Smokey Bites the Dust (1981)

Smokey Bits The Dust got inflicted on the movie going public in 1981. And after two viewings of it I can't even tell you what the plot is of this mess.Jimmy McNichol plays the local bad boy in this neck of the Ozark woods who just likes to race cars and wreck as many as he can because it's good clean fun. He's got the hots for the sheriff's daughter, Janet Julian, and on Homecoming Day he kidnaps her.After this the whole film is one mindless 80 minute or so car chase in which law from other jurisdictions including some Arabs get involved. To be honest I actually tried figuring out what the plot was and couldn't.Roger Corman produced this mess and shame on him.

Made in the early 80's when the 70's car chase genre was winding down, chockablock with copious footage lifted from such previous Roger Corman-backed drive-in flicks as "Grand Theft Auto," "Moving Violation," "Eat My Dust!," and "Thunder and Lightening," coasting on the faintest sliver of a one-note story, and, just like the numerous car chases showcased herein, running around in endless circles with no particular purpose or destination in mind, this energetically stupid comedic romp was harshly panned by critics and generally dismissed as an absolute turkey. Granted, it's not exactly a good movie, but it's certainly an enjoyably brainless, pointless and senseless wallow in crash 'em and smash 'em up demolition derby cinema.Shrewd, impishly irreverent car nut misfit Roscoe ("Night Warning" 's Jimmy McNichol) abducts stuck-up homecoming queen Peggy Sue Turner (perky, fetching blonde Janet Julian) and goes on the lam with Peggy's crusty, hot-tempered, very overbearing and overprotective sheriff dad (broadly played by the chubby Walter Barnes) and assorted oddball secondary characters in hot pursuit. That's it for the plot; the rest of the picture is nothing more than spinning tires, out-of-control car stunts, an uptight girl loosening up on the road, young love blooming on the road, idiotic slapstick gags, a "what the hell is he doing here?" guy in an apesuit cameo, peppy rock songs blaring away on the soundtrack, and plenty of pedal-glued-to-the-floor ultra-speedy car chase scenes. Longtime Corman screenwriter Charles B. ("Bucket of Blood," "The Little Shop of Horrors") Griffith displays an endearingly all-thumbs incompetence as a director, which in this case greatly adds to the infectiously dopey festivities. The ubiquitous Gary Graver comes through with his customary smooth and polished cinematography. Brent Myggen's frantically pumping'n'propulsive score rushes along to a quick snappy beat. The wildly mugging supporting cast is loaded with familiar faces: Dick Miller as a dippy dad, "Joyride to Nowhere" 's Mel Welles as a goofy sheik who speaks in fractured fragmented sentences, Bill Forsythe as a brutish caveman football player, Rance Howard as a fanatically gung-ho high school football coach, and Angelo Rossitto as an excitable midget hotel desk clerk. Overall, this baby measures up as a pretty solid and satisfying so-dumb-it's-fun good time.

OK, sure the movie pretty much sucks, but it's definitely worth it to see some cool car chases if you are a car chase fan. After realizing how many precious classic Dodge Chargers were destroyed during the "Dukes of Hazzard" TV run, it's also kinda sad to see a hot '57 Chevy banged up in chases (watch the disappearing dents, they used more than one of course) but the highlight definitely is that great crash by the '57 through the roof (where of course, McNichol simply keeps driving after the car lands). This chase, with the '57 Chevy, just may be one of the greatest car chases ever put on film actually, it's just too bad it's in a comedy and not a 'serious' film. The comedy is definitely bad, with maybe the funniest scene probably being the truck driver who backs in McNichols' way in an alley, who says "nooo!" with a hilarious look on his face. So hey, pick this one up off ebay for the chases, and watch with the volume turned off when you can to avoid the painful dialogue.

Cursed be you, Burt Reynolds.Because of "Smokey and the Bandit", the movie-going public has been forced to slog through millions of pale imitations of the same product, all to make a buck.Which brings us to "Smokey Bites the Dust"; which, I think, DID earn at least a buck.Meaning it broke even with its budget.From the beginning scene where we see the Smokey of the title drinking from a baby bottle with booze in it while waiting for speeders in Backwater, USA, I knew I was in for a slow downhill ride to nowhere. I was right.If one county, let alone backwoods town actually had this many car crashes in the course of one day, they could very well become the scrap metal center of the known world. As it turns out, this entire movie IS the scrap (minus the "s") center of the known world all by itself.Gale Ann Hurd produced this when she was young and foolish. We all gotta start somewhere, I suppose.One star. Plus half a star for the dumb jock football player.