Transylmania (2009)

When i look for a fun film to watch i want some elements that keep me hooked for long for that the James Bond franchise did it very well that is another story i wont go into i am a huge bond fan seen all films.This is not even a horror film it is an insult to it honestly when it comes to spoof/parody genre there are plenty of films made better then this all you have to do is use search engine online besides that IMDb is full of it.Since late 90s a lot of comedy films came put that not only feature comedy the makers used to include some sex on purpose so everyone can have some good time even perverts and porn lovers and i do like some of them they created a balance that hardly any film brings nowadays.This 2009 release is a mess of a film that fails on all levels mainly providing entertainment to audience this was a sequel to some national lampoon series films that franchise sucks to be honest first of all there was no script for this film you can tell all those dialogs and nonsense these people were doing it was all on their own.The film was shot in Romania in a large castle that is the only best thing about this film a haunting location and some nice sets as for the cast the guys are forgettable but the ladies are hot specially Jennifer Lyons,Nicole Garza,Natalie Garza these two are twin sisters but what was Musseta Vander doing her she is a great actress she should never have sinned this film contract Musseta looks amazing in black costume doing stunts pretending to be batman.So when i payed money for the disc it was not my choice the DVD store guy was a friend of mine he gave that to me saying it is a good film the DVD comes with useless special features with boring trailers,the making,deleted scenes and outtakes it made me laugh that so much money was wasted by these producers on marketing instead of creating a good original story i keep wondering if all these deleted scenes were put back in the film it will still make it not worthy of time.The Plot:few students from America go to Romania these guys also make plans of having fun while studying but things go wrong as they stay in a large castle the horror begins when vampires starts to lurk everywhere.This film is not funny a bit there is no hot scenes either i am not asking for a soft core film but make me laugh please just like Chris tucker do that is comedy slap stick used to be fun but only legends like Charlie Chaplin or Rowan Atkinson do that these young idiots are nowhere close to them they redefined comedy,the people hated this film even so called critics who love bad movies will not give this a chance.I keep waiting when this will be over so i could do other things but not it goes from bad to worse the characters are awful and this small guy keeps popping up from nowhere and disappearing for no reason why the team of this film tried so hard to make it so serious when they knew they are making a spoof film each scene is extended to make you cringe if anyone remembers scary movie series the first 2 installments are the most hilarious ever those films are a fine example of how a comedy film should be.Overall Transylmania 2009 is one of the worst comedy film ever everyone should avoid it made my rating is 1/10.Skipp It

I saw a late evening showing of this movie, I was the ONLY one in the show. All the teenage girls were down watching the New Moon flick. I was entertained, the movie was actually BETTER than I expected, it really was like someone else said: Animal house goes to Romania(spelling) For those of you who HAVE actually seen the movie, I give it a 10 for eye candy. I'm amazed no one has mentioned this, maybe some of you teenagers need to quit playing with your cell phone long enough to actually watch the flick.I go to the movies nearly every week, sometimes I take a chance on an unknown movie. This was such a flick, I laughed several times during the movie....I'd even pay to see it again.

Those "National Lampoon Dorm Daze 2" dudes--co-directors David and Scott Hillenbrand--are at it again with this shallow, super-sucky supernatural spoof of bloodsucker sagas called "Transylmania" based on an abysmal script by Patrick Casey and Worm Miller. Unless you have been sniffing glue or inhaling lead-based paint, you may find it challenging to laugh at most of their ridiculous routines. Everything here qualifies as lowest common denominator humor with loads of bouncing breasts and butts to ogle in what amounts to high school skits on a big budget. Yes, you guessed it the regurgitated gags take swipes at women, repetitive puking, drugs, homosexuals, transsexuals, masturbation, bodily fluids, sheep testicles and severed heads. One really bottom of the barrel scraper gag includes a prank about Siegfried, Roy and a tiger puppet.Basically, ten concupiscent American college students take the ultimate road trip by plane and train to spend a semester abroad at Razvan University in the heart of vampire country in Romania. The best--if best is an appropriate adjective here--gag is a homage to the Mel Brooks' classic Young Frankenstein". On the way to Castle Razvan, the kids ride in a horse-drawn cart. Every time that anybody mentions the word Razvan, the horses fart, and Razvan is mentioned more than enough times for the horses to fart more than enough times. Of course, what comedy would be a comedy were it not for mistaken identities? Our loopy protagonist Rusty (Oren Skoog) has been carrying on an Internet romance with Razvan honey Draguta Floca (Irena H. Hoffman) and sees this as the perfect excuse to make it with her in person. Later, he discovers to his chagrin that Draguta has a hump on her back that he cannot see while on-line with her. Cue the bad jokes: his pals accuse him of wanting to 'hump her.' One slightly amusing gag occurs when Rusty moons Draguta on his web-cam and then gives her a glimpse of his manhood. Simultaneously, when he regales her with his member, two people surprise him and walk into his dorm room. The anxious Rusty slams his laptop shut on his penis.Accompanying Rusty to Romania are a couple of pot-smoking pals, Pete (Patrick Cavanaugh) and Wang (Paul H. Kim,) and they endure incredible agony greasing up their rectums to stash bags of marijuana and bongs so they smuggle them past customs. Two girls, party babe Danni (Nicole Garza) and her square twin sister Lia (Natalie Garza) as well as another couple Newmar (Tony Denman) and Lynne (Jennifier Lyons), join them Rusty, Pete, and Wang. Meanwhile, an ultra-sexy vampire huntress Teodora van Sloan (Musetta Vander) and a demented Frankenstein-style doctor Dean Floca (the dwarfish David Steinberg) are two of the more prominent members of the faculty, and they are both loony tunes.Naturally, no sooner does Rusty arrive than we learn that a vampire-on-the-loose, Count Rabu (Oren Skoog), is a dead ringer for him. Sure, if you can rip off "Young Frankenstein," then you can rip-off the Marx Brothers, so Rusty and Rabu do the famous mirror gag from "Duck Soup" before Rabu realizes that there is not only no mirror but also he would not be able to see himself if there was one! Of course, the black Spandex-clad Teodora wants to nail the Count to death with her cross-bow. The main plot has something to do with Count Rabu and three fangster femmes who are trying to resurrect his former lover whose soul has long been trapped in a music box. It seems that Teodora's ancestor was responsible for this turn of events. Poor Lynne has the misfortune to open the music box and have the spirit of the dead vampire enter her body. Another faintly amusing routine has Wang cavorting around with the severed head of a beauty queen and masquerading as the rest of her body. It seems the Dean Floca carved her up so he could transplant a smooth, shapely back on his deformed daughter. In other words, Cliff balances his head in front of his face and wears a cloak around the rest of his body. Things get complicated when his pal tries to feel her up and Cliff loses her head and it lands in a waste basket.Truly, this tasteless, brainless comedy deserved its R-rating.

Transylmania (1:35, R) — Other: Comedy, 3rd string, original, OSIT chauvinistsWhen you're shooting for stupidly outrageous, it's really, really easy to slip off the tracks and end up as outrageously stupid. That's what happened to the parody Stan Helsing, for example. And that was a movie that featured at least a few actors that you'd heard of before and a character who was supposed to be a descendant of Dracula's Abraham Van Helsing. Transylmania features nobody you've ever heard of before, and one of its characters is a descendant of vampire hunter Victor Van Sloan, equally unknown to history prior to today.Nonetheless, Transylmania works on its own terms. It follows 10 American college students, every one of them a flaming stereotype, as they arrive for a semester abroad in Romania, specifically Transylvania (where the movie was actually shot), explicitly at Razvan University, whose campus is in historic Castle Razvan, which 500 years ago was the home of famed vampire Count Radu. Rumor has it that the count is immortal, a hypothesis quickly confirmed as we find him roaming the corridors. Rusty, the student who opens the film as our narrator, is a dead ringer for the count, made more so when (by sheer coincidence) he dresses up for the freshman welcome ball in exactly the same outfit that Radu habitually wears.Also among the American students are a couple of stoner lads who discover their blue jeans are a local gold mine; twin sisters, Lia the goody-goody and Danni the try-anything good- time gal; Newmar, the inept football player; Lynne, the nymphomaniac airhead cheerleader who has the hots for him; and Cliff, the oaf who figures the way to impress women is by claiming to be a vampire hunter. He uses this line on Prof. Teodora Van Sloan (the aforementioned descendant of Victor), and she takes him with the same deadly seriousness with which she approaches vampire hunting in general. With lips, vocal tone, and swordplay, she evokes Catherine Zeta-Jones in Zorro.* (In the only college class we actually see on screen, she demos self-defense techniques involving decapitation and a stake thru the heart. In response to a question she says "Vampires? Don't be silly. Now let's talk about what to do if someone jumps at you from out of a coffin." The rest of the movie is much like this.)The mcguffin is a music box containing the soul of Radu's true love, the sorceress Stephanie, entrapped there by Victor. It was lost half a millennium ago but has recently been rediscovered. It falls into Lynne's hands. Every time she opens it, she's possessed by Stephanie; then, when it's closed, she reverts, wondering what happened.There's much more. Dean Floca, the dwarf with a dungeon. His dotter Draguta, totally babeulicious chatting with Rusty via videocam but sporting a hideous hunchback in real life. Better than the Kama Sutra, the Codex Eroticon, which "can blow a chick's mind". The machine that keeps disembodied heads alive. The tall, gawky student who once kissed another guy while drunk and can't live it down. The horses with the odd reaction to the word "Razvan". Much of this is throwaway stuff, but a lot of it actually advances the plot.Really, the story is way more complex that you'd ever expect for something played as broadly as this — and it's played VERY broadly — but it all hangs together. Not a millisecond of it can be taken even remotely seriously, of course, but the audience is all in on the joke, and the writers (Patrick Casey and Joshua "Worm" Miller) and directors (David and Scott Hillenbrand) make it work.Objectively, this is a terrible movie. But subjectively, I got a real bang out of it. Of course, I happen to be partial to breasts the size of canteloupes, of which there's an abundance, and that helped. And I kept laffing out loud because I kept thinking "Wow, are they really trying to be THAT outrageous? Yeah, I guess they are."So I give it a 5. This is higher than where I've pegged Fantastic Mr. Fox (3) and 2012 (4) and a coin-flip with that other vampire movie in town. Does that mean that I'd rather see Transylmania than those others? Yes. Yes, I would. Heaven help me, yes, I would. YMMV. No guarantees.––––––*I don't recall that Catherine ever went in for the tight-black-leather look, but from now on I'm not going to be able to get that image out of my head.