The Falls (1980)

This movie has my vote for the worst movie ever made. Other candidates, such as "Plan 9 from Outer Space" and "Manos: The Hands of Fate," are at least amusing, if unintentionally so. "The Falls," however, doesn't even have this advantage. Instead it is just excruciatingly long, boring and repetitive, telling an absurd number of supposedly linked vignettes about victims of some undefined apocalyptic event. The victims profiled, most of whom have developed some sort of bizarre physical or psychological handicap as a result, have nothing in common other than that the first four letters of their last name are "F-A-L-L," hence the title. There is a theme, but no plot and no particular reason to care about anyone in the film. I sat through this monstrosity while in college. When the theater brought up the lights for an intermission, halfway through the 185 minute film, at least two-thirds of the audience got up and walked out. It was that bad.

I must admit I find most of Peter Greenaway's movies to be too much hard work. They are usually visually stunning but ultimately too cerebral and contrived for my taste. However I was pleasantly surprised with 'The Falls', his little seen feature length debut. This is one mighty strange movie, even by Greenaway's standards! A mockumentary concerning the mysterious and unexplained "Violent Unknown Event", or V.U.E. Approximately 92 short biographies of V.U.E. victims are presented, the people being selected in alphabetical order, surnames beginning with "Fall", hence the title. We never quite know what the V.U.E. is other than it tends to make people exposed to it mutate, speak previously unknown languages, and become obsessed with birds, flying and/or water. The film goes for over three hours and very few viewers will be able to watch it in one sitting without being driven slightly bonkers. Monty Python fans will probably "get" it as much as postmodernist artheads, but beware it isn't easy viewing, and requires some perseverance. Greenaway says fast forwarding is acceptable. I say almost obligatory! I watched it in three or four sittings, and when interrupted for a minute or two kept the tape running. You really have to watch this profoundly eccentric movie to understand why it's not the kind of conventional narrative that demands your complete and utter attention. At times I was bored almost to tears, at other points almost angry at the pointlessness of it all, but then on the other hand at certain sections you almost get into a Zen-like state and the whole thing becomes fascinating. And I must point at it is often very, very funny. Finishing 'The Falls', even with breaks, was a pretty exhausting experience, and not one I'm in a hurry to repeat, but it's a movie I'm glad I watched, and I recommend it to anyone looking for something (completely) different.

Welcome to the highly personal paramount of Greenaway's work. His scathing documentary on general English silliness. An elongated, meticulously constructed piece of fabulous fantasy. A fantastic frivolous frolic. The film chronicles the biographies of 92 selected victims of the Violent Unknown Event, or VUE for short - a strange occurrence that has left people speaking strange languages and experiencing bird-related symptoms. All of the victims' surnames' begin with the word FALL. The bios are described by several narrators. Some of the bios are curt, others are fastidiously described. They are always witty. Examples being a victim who continually tells bird jokes, "Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because it's too far for them to walk". Others constantly drive in circles. Many of them have new talents, like spitting long distances. Some of the bios reminded me of Monty Python sketches, with the similar zest of absurd English humour. It is a challenge to sit through it all in one go, and is probably best viewed on video in two or three attempts. Not recommended for everyone, but if you want something hilariously different look no further.

I saw this film in college. A third of the way through (about 90 minutes into the film), the lights came up for an intermission -- and virtually everyone in the theater left. It was that boring. To paraphrase Tom Servo of MST3K from his critique of "Manos," this film made me want to blow my brains out. I would recommend "The Falls" for the MST3K treatment itself, save that the show doesn't produce two-part episodes, which is what this behemoth would require.