Pirates (1986)

Back before Johnny Depp revolutionised the pirate movie with his camp ways there were the odd rum fuelled flicks such as this. Roman Polanski doing what he does best which is creating lavish productions that tend to not be overly successful at first but gain cult status.The story is naturally a typically salty one involving Walter Matthau's 'Captain Red' and his young French sidekick trying to pinch a golden throne from some fancy pant Spaniards. At the same time there is of course a love interest for the young dashing French sailor, mutinies, plenty of galleon boarding from both sides and lots of skullduggery on land and at sea. I think this film is very similar to 'The Fearless Vampire Killers' in the fact that its actually kinda dull but looks beautiful. All the pirates, especially Matthau, look as they should do, covered in dirty rag-like attire, greasy facial hair, deep tans, golden teeth...every bit the stereotypical swashbuckling sea dog. I was quite intrigued with the wooden leg Matthau's Captain has, it really looks like he has a real wooden peg leg! and this is before CGI folks, impressed. On the flip side the Spanish look perfectly rich, aristocratic, pompous, snooty and dignified in their very impressive duds. The wigs sell the whole look if you ask me, really authentic looking.I was also very impressed with Matthau's cockney English accent. He genuinely does a sterling job with it and comes across not American that's for sure. At the same time Damien Thomas as the preening perfume smelling 'Don Alfonso' is by far the stand out performance. You can truly see the disgust and contempt in his face for the wretched pirate scum, I really enjoyed his peacock-like display of regal superiority.All the characters and extras look great and are accompanied by some luscious tropical locations and some nice olde worlde period ports (real locations). Did I mention the ship yet? no? well lemme tell you, it looks awesome. Fully realised to scale with a working motor so it can sail, completely detailed from top to bottom with everything you'd expect to see on a 17th Century Spanish vessel.Yep its all visually stunning with good performances but unfortunately that's about it. There is very little of interest going on plot wise, the film is way too long and there isn't that much swashbuckling going on surprisingly. This isn't a silly fantasy flick nor is it a historically accurate flick, but it does bring a more down to earth approach to the genre. There isn't much flamboyant heroics here ladies and gentlemen, more like backstabbing with every man for himself, more genuine. No way is it as bad as suggested and I'm not sure why it didn't do better at the cinema, its a solid romp. Think along the lines of Richard Lester's Three Musketeer movies but with less comedy.6/10

Judging by the comments this is a love / hate kinda debate. Personnaly, this is definitely a love thing for me. This is one of the most memorable movie I've seen as a kid. Pirates have always been my thing anyway, but that movie just hits the spot. Forget Errol Flynn, men in tights, daring do, platonic romance, this is a dirty, gritty, sometimes macabre affair, but always funny, and the duo lead actor works wonderfully.If you've seen Pirates Of The Caribbean (who hasn't), you'll see that it borrowed an awful lot from Polanski's. I definitely recommend it, an awesome pirate flick! - I haven't seen the English version, but the French version is more than adequate. No silly accents, sharp dialogs, very good.

Captain Red and his loyal companion "The Frog", get's "rescued" from the certain death by a Spanish ship. They later discover that the ship has a precious cargo. Captain Red is obsessed with treasures and things of value, but his french companion value human relationships higher. That difference leads to several funny situations.I saw this film over and over again as a little boy. My father had taped over certain parts of it with the weather news... It was the greatest pirate-film! When I finally saw it as an adult, I enjoyed it very much! Great costumes and a great story. If you like pirate-movies, this one is a must-see! It's the perfect B-film! A bit more funny this time around... The film has quite a lot of sword fighting and violence, but i reckon the film is suitable for kids over 10 years.

PIRATES Aspect ratio: 2.39:1 (Panavision)Sound format: 6-track Dolby Stereo(35mm and 70mm release prints)A crafty pirate (Walter Matthau) and his young French sidekick (Cris Campion) cross swords with the villainous captain of a Spanish galleon (Damien Thomas).Director Roman Polanski's return to commercial film-making after a seven year absence (following TESS in 1979) was a critical and commercial disappointment. His quirky humor doesn't translate to the period (unlike, say, his Hammer pastiche DANCE OF THE VAMPIRES), and he directs the action scenes with a clunky imprecision that almost sinks the entire project. On the plus side, however, Matthau's performance is appropriately larger than life, while newcomers Campion and Charlotte Lewis provide eye-candy of the highest order. A stellar supporting cast (Roy Kinnear, Bill Fraser, Ferdy Mayne, Anthony Dawson, Ian Dury, et al) romps amiably through lavish production values, all wasted on this empty-headed nonsense. Watchable, but unsatisfying.(English version)