Scary Movie 5 (2013)

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if we never get parody films being produced ever again after this. Holy. Mama. Flipping. Spoof. Balls. What a monstrosity. I can't believe I endured it. I've done it guys! I actually watched the whole thing in one sitting. I've evolved as a film critic, and I didn't press B to cancel. Throw anything at me, I'll watch it. Unstoppable. Uncontrollable. Un-flipping-believable. I am...that guy. A family adopt two feral girls and move into a house that is haunted by a mothering ghost. 'Mama' plus 'Paranormal Activity' divided by 'Cabin in the Woods' multiplied by 'Inception' and halved by 'Fifty Shades of Grey' equals one of the worst films I've ever seen. It's not even bad good...it's just plain bad. It started off well with a self-referential scene including Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan, and then it declined to nothingness. I didn't laugh once, heck I didn't even smile. The jokes were horrendous and seemed like they could only appeal to a three year old. Honestly. There were more jokes orientated towards bums then actually anything witty...in fact, there was no wit. It was aimless. Dumb. When was sticking an object up your ass and smelling it funny? When was spontaneously combusting babies humorous? I just can't even comprehend the thought process of this! The lack Anna Faris and Regina Hall was noticeable and was a huge detriment to this fifth instalment. Ashley Tisdale? Really!? Shouldn't she be singing next to a swimming pool in 'High School Musical 2'? Heck, I don't want her on my screen! Snoop Dogg? Usher!? They really were clutching at straws here, sweet lord! I saw better acting in the porn video I watched this morning, and there was no talking in that! Christ! This genre is done. This film has resulted in the decimation of parodies. It's outdated. It's stupid. It's absurdly unfunny. It's just wrong. Scary Movie V is, without a doubt, atrocious. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to chill in the sun with a fresh cold cider and rethink my life...

I'm reading other people's reviews and I can not believe how many of you hate this movie. I think 9 out of 10 people gave 1/10 only because 0/10 does not exist. OK, movie is unbelievable retarded, but what else did you expect?! Darn, this is Scary Movie franchise = bunch of retarded parodies of blockbusters that were kicking through the roof since last Scary Movie. Like all of its prequels this one has shallow and vulgar sense of humor that will sometimes cause you to cry from laughter and sometimes it will kick you in the face with cruel transfer of embarrassment. It can not compare to Wayans movies, but it is definitely better than previous one, Scary Movie 4. So if you want quality subtle humor based on deep thoughts and philosophy skip it, but if you wanna give your head a break and just relax and have some retards make you laugh to their stupidity you are on the right place.5,5/10Movies parodied in SM5, at least those I recognized:Titanic - previous Scary Movies - The Ring - The Cabin in the Woods - The Passion of the Christ - Paranormal Activity - Inception - Black Swan - Mob Wives - Planet of the Apes - Ted - Evil Dead - Mama - 50 Shades of Grey

Scary movie 5, as a sequel, was a real disaster, especially, if compared to the really successful 1-4 counterparts. At the very beginning, the Sheen-Lohan sex scene started well till useless details were added which made this scene so monotonous. The other successive scenes which over-employed children made the movie even provocatively and non-amusingly shocking. Lots of scenes appeared to have the aim of stereotyping, to give few examples, the Latino housemaid metonymically indicated that Latinos foolishly and frequently appeal to God to rid them of superstitious-based troubles caused by their own clumsy nature. Blacks (Snoopy Dog) a drug addict outlaw, (Tyson) was even more foolish, the psychic was a dodger, thieve, and con, in addition to the black ballet dancer who couldn't even fit into the romantic art; though she was good in lascivious pole dancing. Scary movie 5 could be the worst movie in history ever.

I loved the previous scary movies, especially 1 and 3. This one however, not only did it not take all the elements of the humor from the previous ones- the clever spoofs, the witty jokes, the plot twists- but it ruined them.They did not put any thought at all at how they will direct the story, they just threw together movies like the paranormal activity, black swan, the evil dead, but they did not make any parody of them in any clever way, they just made references to them.The movie is plot-less in a bad way, boring and practically no moments of laugh. Not recommended.