One Million Years B.C. (1967)

Studly John Richardson plays a caveman named Tumak during the early days of man. He ends up banished from his own tribe (the "rock people"), after a falling out with his father *and* brother. After some wandering, he is attracted to a more peaceable tribe known as the "shell people", in particular a vivacious bikini wearing babe named Loana (Raquel Welch). Winning her favor will be only one of his problems, as he wears out his welcome with the shell people as well, and there are always dinosaurs and other animals to avoid.I'm sure some viewers will go in expecting a good time given the ingredients: super sexy Welch in the role that made her a superstar, typically solid production values from Britains' legendary Hammer Studios, and an abundance of dinosaurs created by stop motion master Ray Harryhausen. The film offers good fun, and even a little social commentary along the way. (Tumak learns the appeal of feminism from the shell people.) Shot on various locations in Spain as well as at Elstree Studios in England, there's pretty scenery in addition to the pretty gals on hand. Mario Nascimbene provides the soaring music score and the striking "musical effects". Harryhausen does typically amazing work with his creations, although they're supplemented by a little bit of the traditional method of making ordinary animals (an iguana, a tarantula) look massive through trick photography. Some of the special effects may show their age, but doubtless some viewers will still prefer this sort of thing to the digital FX that would be rendered nowadays.The performances are as engaging as any portrayals of primitive people could be. Richardson is a strapping hero, but Welch is required to do little more than look good. (Hey, not that anybody's complaining here!) Co-starring are sultry cult icon Martine Beswicke ("Prehistoric Women"), who has a memorable catfight with Raquel, Percy Herbert ("Man in the Wilderness"), and Robert Brown (best known for playing M in the James Bond adventures of the 1980s).A remake of the 1940 feature "One Million B.C.", this is suitably rousing entertainment with a truly exciting final reel.Eight out of 10.

This is by far Ray Harryhausen's worst work, a disappointment on every level. Although there is some good stop motion dinosaur action,there is also plenty of disappointing lizards on green screen action. It has a slow moving story and absolutely NO dialogue. They should have gone with less grunting and more action.The cave people seem to know everything except how to communicate with each other and that's lame.And why do they all live in one cave?Being able to watch a young Raquel Welch makes it bearable. I'd recommend this to fans of Welch and Harryhausen but all of them have probably seen it already.Otherwise,only watch this if you like to be very bored.

For their 100th release, Hammer Films remade the 1940 cavemen groaner One Million B.C. It would prove to be a roaring box office success, whilst simultaneously making Raquel Welch an iconic poster girl and Ray Harryhausen an even bigger hero.Plot is slight. Two tribes exist in prehistoric times, the Rock People and the Shell People. The former are more aggressive and basic, the latter more forward and assured. Tumak (John Richardson) of the Rocks and Loana (Welch) wind up together, fighting prejudices and lots of giant beasties! Hooray!That's really it, the message is clear but ultimately we are here for the dinosaurs and giant creatures (well OK, the scantily clad cave dwellers as well), with Harryhausen once again showing why he was a legend in his field of animation. With good fights, a bit of sexy sizzle and a volcanic finale, it's all good really.It's no history lesson of course, but as Harryhausen was wont to say, they wasn't making a film for history professors! 7/10

I remember seeing this one in a small first release cinema back in 1967 when it was first released. As the cinema was part of a nation-wide chain owned by 20th Century-Fox, naturally the version screened for an audience of seven (me plus six usherettes) was the 91-minute USA cutdown. Admittedly, screening the British version would have made no difference to the size of the audience. With the sole exceptions of "Fantastic Voyage" (1966) and "Bedazzled" (1967), all the films in which Raquel starred were total write-offs in Australia. Worse, her part in "Fantastic Voyage" could hardly be described as typical; while as for "Bedazzled", her role was little more than a cameo. To say that Miss Welch had no box office appeal in Australia would be the understatement of the year. That's a shame because I always liked her. My favorite of her movies is "Fathom". I also like "Lady in Cement", even though most of the glory here belongs to Frank Sinatra. As for "One Million Years B.C.", I think Miss Welch looks far more appealing in the publicity photos than in the film itself. Also John Richardson struck me as an actor with no charisma. Like him or hate him, you can't say that about Victor Mature who starred in Hal Roach's first version, "One Million B.C.", back in 1940. And for those who groove on special effects, the 1940 film is far more spectacular.