War of the Planets (1978)

Has a good science fiction film ever come out of Italy? Plenty of bad ones have, and this one might be the worst of the lot. This "2001" wannabe has a disjointed script, amateurish acting, inane-looking sets, crappy costumes with idiotic red helmets, supercomputers made of cardboard with flashing lights and robotic voices, and a dubbing job that makes the Gamera films sound professional.The plot: When the Earth receives a mysterious transmission from beyond its solar system, Captain Alex Hamilton and his starship crew investigate. After much tedium, the ship lands on the planet that sent the signal. It has been taken over by a supercomputer that has killed much of the planet's population and frightened the survivors into living underground. The computer sent the transmission because it needed help replacing its burnt-out circuits, and the natives weren't smart enough for the job. Hamilton destroys the supercomputer (by throwing a rock at it!), but in the process causes a chain reaction that blows up the entire planet. Oops!Item: in the space scenes, the stars bear an uncanny resemblance to light bulbs.Item: in several scenes, the background is solid black. Was a bluescreen beyond the budget, or did the director simply not give a damn?Item: the aliens suggest a cross between Yoda and Hare Krishnas, dipped in Rustoleum.Item: in this futuristic world, people have sex fully clothed and with no physical contact, instead laying their hands on a big ball that sits between them. (Hey, don't ask me!)Item: Captain Hamilton takes one of the alien beings, Etor, aboard the ship (for no apparent reason). Once they're in space, Etor watches the destruction of both his planet and species. His reaction? Well, he doesn't actually have one. For all the emotion on his face, Etor might as well have been watching "The MacNeil/Lehrer Report."Item: The film "climaxes" with a crew member, who the supercomputer has somehow possessed, attempting to sabotage the ship. His face has sprouted ugly red abscesses, he appears to have grown fangs, he foams at the mouth, and his nose runs copiously. As for how a computer can possess a man…. You can't possibly think this film would provide an explanation!Finally, my two favorites lines of dialogue:1) "We disappeared from one place and appeared in another!" 2) "Those strange signals are so baffling."

Only the most determined and devoted of science fiction fans will make it all the way through this without reaching for an extra strength Tylenol. You might also get a headache by the red and tan outfits that the astronauts wear in this, with caps to match. The leaders of the mission look like they raided Aquaman's closet and headed to the other direction to avoid discovery. It's in the hands of hot tempered captain John Richardson to figure out what's causing some sort of interference all over earth, and that supposedly has something to do with huge meteor showers flying through space. Tedious from start to finish, this lays there like one of Mars' moons, simply spouting off scientific sounding terms to sound intelligent. What it ends up as is pretentious and phony, really offering no surprises and making absolutely no sense. Unless this was released with the financial assistance of a pain reliever firm, it makes no sense as to how this escaped a movie studio editing booth.

War Of The Planets is an Italian science fiction production with cheesy special effects and British actor John Richardson as the captain of a future spaceship much like the Enterprise. When earth starts getting some strange signals, Richardson and the crew go outside our solar system and find a rogue planet with humanoid slaves working for a super colossal computer that's now running everything. The machine feeds on psychic energy and the humanoids it has as slaves are running out. That's why it wants to colonize earth and enslave its population. The film tries for special effects like those in 2001, but misses the mark in light years and in the dollars Stanley Kubrick had available. I wouldn't worry too much if you miss this one, earth survived and so will you.

This could actually be the Plan 9 Ed Wood predicted so long ago. If this indeed was Plan 9, well chances are Earth had been prepared for it and there have been no casualties. Bless the gods.Whenever I tell my friends about this movie, as well as the other B movies my mother has an obsession with collecting, they never truly believe me when I say that this movie is a very terrible re-imagining of Star Wars. I cannot even dignify a decent review as the previous two reviews already explained what it's about and pretty much state the obvious, so my review here is moot.There's an actor here me and my own mother mistook for Robin Williams, and by all the love in heaven, if Rob was in this movie... not only would the movie be an improvement - it'd probably be a restounding success.Well, in closing, this wasa crummya meataball. 'Nuff said.