The 7 Adventures of Sinbad (2010)

This movie is so bad that I am forced to write this review so that others don't waste an hour and a half of their lives on this movie. Please don't rent it, don't see it, even if it's for free. The premise of the movie was a good one, and once the Island began to sink I thought 'hmm maybe this will be a good film'. But once Loa came in dressed with a bra made of belt straps with a broken English and then after 20 minutes, she could speak it properly... I knew that it was going to be downhill from there. Reasons why I think that this is a bad film. 1. Too much computer animations, and they didn't work well with live action. 2. Crabs don't walk forward 3. Girl with broken English cannot re-learn English in a day or so of movie time. 4. Graphics again got in the way of action. 5. When beasts die, they should bleed. 6.Dialogue was extremely blahI kind of saw the end of the movie, and it was very predictable. Maybe these are good actors, but this was bad. Maybe the writing was bad. Maybe the actors are bad. Something just didn't work with this movie. I am going to rent the old Sinbad movies so that my mind does not get a negative view of Sinbad. Remember, don't watch this movie.

At first I was really excited to see this movie, reading the reviews and seeing clips of the movie. But I was really disappointed after seeing the movie. The performances by the actors are crap, the plot is too boring and not well written. the action scenes were awesome but they were absolutely short, each of them being about less than 5 minutes long! The beginning was stupid and so was the ending. Details for the monsters were not enough. Even when my aunt saw it both of us agreed that it was Z-grade movie. Don't waste your time watching this lame movie and go watch the stop-motion Ray Harryhausen Sinbad movies instead.

It's all very well to try and put this movie in perspective and say it was made on a very small budget, in a very short period of time, and say that it has humor in it and competent actors, but even with all of that, it is still poorly made. If you're going to put it in perspective, compare it to the work of Roger Corman. There was a film producer who knew how to turn out a piece of junk that was not merely bearable to watch but was actually entertaining. This film has flashes of entertainment but have you ever tried reading by a light bulb that only works intermittently? It gives you a headache. Speaking of Corman, one of the so-called moments of interest in this film was a reference to his 1957 "Attack of the Crab Monsters". In fact, there are so many references to other films in "7 Adventures" that I think that was the point of the movie. I think the film makers sat around a box of wine and said, "If we stick in enough references film aficionados will think we're clever." Well, I'm sorry to say, it doesn't work unless you come up to a certain standard of quality. It doesn't have to be a very high standard of quality, but it does have to have a narrative coherence, which "7 Adventures" does not.

Modern day parodies seem to be in demand these days. Nothing wrong with that, provided the screenwriters can come up with an imaginative and original story.However, there was nothing funny in this movie, or imaginative, or exciting. The different ways the producers tried to mimic Sinbad's adventures taken from the time honored fairy tale, or past movies, proved a mockery and charade in this one. I watched the preview clip on Youtube and read about Asylum, the company producing and marketing the film. I confess I was hopeful and thought better. After about 45 minutes of watching, I thought to myself: what a shame and a waste - in this day and age, you people must think we movie watchers are morons with mentalities of 2-year olds.Whose idea was it that Sinbad (in name only) is a company owner of oil tankers, one of which is hijacked by what seems some Black (Somalian?) pirates, and while on a rescue mission, said tanker is attacked and sunk by what looked like a gigantic crab? Then for no reason here our chopper crashes into the sea and we are marooned on an uncharted island with a handful of survivors from the ship, including (guess?) the pirate leader who has now become our ally? At the risk of writing a spoiler, I won't say more, but you can pretty much imagine the jamboree of hastily written and badly scripted plot lines, followed by some of the worst acting I've ever seen on the big screen. The cgi graphics were terrible. They must have gone on a shoestring budget to make these. Oh, and how do you fight off and kill a 20-foot cyclops intent on eating you with just a rope, which you somehow mysteriously seemed to come up with in your shipwrecked state? I'll leave you to guess that one without watching the movie. (What?) I'd watch this one if there was nothing else to do with my time, and I'm prepared to play brain-dead. Definitely one of the stupidest movies I've seen throughout the years.