2-Headed Shark Attack (2012)

How could anyone Not like this movie! It's seems almost too real! The shark looked like an actual shark which completely blew my super smart mind! OMG! They obviously put millions of dollars into this movie and that's why it will win a Grammy! Brooke Hogan plays the most intriguing man in this film! It was kind of weird how I almost saw his pecker though but I didn't mind it. Carmen Electra basically played with herself the whole movie but hey who wouldn't enjoy that! I know I loved it! It was crazy seeing how that big of a shark could take down a whole island by itself! Not even jaws could do that. This movie is 10/10 I will never see a better movie. Even batman sucks compared to this!

Don't get me wrong, I like watching terrible movies. Just a couple of weeks ago I subjected myself to "Sharktopus," which was quite terrible but mildly entertaining throughout. I wish I could say the same about this pile of crap that some call a "movie." No amount of boobs or ridiculously long scenes of Carmen Electra sunbathing could save this movie from the depths of hell in which it rightfully rests. I have never really felt that watching any movie has been a waste of time. This movie changed my opinions and made me want the 80 or so minutes I spent watching this back so I could do something remotely good for humanity, like destroying every copy of this movie ever made to save the children from having to live in a world where this terrible movie exists. Excusing the flimsy plot held up by Carmen Electra's sex appeal which can only be exploited so many times before we begin to see through it, there are so many things wrong with this movie that I personally believe that those responsible for making it should be shot. Why in the hell is there a concrete bridge on some remote island in the Pacific? If I tried to list everything in this movie that was wrong, I would have to drop out of school and make this a full-time job. Don't watch this movie. Even if you like movies like "Troll 2," you will find yourself wishing you had never heard of this monstrosity. Like the two-headed shark, this movie should be blown up by a gas tank that somehow explodes with a wet t-shirt ignited underwater.

This bad boy is a bit hard to swallow. I appreciated the lovely young actresses that contributed to this, it will serve as a snapshot of their youth and they can show their grandkids. "See Timmy, I was in a movie!" This movie may help at your next kegger to show rock hard abs and pecs and luscious breasts and buttocks to party goers to encourage their drunken and ultimately regrettable hookups. And throw in a two-headed shark, a 90's style nu-metal soundtrack, and Carmen Electra, and boy howdy, you got it all! Don't forget to pour at a 33 degree angle. A bad movie can be "so bad it's good", or just plain bad, but I will go on the record saying this movie is just plain bad. You may be tempted to alphabetize your record collection, vacuum the house or do your taxes during most of this movie. Condensed down to its essence, this movie would be an entertaining bad flick as a 30 minute short, but as a feature length, it drags in ways that simply lost my attention and compelled me to find something to while away the gaps in the action. Don't get me wrong, though. The nudity was nice, but cold comfort in a production that drags like bed springs through a mud bog. The shark makes few appearances, and for a bad shark movie you need to pour on the shark! It's just the rules of bad film. Yes, I love boobs but I watched this movie for a shark (OK, a shark and boobs).But, as i mentioned earlier, you could throw it on at a party and get your drunk friends to rip on it. Throw some conversation in the mix in between scenes and this movie would be a much better watch. But the rating here reflects an objective opinion, and not MST3K standards. Your value may vary, depending on how stoned or apathetic you are.I often have been called gullible at best and have at times been involved in scientology, short-term loans, and flipping beanie babies, but I have a very difficult time believing that Brooke Hogan knows how to weld and that a bad ass sea captain winces in agony at a dime-sized scrape on his leg.

While the opening credits roll, we are given a taste of the story as water boarders are consumed in a big "2-Headed Shark Attack". This mean monster has more than twice the appetite of your average shark. Our victims are college students out boating for a "semester at sea." They show of their tanned chests and ability to read lines with, apparently, little rehearsal time. "What's my motivation?" translates, "Take off your shirt, scream and get eaten by the two-headed shark, stupid!" The professor on this fateful voyage is Charlie O'Connell (as Franklin Babish). His companion is the deliciously proportioned Carmen Electra (as Anne)...The main purpose for this idiotic story is to showcase sexually attractive college students being attacked by a shark. Producers get this job done. This is an otherwise barely competent movie. The cast is attractive but do not show many acting skills. Top-billed Carmen Electra is given little to say, for which she should be thankful. The lead is Brooke Hogan, daughter of "wrestler" Hulk Hogan. She's afraid of water. The leading man is brainy David Gallegos (as Paul) and muscular Geoff Ward (as Cole) serves as a secondary villain. The shark attacks are so poorly done you have to hope producers install sobriety checkpoints at the "Asylum" studio.** 2-Headed Shark Attack (1/17/12) Christopher Ray ~ Brooke Hogan, Charlie O'Connell, Carmen Electra, David Gallegos