Slaughterhouse (1987)

Never, and I mean, never in my life have I seen a movie like this that is so asinine and felt like it was made by a twelve year old. I cannot believe this "thing" was actually brought to Hollywood and somebody thought it would be a good movie. "Slaughterhouse" is, without question, the worst slasher movie in the history of slasher movies. Oh. My. Goodness. This film is beyond stupid and all logic is thrown out the window the second the main antagonist's son comes on screen. If there's a plot to this movie, it practically has one finger hanging off the edge of a cliff. Let's get into why "Slaughterhouse" fails in every way and manner possible and why it's not even trying to be a horror flick.The acting is the worst thing you will ever see on screen. The teenage actors, half the time, do not even attempt to put effort into their performances. Seriously, these kids do such a poor job in their roles and the characters are genuinely unlikable; However, the kids are the best actors, compared to Don Barrett as Lester Bacon. This guy overacts so badly, you just wanna reach into the screen and smack him across the face.Joe B. Barton as Buddy is equally as terrible. He looks like somebody the filmmakers just pulled off the street and the character gets annoying, really fast. I get he's supposed to be mentally disabled, but there are some points where the actor hams it out of the ballpark and overacts, as well.The writing is... What writing? Yeah, what writing? Like I said, if there's a plot to this movie, at all, it has a finger hanging off the edge of a cliff. The dialogue is absolutely some of the worst dialogue you will ever hear in a film. I'm gonna say it, Tommy Wiseau's "The Room" has a better screenplay than this. The dialogue these characters have to say isn't dialogue. A six year old could do a better job at writing a horror film.The kills are an absolute joke and the way they're executed is atrocious. Seriously, I have seen better blood and gore effects in "Deep Rising." I'm not kidding. There are times during this movie where the blood has the consistency of water and it looks so unrealistic. You want to see good blood and gore effects? Try seeing "An American Werewolf in London," for Pete's sake.I could name more problems with this movie, but those explanations are darn well enough to prove my point. "Slaughterhouse" is a pathetic excuse for a horror film that feels like it's not even trying. Its premise is virtually nonexistent, the actors don't put effort into their performances, the kills are incredibly lazy and this has one of the worst endings in all of cinema. Do yourself a favor and avoid this pile of pig manure. In fact, run, don't walk away from it and watch "Child's Play," instead. Now, that is a great slasher that knows what it's doing.

Slaughterhouse (1987) ** (out of 4) Lester Bacon (Don Barrett) owned a slaughterhouse, which was pretty much put out of business after he refused to move forward with the times. Now a former worker is trying to take his property so Lester decides to send his obese and mentally retarded son Buddy (Joe B. Barton) out for revenge.Writer-director Rick Roessler only made one film in his career and this here was it. SLAUGHTERHOUSE is your average slasher film that was way too common during this era. For the most part fans of the genre will probably be mildly entertained by the film but there's no question that it really doesn't feature anything fresh or original. The entire slaughterhouse stuff appears to have been influenced by THE Texas CHAIN SAW MASSACRE and the rest is your typical Friday THE 13TH stuff.There's really not too much plot here as those who harmed the owner, a bunch of cops, some teenagers and other find themselves at the old slaughterhouse where Buddy does them all in. The murder scenes are certainly the highlight of the picture and while none of them come close to the work of someone like Tom Savini, they're at least good enough for this type of low-budget movie. There's quite a bit of gore splashed around, which of course will please horror fans.Performances are pretty much what you'd expect from a film like this. They're really no better or worse than your average slasher. For the most part Barton is good in his role as the killer and he's at least entertaining enough. The biggest problem with the film is that the pacing is rather slow and the 85-minute running time really drags at spots. The fact that there's nothing original or fresh doesn't help matters either.

Lester Bacon (Don Barrett) and his grunting, meat-cleaver wielding son Buddy (Joe Barton) aren't very happy about the foreclosure of their abattoir and decide to use their slaughterhouse equipment and butchering skills to deal with the swine responsible. The meat-hooks become even more crowded with bodies after a group of teens visit the old meat-packing factory during a thunderstorm for a dare.With its all-pervading aura of death and decay and its hulking mentally challenged killer (mentored by his demented father), Slaughterhouse is clearly aiming for a Texas Chain Saw Massacre vibe, but at the same time it also caters for the audience of the day, delivering inane teenage characters, predictable jump scares, some reasonable splatter, a few pig-related puns (Lester is described as 'pig-headed' and calls his son 'hog-wild'), and a couple of typically cheesy '80s scenes in which the youngsters act all wild and wacky, their zany antics accompanied by a tacky pop/rock soundtrack.The result is a fun slice of stalk 'n' slash, a spirited blend of mean-spirited nastiness and tongue-in-cheek silliness that ticks all of the genre boxes with the notable exception of gratuitous female nudity. The suspenseful rain-drenched finalé is particularly well handled by one-time-only director Rick Roessler.

This bizarre B-movie oddity has a couple of things going for it. First of all there's the splatter, this movie really is pretty messed up. People get crushed, chopped up and grounded, all in a day's work. Then there's the Bacon (clever writing there) family itself, which reminds me a lot of "Texas Chain Saw Massacre". Sure, there are only two people in it, but those two are really awesome. Don Barrett is great as the insane father who's out for revenge and also tortures some random people on the side, and Joe B. Barton is actually pretty menacing as the son who does all the dirty work and for some reason makes pig noises. The people who play the teens aren't really any good, but if they were they would probably be in another movie. They're just there to get killed anyway, and they do a good job of that. Because this movie is really short the pace is pretty fast, and the bodies pile up quickly, which leads to a pretty inspired finale. The ending may be disappointing to some, and can probably be best explained by budget cuts, but really I kinda like it. It definitely makes this movie stand out from the others. "Slaughterhouse" is a lot better than what I gave it credit for.