Alien Intruder (1993)

Billy Dee Williams gets all morose in space while his band of recruited convicts hook themselves up to virtual reality machines that play out their fantasies. Why are they heading to the mysterious G-Sector? To see what happened to another ship that went out there. What happened to the other ship? Well, some sort of alien took the form of a female and everyone went crazy and killed each trying to win her affections. We see this happen in the first five minutes of the film, and then the film decides to take things nice and easy, which will test the patience of most folks. Billy Dee's recruits/victims agree to leave the comforts of jail and head off into the unknown due to a machine where they can live out their dreams. They do this every weekend after working on the ship, each with their own little worlds. The demolitions guy lives in the wild west as cowboy, the computer geek is a fifties biker, the other guy lives in a black and white Casablanca world, and our hero shows no imagination whatsoever as he just goes surfing with a chick. Strange, though, that the same mysterious woman has showed up in each of their fantasies, and why is Billy Dee spending all his time staring at a picture of the same woman? And why have a cyborg in the film when he's just going to stand around doing nothing? And one other thing - if you had a virtual reality machine that acted out your fantasies, would you waste it by surfing or driving about on a bike? Or would you be sandwiched between two Czech BBWs? I think that's the option any sane person would pick. Now, I thought, with the introduction of these separate realities, that I'd have something similar to Waxwork 2 on my hands, but I was wrong. Once the evil alien woman thing (or Ariel, as she's known) 'kills' all the convicts virtual women, we just end up back in space where they find the other ship and end up bickering and running around corridors like a million other films. Maybe it was the budget or something that stopped them from going full throttle with the virtual reality thing, but to spend so much time on it just to have the film settle into the usual conventions seems like a waste of time. Additionally, the woman playing the alien seductress is noticeably less attractive than any other actress in the film, so I wasn't quite getting why everyone was so bowled over by her. This was a tepid PM production and while it was pretty rubbish, the cheesy effects and infrequent nudity at least kept me from hating it.

I swear. This movie has got to be a rejected fan script for Star Trek: The Next Generation. Seriously. It's about a ship of fools captained by Lando Calrissian himself, Billy Dee Williams with four prison inmates (brought along to make up the crew) and an android who meander into a "forbidden zone" to "rescue a lost ship." Actually, Billy Dee Calrissian just wants to meet back up with a sexy alien babe and is dragging these clods along as an expendable crew.Okay, here's where it's all Star Trekky: After five days of work (as in, on the weekends), the four crewmates (the former convicts) all get to relax in wacky Virtual Reality worlds where they get to bang the chick of their choice the whole time. Yeah, like on the Enterprise, but where the intention is to "get some." Instead of a "holodeck," though, these idiots just lay in beds and basically "dream" into their VR worlds. One guy is a 50's biker bad*ss, one guy is in the "ye olde west," one guy is in a 1940's-like Noir deal (in black and white no less) and the last guy spends his "VR weekends" on a beach in a luxury house ignoring his cyber-babe so he can jog or lift weights. One of the inmates on this trip is an explosives expert who was only apparently brought along to be the tough-guy explosives expert. Eventually, the sexy alien chick shows up in everyone's cyber-realities and kills off all their beloved fake babes. Then she gets all lusty and turns all the guys against each other. The android? We get to see him stand silently, walk silently, and die quietly. Other than that, you've got the smart and attractive inmate, the smart nerd inmate, the long-haired inmate, and of course, the big tough explosives loser.Now, this alien babe doesn't make much sense. She's either real or digital or a magician or something as she just jumps from one place to the next convincing the men to shoot at each other. I think she's just poorly written. Easy as that. The acting is average at best for an underground film of this nature from the early 90's, and the special effects are truly laughable. However, the "fantasy VR worlds" are done in almost top-notch form. What the f*ck? I mean, the freakin' spaceships look dreadful! There's no class, no style, no personality! Their movement in space is more sterile and emotionless than the Enterprise sleeking across the screen in front of another phosphorus red planet in the 1960's Star Trek! All in all, it's actually pretty stupid, but watchable. Kinda like Maximum Overdrive, or The Wraith. Stupid, but entertaining. Some decent nudity.5/10

Set in the future, 4 convicts jump at the chance to get out of jail scott free (plus use of the virtual sex fantasy machine) by taking a space mission to recover a lost spaceship. Sounds simple enough, but a fiendish, yet sexy, alien in the guise of the form of Tracy Scoggins (of latter day Babylon 5 and Crusade fame), has other plans for this gang of rapscallions. This movie will NOT win any awards for acting, for writing, nor will it win any accolades for special effects. But I've been known to enjoy a 'so bad it's good' flick every now and then and this film has the feel of a Fred Olen Ray movie (mind you, one that he use to make in the '80's, when his films were still entertaining). Plus ANY movie that lets Lando Calrissian hammily overact like this movie does HAS to be worth at least one viewing ;) Eye Candy: Melinda Armstrong of the Bikini Summer films bares all, Tracy Scoggins unleashes her Babylon 2 as well as some ass to boot, and Gwen Somers show her breasts My Grade: C+

Hurrah! Rejoice! More madness from the PM (Pepin-Merhi) duo! ALIEN INTRUDER is notorious for being one of the PM duo's first ventures into the sci-fi (more like science-fantasy) realm. While ALIEN INTRUDER is an entertaining flick, it fails to offer enough nuances of elegance to help make this trip memorable and worthwhile...Welcome to the grim future. The year is 2022. Aboard the U.S.S. Holly in outer space, mild mannered crew member Borman (Jeff Conaway) has apparently gone berserk. For no logical reason, Borman has callously slaughtered his own men...Back on Planet Earth, Commander Skyler (Billy Dee Williams) has recently received a desperate call for help. The call has requested that a rescue mission must be dispatched into outer space to find any survivors of the massacre aboard the U.S.S. Holly. So Skyler decides to arbitrarily select four losers to accompany him on this rescue mission. Nick (Maxwell Caulfield) is an intransigent navigator who has almost instigated a space mutiny once... DJ (Richard Cody) is a computer hacker charged with embezzlement. Lloyd (Gary Roberts) is a woman-loving mechanic. Peter (Stephen Davies) is an expert at engineering.As a reward for their hard work and services, the crew members of the U.S.S. Presley are allowed to relax and indulge in their own lovely gratification. The convicts are allowed a chance to vicariously live out their own pleasures via virtual reality.Now, meet Ariel. She is every man's dream. She wants to become your playmate.An alien virus, cleverly disguising herself as a femme fatale named Ariel (Tracy Soggins) has decided to enter each individual program...and turn these people's greatest fantasies into their worst nightmares. Ironically, these petty prisoners and thugs may become entrapped in their own fantasies... Meanwhile, unbeknownst to the daydreaming space travelers, Ariel is intent on luring them to their ultimate doom by forcing one of the crew members to navigate towards the forbidden "G-Sector." While these travelers are distracted by their own illusions, Ariel revels in seducing each victim as she appears in each virtual reality simulation. As a result, tension is created among the crew members themselves...In space, there is no escape. In space, no one can hear a person die screaming in agony...ALIEN INTRUDER has a unique premise, even if it is derivative of probably every other science-fiction thriller ever made. The idea of having an attractive but deadly seductress as the prime adversary is an unexpected turn for a science-fiction film.Every science-fiction cliché ever manifested exists in this potboiler. It features lots of erotic love scenes, interpolated with sporadically violent action sequences. There are lots of gung-ho action in this flick. Along the way, the viewer is treated to a collection of beautiful women! What about the *special* effects? The special effects are not quite so special. Especially staring at that spinning spaceship...what a sizzling special effect. This film is all showmanship and little innovation. Most of the special FX, from the explosions in space to that dizzying space shuttle in distress are far from impressive, but it is allowable, considering the limited budget.The visual sets, even the Wild West, are utterly depressing. All of the visual settings in this movie are just so murky and dismal. I guess that it kind of reflects the mood of the film in general. One of the virtual reality segments though, shot in black and white, is a sly homage to the "film noir" of the 1950s. The Wild West backdrop is sufficient as well. ALIEN INTRUDER has a really horrendous production, but it is sort of interesting to watch.The performances in this movie are deadpan with Conaway acting way over-the-top as a psycho on the loose. Billy Dee Williams (whose payback for his supporting role in BATMAN was observably not high enough) seems to know how to have fun here as for the rest of the cast. Tracy Soggins is cute in this movie, especially when she plays mind games with the male cast. It is a joy to watch everyone acting paranoid in this movie...ALIEN INTRUDER is sort of predictable because the viewer is always one step ahead of the characters. For example, we all know that Ariel will make herself an obligatory part of each of the space convict's dreams. It is just a matter of when she will show up which adds to part of the fun...ALIEN INTRUDER is a decent but tedious sci-fi film. There is enough sex, violence, and eye candy to appease connoisseurs of sleaze, but this film has immensely restricted appeal. Despite this movie's flaws, it is still admissible. The film does move relatively fast enough, I suppose. At least Pepin and Merhi have managed to delete those dumb, poorly made (and sung) theme songs. Overall, think of ALIEN INTRUDER as a cross between "Playboy" and THE OUTER LIMITS...just without any sense of reverence... RATING: ** out of ****.