Survivor (2014)

So apparently the Earth drifts out of its orbit for some reason and to fix this the human race decides to smash sub atomic particles together in particle accelerators despite the fact this would do absolutely nothing to solve the problem. Then to make matters worse for some other random reason these particle accelerators create mini black holes which proceed to heat up the Earth and boil off its oceans. This of course ignores the fact that said black holes would in fact rapidly descent to the Earth's core and begin eating it from the inside.Anyway what this film mostly consists of is a girl running, jumping and climbing a lot. At one point she even has a magic quiver of arrows which, despite the fact you can clearly see it has only one arrow in it, keeps producing new ones until she's killed all her enemies before finally running out. She also does a lot of posing on high rocky outcrops despite the fact she's trying to avoid the locals.Oh and Kevin Sorbo lies at the bottom of a cliff with a broken leg for two days in a desert yet appears not to be in any need of food or water. He really is Hercules it would appear.I notice this was funded through kickstarter so that old maxim of "a fool and his money are soon parted" seems as true today as ever. Probably more so if this nonsense is anything to go by.

It really is a bad movie, but if you're into mocking bad movies this is ripe with material for you. The story is slow and the dialog is terrible. The first half of the movie the main character runs around a lot. #### spoiler alert #####The movie is a total knockoff of The Time Machine (They travel to the future and the underground dwellers eat the surface dwellers).Moving on....My favorite scene is after the ship crashes and they revive their friend with three chest compressions just so they can tell her she's going to die.... and then she dies. I also enjoyed how they fall to earth and don't burn up in the atmosphere, and the bow and arrow that disappears and reappears.

I will not sugar coat it- this is one of the worst film I have ever seen. I am not exaggerating, not many terrible films I have seen quite compare to this one.Since I am a science student, I will start with the rather unconvincing physics in this film- I know I am being pedantic and this is a sci-fi film, but at least try to make it somewhat convincing. First, the protagonist Kate explains how they 'got there'- the Earth was going out of orbit (how?), so scientists used particle colliders to steer the Earth. Wow! Particle colliders to steer the Earth? They really think bumping a few protons together is going to make it all better? Oh but it gets worse, the ocean then 'evaporates'- I appreciate their awareness of climate change, but there just isn't enough fossil fuel, uranium etc. on the planet to do that. Coming onto the plot slightly, they packed a few survivors onto a spaceship as the Earth's ocean was evaporating. Come on, seriously, what were they doing before that? Isn't it a bit too late when the ocean was disappearing? OK, so the Earth was turning into hell and they couldn't find another habitable planet, so they just wondered in space for 40 odd years. Eventually they'll run out of fuel, considering how big that ship is. But OK, let's assume they have fusion power and packed a lot of what's left of the Earth's water on-board, wouldn't 40 years of wondering around still be a problem? Modern sea-faring ships need to be constantly resupplied every few months at best, and repaired every few years or so. But 40 years! Where's the food, repair material etc. coming from? It's like they threw the laws of thermodynamics out of the windows of the ship (if there was one). Now I know this is too much physics, so I'll cover one brief point- when giant chunks were falling out of the sky when their shuttle disintegrates, when they hit the ground maybe a couple of small flames appeared. But in the real world, a chunk that big will destroy a whole city, so Kate wouldn't be dodging those debris- oh no, she'd be dead.Now, the weak understanding of science on this film, which I only mentioned briefly in this review, is only a starter to why it's bad. Another reason is that the plot and characters don't even qualify the title of being 'one-dimensional' (let alone 3 dimensional). I put spoilers because the plot is very easy to describe- our omnipotent heroine somehow survives a crash landing, her friends are all kidnapped or killed. From then on it's just her running around killing things, climb a few mountains, then managed to mount a horse like a pro on her first ride, all without eating, drinking, sleeping and relieving! Plus she was chased by a few monsters, and was stalked by this bloke. Two plus sides are that most of the fights are well choreographed and the music seems appropriate, but everything was falling apart.All the characters are introduced too abruptly as well. Every character just suddenly appear, not to mention the minimal amount of personal back stories to make any of them 3 dimensional- I can count the number of occasions where we can explore their personal history or personality with a single hand- once where Kate explains (briefly) how lucky she survives to the grand old age of 21, and how she loves training, another occasion where the captain talked about horses on Earth, plus one more instance. But most of the time, it feels like- who is this (wo)man? Why is this happening? This is not a mystery or crime drama, where there is eureka moment, the whole thing is too incoherent.The film tried to mimic Planet of Apes' mystery about the truth of the 'alien' planet i.e. the protagonists are totally unaware that it is Earth in the future- and fails. The breadcrumbs were everywhere- horses, people with double barrel shotguns and skiing goggles, so it's very hard not to know that they are home. Lastly, the ending is ridiculous. The chief whose name I cannot remember blows himself up with a dynamite for some reason unexplained- then the bloke-who-was-stalking-Kate gave a very concise inspirational speech to his tribe. Wow, how they suddenly turned from trying to kill him to believing and cheering for him, even after he killed a lot of this own tribe's men.To sum up the whole film- the science is comical, the characters are somewhat stereotypical and not even one-dimensional. Forget about the plot- is there really a plot at all? Not to mention that the attempt to create some 'mystery' complete fails.

First off you really do have to hand to to this entire crew for creating a movie this big in scope completely through Kickstarter. This is a fully fleshed out scifi movie that sadly falls so flat. There is so much over acting, and way too much video game style leveling up as the story progressed. Simple things that make no sense like a comm system that seems to increase it's capabilities as we get 20 minutes further in. A strange race of Morlock types who seem fine with the sun, and still were shredded clothes that they could never have worn to begin with that look like stretch Armstrong, but they all go down with one punch. I kept trying to like this movie just for the sake of it, but there are just too many of those. A race of strange people speaking Klingon or something that can understand English just fine (The Queen's English at that). The action would be good enough if it wasn't so over the top, and over acted. The week are feeble, and the strong are not always strong. Kate can lift herself up a mountain with her arms, but has trouble on a horse, and they did say "gravity normal" when they first landed. Last thing really "Taking on water" where? then she was just floating under the water. Saturday afternoon popcorn stuff here. This is the movie you will watch while you clean the TV room. I really liked the special effects, most of the green screen was handled well, and the story is just too much like a loose Seventies kind of thing before real science started getting into science fiction stories. I Enjoyed the end result even though I was shaking my head a lot, so I say if you like movies where women kick but, and climb stuff, then this is that, and there are space ships too.Jesse of www.jesse.ca