Recon 2020: The Caprini Massacre (2004)

In the Near Future®, the Earth's surface has been reduced to a radioactive wasteland by a belligerent alien race called the Ma'hars. What was left of the human race took to the stars, where the Ma'Hars hunt them in the hope of wiping out humanity and putting an end to this long war. But those plucky humans aren't going down without a fight!Led by one Sgt. Sharp—a self-proclaimed "bad mother****er but a fair one"--a company of Galactic Marines is sent on a recon mission to a planet that looks like the bad part of a U.S. city. They end up fighting zombies, vampires, werewolves, weaponized insects, a three- headed dinosaur, cyborg assassins, and a well-armed gang of dune- buggy riders. None of it makes a damned bit of sense until you assume that you're watching a video game. The set pieces, visual effects, and picture quality all suggest one from the Clinton era.RECON 2020 is a badly written, acted, and produced amalgam of sci- fi, horror, and action clichés. It rips off everything from "Star Wars" to "Mad Max" to "Terminator" to "The X Files" to "Starship Troopers." Perhaps the filmmakers intended it as homage, but it feels more like plagiarism. A cyborg even says, "I'll be back." There is absolutely nothing to recommend this dreck, even to die- hard fans of bad cinema. Item: One of the Marines wears a custom-made visor that blocks his side and rear vision. Not the smartest thing to wear in combat!Item: The company's pilot is a college-aged blonde that I've nicknamed Galactic Marine Barbie. This chick is a battle-scarred pilot like I'm a Hair Club for Men "after" model. (You see, I'm bald on top.)And now, some dialogue samples:MARINE #1: "Sarge is a cool customer." MARINE #2: "Yes. He's kept us alive many times."MARINE #3: "Why in God's name would anybody mess with sh*t that does this sh*t?"ENEMY MERCENARY: "I want 'em all at my feet! Then we'll rip their hearts open and let the sun shine in."MARINE #4: "I've been in some badass bush before, but this one takes the lemon tart."

I have to agree with the previous poster. I love sci-fantasy stuff and the plot from the back of the box sounded intriguing enough to check out. Of course, I also tend to look for the "parental advisory" on these sorts of flicks b/c I like my T&A but, other than the opening scene, which was apparently thrown in just to be able to claim "nudity" on the ratings box, there wasn't much here. I watched for 30 minutes before just fast forwarding to at least see if there was any more nude scenes. Alas, they couldn't even get that right. The makeup is horrible and the acting is worse if that's possible. Even the casting was horrible. the pilot is some bimbo who is completely unbelievable as a military officer. At least we get a passing glance at her chest in a bra but that's still not nearly enough to warrant watching this trash.

Words really fail me in describing how awful this movie is. I used a free coupon to rent it so my pain was reduced somewhat. Some of the acting was OK but the scenery, props etc. looked like they were from some home movie made by a group of high schoolers. There was a single brief scene involving a cool battle type droid but you could only see it from a distance and it lasted about five seconds. It probably was lifted from another movie and superimposed in the scene I guess. One of the soldiers wears a custom visor over his helmet which totally obstructs his side and top vision. Like a horse with visors on he could only see what was directly in front of him. How this guy could be a hardened marine and not die within the first minute of combat is beside me. Rent this movie for someone you don't like.

This movie is- without a doubt- among the worst movies ever made. Not Mission Impossible: III bad, not Battlefield Earth bad, not even Bloodrayne bad, just flat out bad, and I say that as a true veteran of terrible movies. I wish I could say with some degree of confidence that if only a certain part of the movie had been removed, or a certain aspect of it improved, that it would have been good- but I would be lying. The plot is marginal. The acting is TERRIBLE. The special effects are positively laughable, and worst of all, the entire movie could best be described as a montage of the 10,000 most clichéd movie moments of all time. A cyborg steals a line from Terminator; the intro is stolen (tits and all) from the base camp scene in Starship Troopers; the ship is ripped wholesale from Wing Commander; the sound effects, as mentioned previously, are unbelievably close to half life... the list is endless. In short- it was everything I was looking for when I went to Blockbuster, but I feel a certain relief that I did not actually have to purchase this film in order to witness its violent imperfection.