The Incredible Petrified World (1959)

I've been a follower of James Cameron, and before that Jaque Coustou, I sit and watch the silent underwater splendor in rapt awe. Wait, Flashback to 1957. Things were different back then. Where do we begin? Main titles over a agitated and stormy water tank. It didn't quite look like water but it sure was stormy. The music, no composer listed, is dramatic and symphonic. The titles are followed by a five minute undersea documentary, posing as a undersea documentary at some sponsors house, everything credible so far, but then we are only six minutes in. I could say much of how this film is child like, jumping from credible to jaw dropping dumb. first a little background; Four in a diving bell, two men and two women reporters, Phyliss Coates who played Louis Lane in the original Superman TV show is our star reporter.Their purpose is go down to explore the uncharted depths, The diving bell fits all four explorers. A most interesting craft,it does not seem to have any control panel. nor much storage room, nor any seats. It does have a ladder in the middle of the set, this ladder is filmed with obvious affection, as we are prone to watch numerous takes, of flipper feet trying to navigate it as best as they could. This is a Magic Diving bell, you can climb to the top, open the hatch and go your merry way without flooding the chamber, now this sounds dumb, and it is, eat your heart out James Cameron.On the plus side (yeah there is one) The scuba divers exiting from the glowing ball, has an unanticipated unworldly effect. even if they repeat it three or four times. Of what are we aware? the cable snapped at about seventeen hundred feet, Ilove that the gage above and below has only two markings, one hundred feet, and five hundred feet, but the needle keeps spinning. The bell landed on a ledge of some sort, They never show it in a medium shot. The explorers who suspect that they are much closer to the surface, decides to don their gear, and swim to the surface.They all climb the ladder and swim away from the bell, They swim without using their arms. (will the last one out shut the door please) and they are not crushed by the pressure, they discover (also never shown any medium shots) a tourist attraction in Arizona.No really, they seem to come up from underwater to sit in these pre-lit, bright and airy collection of stalactites and stalagmites,complete with a Lizard and a Hoary castaway. Oh man, seventeen years without wimins.It's not surprising (OK yes it is) that his eyes seem to pop out larger with every glance at them.Funny business in the cave; The air in the cave comes from a underground Volcano. (slaps forehead) Of course any child knows volcano's generate oxygen, well our intrepid explores figure that the Volcano is an unsurmountable road block. Perhaps he should watch,Land of the Lost, or at least "Journey to the Center of the Earth. where the volcano provided escape.Scene, in the cavern, the two guys build a fire, OK maybe I could buy dried seaweed, but no, one of the main guys says, as he jumps up, "I'll go get some more fire..." wood? I love the build up for the Lizard scene. They come to a cavern make a right turn, the two ladies eyes go wide, the music dramatically builds, the men grip the ladies arms, and you can hear a gasp!visual: A small monitor lizard is sitting there, doing nothing. One can't quite gage the size, The four appear to be looking at the lizard and you get the impression that the lizard is in a deep pit, or in fact is very small, like six inches. Having watched a survival movie (the Way Back, superior) I suspect they would best catch and eat the thing. The Men take three or more trips back to the bell, no problem still dry inside. They pick up a few supplies and to shorten this report, they are discovered and rescued. But not before the volcano (never wholly shown), but represented by rivers of lava, on stock footage, flows.The cave-in drops a few rubber rocks on the caveman, just as he is about to reveal his ugly true nature, and ask one of the Ladies for a date. The two women are next seen in the second rescue bell, it looks just like the first. But now everyone is going home. HoorayAs I mentioned earlier, the movie follows a child like path of logic; there is light because the walls glow, there are pools of fresh water at every other turn, and fresh air because of a Volcano. childlike explanations.Unexplained happenings, like why did the second diver go limp at the big rescue scene,he said he had enough oxygen, and further more how did they revive him with a cup of coffee that one of the divers conveniently had on his person (wouldn't leave home without it!) The old pros, John Carradine, and other senior members of the cast, hold their own, the parts shot with them are like from a different movie, an intelligent one, maybe. If any movie would be a candidate for mystery theater, this is the one, I found myself making the funny remarks, for the first time.

Renowned designer John Carradine's deep sea diving expedition goes awry when the bell containing four intrepid adventurers (Clarke, Coates, Noonan and Windsor) capsizes into a prehistoric labyrinth of caverns deeper than anything in living memory. The four weary travellers discover an elderly man (Bernard with a ridiculous stick-on beard), allegedly a shipwrecked sailor whose leering gaze at the first women he's seen in fourteen years gets a little too creepy for comfort. They set about finding a way out, but discover an inland volcano is blocking their path to freedom.Some classic corny dialogue includes my personal favourite between Coates and Noonan which goes something like "I was hoping we could help each other out" to which Coates replies sarcastically "you don't need any help and neither do I, especially while there are two men about". What is it they're talking about exactly? There's also the penultimate moment where one of the divers runs out of air "how long's he been without air?" "Only a few minutes" "I've got some coffee" "There, he's coming around now". Tremendous stuff.Carradine is professional and Clarke stoic to the last, while former "Lois Lane" Coates perfects the woman scorned. George Skaff is a recognisable face (mainly from the 70's) and then you can't easily dismiss Maurice Bernard making faces as the old man from the cave. Throw in a half-dozen miniatures, an octopus versus shark contest, a great montage scene and a Nescafe moment and you've got a certified, 63 minute turkey.

"When a diving bell goes missing along with its crew of four, their expedition gives up hope of finding them alive. However, the missing vehicle has become trapped in a labyrinth of underwater caverns. After exiting their craft, the foursome encounters a survivor from a shipwreck who informs them that there is no escape from their underwater tomb. Our intrepid explorers, however, trace the flow of oxygen to a volcanic vent and a possible escape route," according to the DVD sleeve description.Possibly, producer/director Jerry Warren was trying to fool audiences into thinking something might happen if he had professor John Carradine (as Millard Wyman) submerge two shapely 1950s women - lady reporter Phyllis Coates (as Dale Marshall) and Sheila Noonan (as Lauri Talbott) - with two heterosexual men. Wrong. Ms. Coates is trying to get over "Tom" (tossing his hopefully cheap ring into a pool) and Ms. Noonan fails to hook up with Robert Clarke (as Craig Randall). Nothing excites. * The Incredible Petrified World (1959) Jerry Warren ~ Robert Clarke, Phyllis Coates, John Carradine, Sheila Noonan

Needless to say, this is not a good movie. It's barely an adequate movie, although if the name Ed Wood were attached to it (and, based on what I've seen, it almost could be), it might get some better reviews.THE INCREDIBLE PETRIFIED WORLD begins in a manner similar to a nature film: it's shark versus octopus, round one! Quick spoiler: the shark wins. From there, we're introduced to Professor Millard Wyman (John Carradine), who has invented some sort of diving bell. Really, what we're seeing is a large balloon on the outside and a considerably larger set representing the inside. They talk on and on about this diving bell throughout the film, so expect that dead horse to get beaten even deader. From here, a four-person diving crew--two men, two women--are sent out to sea in the bell, with the intention of having them dive below the surface to a record depth. Instead, the cable on the bell snaps, and the foursome are dropped to the bottom without a lifeline, apparently doomed to suffocate.Instead, the four discover they haven't fallen quite as far as they thought, and they attempt to surface without regard to getting the bends. They find themselves in a cavernous area (maybe one or two sets worth) with a strongly vaginal opening, where they roam around in search of an exit. During their time, they encounter some stock footage of a gila monster, a skeleton, and eventually a caveman who, for whatever reason, knows he's been there for fourteen years. The caveman tells them that there's no escape, even though they really aren't that far from the surface (as is later revealed) and he evidently takes a liking for the one of the women, only to get killed by a volcano eruption after trying to molest her.Long story short (too late), the foursome end up getting rescued when the good Professor Wyman finds the diving bell which, oddly enough, is right where they left it.There are plenty of older movies out there that were good for their time, this is not one of them. There are also plenty of movies out there that are "so bad, they're good," in that in spite of the incompetence of those who made them are absolutely hilarious and fun to watch--again, this is not one of them. Very little of interest ever happens over the course of this movie, as I'm sure others will attest to. Keep in mind that this is a public domain movie, and it can be found online for free, so don't waste your money trying to track down a copy of it. It is also included on Mill Creek/Treeline's "SciFi Classics" 50 movie pack, which is a fairly cheap way of acquiring it along with several movies that are much more interesting.