Tooth and Nail (2007)

Vinnie "Can't act my way out of a paper bag" Jones is in it! The kiss of death for any movie! Enough said!

There are always good things to say about even the worst films. In this case, I have to say that the lighting was very well done. The use of hot, cold and bleak greys, as well as the beautiful early morning shooting, probably added more to this film than any other film making aspect.Unfortunately, the film is fundamentally daft.Why wouldn't the genius professor just suggest a move to the country where you can grow food and find transport that's fueled by grass? Instead, in all his wisdom, he chooses to occupy an abandoned hospital where they can live the high life off about 2 months worth of Red Cross MREs while sending members of the group out into the factory district of the city to look for "something interesting". Uh, what?For that matter, wouldn't it be easier for the cannibals to take up farming, too? Sure beats the hell out of wandering aimlessly in the hope of bumping into other people when three quarters of the world's population has already expired.Of course, I'm being obtuse, because I can see what the writer/director (and editor) is trying to do. This is meant to be, as all great post-apocalyptic films are, a study of human nature and a sweeping social commentary. That really only works, though, if the literal story - narrative, character motivation, cause and effect - are able to suspend disbelief. In this case, disbelief is thoroughly without suspension.To make matters worse the film is tenaciously predictable. The twist involving Neon can be seen coming at least 30 minutes before it occurs, which entirely undermines those next 30 minutes of film. The action sequences play out in a routine fashion whilst also giving the impression that the director was making them up on the spot. The whole "drug the bodies" approach was so incredibly expected just because the tagging of the syringes earlier in the film was so blatant and awkward.The acting wasn't terrible. The dialogue was appalling but the actors did with it what they could. Michael Madsen and Vinnie Jones, in their brief screen time, managed to give their absolutely dire lines some life by hamming it up to ridiculous proportions. The shift back to the overly serious tones of their fellow cast mates, however, was uncomfortable. Still, with better dialogue and greater clarity of directorial vision the actors would have appeared much stronger. In short, it wasn't their fault.3 out of 10. 2 points for lighting. 1 point for acting.Oh, and I almost forgot to mention. Naming the characters after cars? Every time I heard a character's name I was pulled out of the film. That was just a stupid idea. Don't do that.

I'm astonished that some people are rating this movie a 9 or 10. It really just isn't that good. Sadly, it had all the tools to be successful, including an interesting premise, a wealth of experienced acting talent, a great filming location, and convincing effects (although this being 2008 you can't really give much credit for the latter anymore).Unfortunately, they still managed to screw it up. The villains' actions didn't make much sense, neither did the protagonists', for that matter. They consistently made really stupid decisions, presumably to create tension and a "stalking killers" feel, except the killers weren't scary. The "twist" was predictable and lame. Dialog was passable, but nothing to write home about. I did feel the actors all delivered the best performance they could with what they had, but there just wasn't much to work with.The script really needed a couple of critical rewrites before going into production, I actually laughed out loud at the cliché "dramatic face painting in preparation for war" scene near the end. The ending is frankly boring and unsatisfying. Instead of this movie, you could just watch Mad Max and Doomsday while completely hammered, then take the resulting mess of memories and remove anything entertaining or intriguing, it will be the same experience but far more fun.

A small community of young adults(..and a mute kid with roller skates)whose leader is a professor(Robert Carradine), living within the confines of a massive hospital in a major city after civilization has fallen apart due to the total absence of gas-fuel, fall prey to an ominous group of barbaric cannibals who collect a victim a night for their feast, led by the sound of a horn. This all starts when three from the group find a fallen young woman, Neon(Rachel Miner, of the previous year's "8 films to die for" feature, PENNY DREADFUL)who claims that the cannibals are called Rovers and slaughtered her whole family. Soon, the group fall one by one to these madmen, as their leader is the first to die, leaving them to fend for themselves with little hope of survival. Through this horrifying ordeal, one must strengthen the others as a leader or else they all perish.Actually, for a good portion of the film, it's quite intense and suspenseful because there seems like such little hope for these kids, without a head once he's removed(..the kind of leader who was quite smart with goal of starting over, competent in his abilities, whose weakness was trust which leaves him vulnerable)against such amoral brutes with a nasty visage and even nastier weaponry..they resemble extras from the second Mad Max film, THE ROAD WARRIOR. Vinnie Jones is a memorable heavy, with his evil smile, bulging eyes & whistling scythe as he spins it around ready for blood shed. Michael Madsen, who at first appears to be the leader of this group, has a minor role as the cannibal "Jackal" who whistles towards his quarry before using a two-sided ax to do his damage. Rider Strong(..who also appears in 2007's "8 films to die for" entry BORDERLAND)has a strong role as the aggressive Ford, the kind of character who thinks mostly of saving his own skin. He voices his opinion loudly often antagonizing instead of helping to solve their terrible situation. Michael Kelly(..as Viper, who leaves the group, tired of being bossed around by Carradine's professor. and is an awfully good shot with a crossbow), who many might know from the DAWN OF THE DEAD remake as the irritating mall security guard whose attitude towards the survivors was quite unkind, has a heroic role towards the end as the kind of tough character who everyone else quietly respected, despite his rather negative reactions to what the community was trying to accomplish. I'm not sure why Carradine(..who most identify from REVENGE OF THE NERDS)isn't used in horror more. I think he's a welcome presence, and I sure hated seeing him exit this so early. The one thing this film direly needed was an adult presence. The film has some ferocious attacks on the kids, which are slickly handled using the darkness of night(..and a camera which moves the right way to avoid seeing the initial stabs into flesh), to avoid real graphic displays of carnage. I think the best thing going for the film is the cold, dank darkness of the hospital setting, even creepier at night. The post-apocalyptic premise is touched on here and there(..mostly through dialogue)but the overall theme comes straight from HILLS HAVE EYES.But, I found the whole "wolf in sheep's clothing" twist absolutely ridiculous, and once we find out who is guiding this cannibal group, I couldn't take the film seriously anymore. And, Nicole DuPort's character Dakota, a soft-spoken, rather weak member of the group who was sleeping with the professor, putting her complete faith and life in his future plans, metamorphosing into a bloodthirsty savage with warrior paint, nearly had me laughing my ass off. And, to be honest, this whole method of executing the victims one at a time, using this specific time at night to hunt, had my eyes rolling. If you want to eat people, just f'n do it.