Staten Island Summer (2015)

Just another silly teenage sex and drug movie. Enough SNL stars to bring some humor to it. And thank god for leaving Seth Rogan out of it. It was worth a few laughs.

This is a coming of age story for the lifeguards at the Great Kills Swim Club on Staten Island. The crew try to find true love and sex during the last day of summer bash before Danny (Graham Phillips) goes off to Harvard. Krystal Manicucci (Ashley Greene) daughter of local mafia leader (Vincent Pastore) shows up with over-the-top swagger as she becomes the focus of Danny's attention, a woman who was his former babysitter.The lifeguards include a diverse cast of characters, that would generally be good enough for any teen sex comedy. The downfall of the film was that the actors couldn't pull it off. There were good scenes, but no great scenes. Guide: F-bomb. Brief sex and nudity.

Maureen Donohue is really lucky she stopped watching after 15 minutes. This is probably the worst teen comedy I've ever seen. It's filled with ridiculous plot devices that are just plain stupid without any redeeming humor, such as the handyman using jet fuel to destroy a hornet's nest. Another unfortunate aspect is that it may encourage dangerously irresponsible behavior among teenagers who watch it and think it reflects how a teenager behaves to be considered cool or to attract the opposite sex. But the movie isn't just stupid and not very funny. It's also quite offensive. The scene with the ice cream truck driver swearing vociferously in front of a group of small children was completely unnecessary. It did not advance the story in any way, and if this were happening in real life, somebody would be calling the police. The most offensive aspect of the movie is reserved for it's implication that it's normal behavior for a boy in the third grade to dry hump whatever is handy while fantasizing about diddling his babysitter. Who is the lame-brained sicko who wrote the script, I wondered. Was I ever shocked to discover it's the head writer for SNL, Colin Jost, who has won numerous awards. He seems to be a few bricks short of a load when it comes to sexual intelligence, and I'm referring to the overall depiction of boy-girl relations in the movie, not just the particular scene I mentioned. After seeing the movie, I wasn't surprised to discover that he names Norm McDonald as a primary influence for his stint on Weekend Update. McDonald was by far the worst ever on Weekend Update in the history of the show, at least up to Seth Myers (haven't seen it since). In fact, McDonald was so bad that it was irritating to have to sit through Weekend Update before seeing the rest of the show. That Jost thinks McDonald was so great is just weird. Maureen is no longer enamored with Animal House. But, believe me, you're way better off watching Animal House again than wasting your time on this piece of garbage, especially disappointing since it has a number of SNLers in the cast.

It started out quite good. The first ten minutes in, I was very interested. But then it just got lazy...the writing was sloppy and careless. The acting wasn't very good. And the plot seemed like a worse version of Superbad. I'm 21 years old, and I'm basically the target audience for a movie like this. I've enjoyed almost every other summer comedy about partying, but this one was dragged out, corny, and just overall a bad movie. Give me my 2 hours back please...? I don't recommend it.PS- Jim Gaffigan was hilarious.PPS- The main character was not...at all.