, the protagonists end up in Venice for the finale.Unfortunately, nearly every plot strand in the film is blurred with extraneous bits of business or simply left unresolved.It's hard to see how Hugh Grant got caught up in this. Maybe he thought a paid holiday to Venice would do him good. He gives it his best shot and brings his usual charm to the table, but the script, such as it is, gives him little chance to be convincing. Drop dead gorgeous Tahnee Welch was never the most animated of actresses and there are scenes here that leave her stranded. The excerpt from "Romeo and Juliet" is painful to watch; she wouldn't have been given a part in a high school production of the Bard's play based on this. However a good director could have coaxed a performance out of her, but more often than not, she lands flat on her back in bed with Hugh on top of her.Malcolm McDowell was more experienced than Hugh and Tahnee and no doubt could recognise a turkey being basted a mile off. His performance is almost as though he was only able to spare half a day for the shoot, and did a whole bunch of looks to camera so they could be cut in later where needed. Unfortunately it's the same look, and it's as though he was trying to pass a kidney stone.But having Malcolm McDowell on board explains one thing; it seems to have inspired director Carlo U. Quinterio to have the Neo-Nazi punks act like Alex's Droogs from "A Clockwork Orange". Old Carlo seems the sort of guy who could latch onto something like that. Could "Night Train to Venice" have worked? Sure. After all, the basic story isn't that different to "North By Northwest". However, instead of simplifying the story and working with the actors to get the most out of their performances, the filmmakers were distracted by everything from carnival masks to pigeons flying across the facades of the palazzos in Venice. Badness is in the eye of the beholder, but when a movie, which obviously had a reasonable budget, major stars and interesting locations turns out to be this incoherent, then it's a strong contender for the worst movie of all time.