Saturday the 14th (1981)

Could not get past that girls scream! It's awful! Not funny, not scary just NOPE!

Real-life husband and wife Richard Benjamin (Catch-22 and the original Westworld) and Paula Prentiss (The Stepford Wives) play John and Mary, who have inherited his uncle's house in Eerie, PA. If that line made you laugh, then Saturday the 14th is for you.Along with their kids Debbie and Billie, they try and fix the house up. But they're opposed by Waldemar (Jeffrey Tambor, Arrested Development) and Yolanda, two vampires who want the book of evil within the house. Billy finds the book and with each turn of the page, he unleashes monster after monster into the house.Soon, the TV can only get The Twilight Zone, sandwiches, dishes and nosy neighbors all disappear and eyeballs show up in John's coffee cup. It's nothing out of the ordinary to our heroes, who seem blind to the supernatural going on all around them.Waldemar gets into the house as a bat, so they hire an exterminator (Severn Darden, Kolp from Conquest of the Planet of the Apes) who turns out to be Van Helsing.After a housewarming party where the monsters kill every guest, we learn that the vampires are the good guys and Van Helsing just wants the book so he can rule the world. The good guys - now who include the vamps - win and Jon and Mary get an upscale home while Waldemar and Yolanda settle into the cursed home.Director Howard R. Cohen also wrote The Unholy Rollers, Deathstalker and Barbarian Queen before choosing this as his first film. He also directed Space Raiders, Time Trackers and Saturday the 14th Strikes Back.Some trivia - every time you see Prentiss, look closely. She's hiding the cast on her arm, as she broke it before filming began.Also, this is Benjamin's last feature film as an actor, as he started directing with 1982's My Favorite Year.While sold as a parody of slasher films, this movie more accurately makes light of monster movies as a whole. If you're looking for other funnier horror films of a similar bent, I'd recommend Wacko, Pandemonium, Student Bodies or Class Reunion.I remember this movie running on HBO quite often in my youth. It's a pleasant enough diversion, almost an Airplane! version of horror or a Mad Magazine come to life. The monsters are way better than you'd think they'd be, too!

Saturday the 14th (1981) * 1/2 (out of 4) At a will reading daddy (Richard Benjamin) inherits a cursed old house but he avoids all the warnings and moves them into it and sure enough soon monsters and other creatures are running wild. A Dracula type character (Jeffrey Tambor) wants to buy the house but the family refuses and soon Van Helsing comes to their aid. I've always wondered how many people went to watch this movie at the theater or rented it expecting some sort of slasher rip-off of Friday THE 13TH. I know when I was young I was one and I remember turning the picture off after discovering it wasn't and I'm sure this film's horrid reputation comes from people such as myself watching it, expecting something different and then bashing the picture. Viewing it today I went in knowing what to expect and it turned out the thing really wasn't all that good even when you know it's just a kid's picture. This thing would end up being sandwiched between horror spoofs like YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN and THE MONSTER SQUAD and those two featured everything going right while this one here has mainly one failure after another. At just 76-minutes the film actually feels way too long and I think there are just way too many dry spots where nothing interesting is happening and there's certainly not enough laughs for a comedy. Another problem is that the film is all over the place in regards to its style, visual images and to be honest I'm really not sure what the film was trying to do. At times it references other more popular items like The Twilight Zone but at other times the film feels as if it's not trying to connect with the target audience. The performances are also quite mixed with Benjamin pretty much sleepwalking through his part. Tambor is really wasted as the Dracula character, which is a shame because he's quite funny and should have been given more to do. I did enjoy Kari Michaelsen who played the teenage daughter as she was quite charming and was certainly easy on the eyes. She also managed to be in one of the best scenes where she's taking a bath not knowing a creature is in there with her. The humor of the film avoiding nudity and how they did it was quite funny and it's too bad there weren't more scenes like this. There are few other funny moments including a few gags about "loud owls" but sadly the majority of the film is just a bust and have very limited appeal.

I tried streaming this recently, because I had loved it as a kid, but about fifteen minutes in when it stalled and the "buffering" bar showed up, I turned it off and moved along to something else. I doubt I'll go back and try to finish it. Love Richard Benjamin and Severn Darden, but not quite enough to sit through this film as an adult. I had forgotten that Jeffrey Tambor was in it; he was pretty good too from what I saw. A few good lines, most of them from Benjamin: "Mary, this ice is so... old." I don't discriminate against inexpensive films or films with poor special effects, just as long as I enjoy them, but this one just seemed dull. Fine for what it was back in the day; does not age well.