Born to Raise Hell (2010)

Years ago I liked some of Segals work for the simple action. But, this movie is simply an insult to the intelligence of the viewers. Somebody should have offered some sort of advice to the crew responsible for this. Just about any aspect of this movies is poor. I strongly suggest you skip this one.

Last evening I decided to play a bit of Russian roulette again watch one one Steven Seagal's direct to DVD movies that was given on W9. Again there was nothing else worth watching and I did think the last one that I watched, The Keeper, was too bad (for a direct to DVD by Steven Seagal that is) so I thought let's watch it.This was not one of the better movies that I have watched to say the least. The movie starts off with a series of rapid cuts from a fire-fight and it pretty much continues in that manner. The entire movie is cut in a very choppy manner which I personally am not too thrilled about. The plot is forgettable to say the least and the entire movie is just a copy-paste job of standard scenes and actions sequences from start to finish.The action scenes are not too bad and what makes the movie not be a total waste. Do not try to find any logic in people's actions though. There is none. When Seagal felt he wanted some tough talk then he plopped it in and so on. I guess he likes scantily clad ladies as well since the movie is liberally sprinkled with them. Too bad only the bad guys seems to have the hard hitting chicks working for them though.Someone said that this was a "guy movie" and I would say that is a correct statement. It is filled with elements that would appeal to the stereotype of some "beer belching" male person doing most of his thinking using the reptile parts of his brain. I do not mind action, though talk and scantily clad ladies in the movies but I do prefer when there is a script worth talking about to string everything together instead if just throwing them into a blender and serve the slop that comes out.Not a total waste of an evening but close.

Another ill-distinguished action odyssey from big man Seagal, in which an age-old storyline involving rival gangs of gangsters and one dedicated cop is spoiled by dumbass direction and some of the worst editing you'll ever witness. Yes, it's another low rent movie in which a great deal of could-have-been-good action scenes are spoiled by dizzyingly bad, sea-sickening cutting.Seagal has more of a hand in this than usual, having written and produced as well as starred (although, as is the norm for the actor these days, sometimes the hand isn't his own: the body and voice doubles are back in force). This time around he's an imported American cop, wearing a flak jacket and leading a police squad through some grimy streets in scenes probably inspired by his own TV show, STEVEN SEAGAL: LAWMAN. Along the way he contends with Brando-lookalike Russian mafia man Dimitri and a particularly vicious rapist/murderer gypsy.The supporting cast and locales are entirely Romanian, and a great deal of scenes take place in strip joints where women parade around in their next-to-nothings and Seagal glowers at anyone who comes close. There are the requisite goons to be dealt with, along with walking clichés (the partner who finds out he's about to become a dad) and a 20 year-old girlfriend who awkwardly frolics with the star in the sack at one stage. Not a good look, man.

Steven Seagal is sitting down in his favorite Romanian restaurant with his 19-year old blonde girl-friend; he is wearing his favorite turtle-neck and leather jacket combination for the occasion. When he is done ordering for him and her from a dodgy-looking waiter ("She's having what I'm having, because I'm totally awesome. - What I'm having? I don't know, what are you having?"), two even more dodgy-looking pony-tailed Albanians pop up, and certainly not to sell roses...So Steven tries to get up, falls over - almost into a fire - because for some reason unknown to the viewer, he suddenly seems to be wearing no less than FOUR TURTLENECK SWEATERS! So his stunt-double is trying to get up while Steve is fighting off two dodgy-looking Albanians and multiple turtlenecks. On top of that he's wearing a MASSIVE bullet-proof SHIELD that leaves room for about seven more turtlenecks and two more leather jackets! Just as everything gets get way too complicated on the eyes, ears and brain, the muscles take over and get the job done! Steven Seagal's hand muscles - in extreme close-up: supreme slapping by Steve! Every other Balkan-type is effortlessly brushed aside with a top-spin backhand.Steve pushes a few more - also some innocent looking staff - out of the window and takes his stone-faced trophy by the hand. "This is why I hate eating out," he groans as he walks out of the place.And he is so right. Putting on multiple turtlenecks, two or three leather jackets and a kevlar suit two times the size of Oprah Winfrey must be a hassle - let alone the fans that want a word, an autograph or a smack in the face ("Please, Steve - It would be an honor!"). Add that to the fact that it takes him about five minutes to get a bite of food down. Steve is practically unable to breathe during dinner and he has to rely on ancient eastern meditation techniques to stay alive!No - bothering the maestro during a meal is certainly not a good plan. Don't do it kids, stay in school! Don't do Steven Seagal. Well, not unless you're 18, or until you're 16. Or before you're totally awesome. Like the pony-tailed sushi-chef extra-ordinaire himself, the man whose hair has miraculously started to grow back since 1988, after a mystical experience at a Rick Astley concert. The man we have all learned to love, in spite and because of everything he is, was, and will be.If one time, the day comes that I am to meet him, I will not kneel and kiss his feet - no siree Bob! I will stay out of his way, because I'm afraid he will do something unexpected , like quote Shakespeare. And that would not be right. Because, not only is Steven Frederic Seagal an outstanding thespian in his own right and time and place in time and space, he's an excellent auteur as well. So there is absolutely no in him quoting a fellow playwright. Hah! Having said that and having said this and having said earlier that what I'm saying right now may or may not be entirely according to the truth as we know it , I rest my case.