Deadly Instincts (1997)

"Breeders" is a great example of a guilty pleasure.**SPOILERS**A meteorite crash-lands near a College University, and a piece is removed and taken for study. Art teacher Ashley Rowe, (Todd Jensen) and student Louise, (Samantha Janus) suspect something weird is involved with the fragment, and a murder on campus finally convinces them. After several more women disappear from the college, they begin to investigate the meteorite more. A police force arrives to deal with the story, and they all end up slaughtered. Police Chief Horace, (Nigel Harrison) trying to save face after the disaster, agrees with the two faculty members that an alien force is loose on campus and they have to work together to put a stop to it.The Good News: There are very few examples of a cheese-fest, but this one clearly falls into that category. Practically everything here is an example. From the constant nudity to the almost non-descriptive story to the setting, everything here has a feeling of cheese. There's some moments that are indicative of other styles creeping in. A long sequence where the alien stalks a group of policemen through a series of catacombs. It shows the main sign in the film where it doesn't try to be a cheesy film and aspires to something more serious. It has some suspense woven through, a couple of minor shocks when the creature comes roaring out to take a victim, and the combination makes it look a lot more like a horror film than a cult film. The creature itself is one of the best parts, with the appearance of a large imposing creature, with big claws, a huge mid-section and mean, imposing head with large fangs and rows of teeth. It makes for an impressive looking creature. And then there's the nudity, again, which is never a bad thing either.The Bad News: Any movie with this much cheese has some bad things with it. The biggest one to hurt this film is it's very slow pace. It doesn't seem like the kind of plot that should sustain a film as long as this one is, forcing a lot of scenes to carry out longer than they should and ruining the pace. It's not as tight as it should be, and at times, it meanders around for far too long than it should. There is also a lot of moments that are either written to the point of confusion or show what little thought was put into it. The college that only has about a dozen or so attendants. There's only one teacher on campus, and therefore one class being taught, and the entire subplot with the police are mere examples. There is some other small little outcries here and there, but they aren't as damaging to the film as the other ones are.The Final Verdict: Guilty of mainly being a cheese-fest, that doesn't mean it's all that bad. It's got a little bit of everything that makes it a little better than it should be. It's still got some problems, so take caution with it and it will be, at best, a guilty pleasure.Rated R: Graphic Language, Nudity, Graphic Violence, and attempted interspecies Rape

I decided to pick up this movie after seeing it on the bargain rack at a Best Buy, and while it didn't totally stink, it still made me want to kick myself for having bought it. The plot centers around an all-girls college campus in Massachusetts. An alien being has found its way to the school and begins to slaughter and hypnotize the female students. In my opinion, the school setting was picked just so that the filmmakers could throw in the "important" girls' locker room scene. The lead actor, Todd Jansen, seems familiar; I think I've seen him on a TV show or two. The female leads are atrocious and are basically just used as eye candy.

After a meteorite lands in "Boston" (really somewhere in the Isle of Man), a hideous, fanged alien monster is released and is on the loose in a local girl's school, causing mayhem and turning the students into zombie-like creatures. This film is apparently a loose (and I stress loose) remake of the 1986 film with the same name, as it features the same monster but a different plot. Both films are terrible, but to the credit of the 1986 version, it was watchable. This isn't. Let's start with all the problems—the acting, especially from the lead professor, was very, very bad. This film is supposed to take place in Boston (we know this because the film makers had the ingenious idea of putting "Boston police" or "Boston gas company" on everything), yet everyone seems to have rather muddled British accents (At least they didn't try using Boston accents, thank God). The script is a big flawed mess. The best example of how dumb the writing is when it's established that you can turn the zombie-students back into humans by removing a necklace containing a piece of the meteorite. Is that what our brave heroes do? No, they run around SHOOTING the zombie-students instead. Nice. Director Paul Matthews, who also wrote/directed the weak 1995 monster movie "Grim", clearly doesn't know how to pace his films. The movie is terribly boring in places. The lighting is awful. The film looks cheap and bland. One of the most disappointing aspects is the lack of notable gore. 99% of the death scenes involve the creature popping out of a dark corner and dragging someone away, while we hear they're "horrified" screams off in the distance. This convention never worked well in the past, and certainly doesn't work here. The visual effects were AWFUL. The CG opening sequence in space looked like it could have been created on Microsoft Slideshow for God's sake! The "explosion" of the Gas tanks at the end was just as awful. Okay, I like to consider myself a fair critic, so I'll give credit where credit's due--the creature effects were actually pretty cool. Gotta love those close-ups of slimy, drooling teeth!To sum the film up, "Breeders" is a terrible, cheaply made horror movie that should be avoided like the Ebola virus. Not recommended.1.5/10.

Dire beyond belief. Obviously set on the Isle of Man masquerading as the US - very badly - and full of cut-rate British actors who can't do American accents. A monster that looks like an unarticulated promotional cut-out for Alien from a movie store, with the most inflexible feet ever seen. Girls in the shower, undressing, catfighting, blah, blah, blah. You get the idea. Don't watch it, run away, hide, AVOID.