Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous (2008)

I am a big anti-Simpson fan. Can't stand her, can't stand her movies. But I was very pleasantly surprised at "Private Valentine," not because it was high art or cinematic gold, but simply because it was fun, heartfelt, and managed to pull on some (albeit trite) heartstrings. For example, when Olesya Rulin's "mousy" private speaks strongly to Vivica Fox's First Sergeant "Do I look like I want to cry to you?" it was a nice payoff.There are many complaints by service personnel that the hair is not to proper length, the training sequences are not as accurate as they could be, etc etc. Does any of this matter? Of course not: this is a MOVIE, meant purely for entertainment, and it succeeds on that level.Watch it, enjoy it. Unless you only enjoy obscure Eastern European art films, you will not regret the time spent here.

I don't quite understand why people get bent out of shape over this movie. If you go in thinking that it's going to be an accurate portrayal of the armed forces then you're just as dumb as you claim everyone in this movie to be. Come on people, it's a light hearted MOVIE. Last I checked in no way was this ever billed as anything other than what this movie is. I am neither here nor there on any of Jessica's career moves but she played this bubbly character well. Whether that may be her playing a role or just being herself, may I ask the naysayers, why in the world do you care enough to be upset? It was not your job or duty to watch this movie so the choice to even consider watching the movie was all personal choice. But yet she's stupid and you bash her for the choice you made. The bottom line is simple, if you dislike her, if you're a gungho armed forces member, if you're all out bitter and pessimistic about everything then don't watch the movie. Don't be mad at the movie or actors because you chose to sit through an hour and a half of something you probably didn't care for to begin with.

I have to admit that I was drawn to "Major Movie Star" AKA "Private Valentine" mostly for the chance of seeing Jessica Simpson's fit body in a military uniform. The film itself is a predictable but painless affair. There are the expected "fish out of water" gags, the expected "rivalries that turn to friendships", and the expected "life lessons". Few of the gags show any notable wit. The film also feels prolonged, and is less raunchy than I would have preferred (some catfights are teased....but never occur). Jessica Simpson is probably one of the best things in the film. She often looks radiant, and has a million dollar smile. Of course she's basically playing herself, so no great acting stretches there! In the supporting cast, two women stand out: Olesya Rulin, who makes her nerdy character genuinely likable, and Cheri Oteri, as the toughest of the new recruits (she was actually a former sergeant who left the army but regretted it). For a comedy that's so predictable and tame, this one passes the time easily enough. ** out of 4.

This role is not a stretch for Ms. Simpson..she plays a down on her luck movie star who joins the army after a rough night and a bad breakup. The first twenty minutes of the movie are painful but it picks up once our main character joins the army. Cheri Oteri really shines in the film and she has some of the funniest scenes in the film. Keiko Agena, formerly of the Gilmore Girls, is totally under utilized and her comic potential is still untapped. Overall, this is predictable comedy that seems like a bad remake of "Private Benjamin". In fact, if you want to see a funny film about a rich spoiled girl who joins the army you are better off with Goldie Hawn's classic 80's film than this cheesy flick.