I Love You, Don't Touch Me! (1997)

I don't know how anyone rated this movie with more than 5 stars. I could see how the varying opinions of a collection of random people could merit at least one 5-star rating... but crap, people. I just got done with watching this low budget POS. If I wasn't distracted by ranking football players, I probably would have peeled my face off. The only saving grace to this movie was the cameo by "Lars" from "Heavyweights." I recommend peeling your face off BEFORE the movie. So here's the deal. Take the movie back if you already got it, and rent Heavyweights. OK, back to I love you, don't touch me. The acting was sub-par, and the music was a Lilith Fair compilation album. If you like bad music, and bad relationships, you'll love this movie... and poop.

This film shows glimmers of talent, but strikes so many false notes that film and filmmaker lose all credibility.It purports to be the story of 25-year-old, Katie, who -- although the product of what she views as the perfect relationship -- is so scarred by an early boyfriend's infidelity that she remains a virgin. One can only pray that, like many early film-making efforts, this isn't autobiographical.This same repressed virgin has, as close friends, an exuberant (read, promiscuous) party girl and a buttoned-down perfectionist, neither of whom she appears to like very much. Her best friend, though, is the companionable Ben, who loves her, but whom she cannot picture in any romantic role. This doesn't stop her from a certain dog-in-the-manger attitude that arises after she sets him up with her party-girl pal.This same repressed virgin, who believes sex without love is meaningless, gives it all up to a suave older man who has already made it abundantly clear to her that he goes through women like some go through dental floss.None of these situations are unbelievable *per se*, but the writer-director gives none of them the space to develop naturally. We're supposed to believe that the suave older lover who has literally said and done ALL the right things throughout the relationship, would suddenly make a video-related misstep so monumental as to send the relationship down the path to its inevitable end. We're greeted with a behind-closed-doors wedding day revelation in the relationship of the perfectionist friend and her new husband that gets no set-up nor explanation. Katie, an aspiring singer, is deemed too out-of-touch to be able to convey emotion when auditioning for an egg jingle, but manages to put over a smoldering torch song a few days later, while in the same virginal state (although she IS feeling tempted, for apparently the first time). Katie's own change-of-heart, at film's end, receives the same spliced-in treatment. The film is very talky, which would be all right if the dialogue were believable, but mostly we're treated to Katie's self-righteous rants. It's hard to believe anyone would be friends with this neurotic prig.Davis, the writer-director, shows some visual and conceptual talent in the film, but should probably stick to interpreting the visions of more gifted and insightful writers. The entire film smacked of film-school project, which still isn't really enough to redeem it.

What happened to the end of this movie? Did the money suddenly run out? We're left hanging and there's no reasonable conclusion to the story. Had this unbelievable oversight been corrected, the movie could have merited at least another star, or perhaps two.

Here's another of those comedy/dramas about a single twentysomething woman wondering why her relationships don't work and why her life isn't what she wants. If that doesn't sound like your type of film I'd stay away because if anything our heroine in this one seems a little more neurotic than usual. But if it does sound like your thing, stick with this one, it gets better as it goes along.Katie (Marla Schaffel) is 25 and conflicted, to say the least, about her desire to terminate her virginity. Writer/director Judy Davis leads us through all the ups and downs on her rocky road, and it's a mostly fine effort.