Bikini Spring Break (2012)

Add or or two starts if you are watching it late at night, changing channels while doing so, only watch a few decent segments (like the beginning locker room scene) or are drunk.This is not high art. It is boring in large doses. But, relatively painless in small doses and a few of the women are nice on the eyes as well as pleasant enough actresses. And, you have Robert Carradine who earns his paycheck while mostly retaining his dignity.A few reviews gave this a crummy rating. But, really, what does one expect of this sort of straight to um DVD / cable stuff? On a curve, I'd give it three stars.

Bikini Spring Break doesn't reach the atrocious depths that Celebrity Sex Tape and especially Sex Pot fell into. It is still a dire movie though, in fact none of the Asylum teen comedies are remotely good with Barely Legal being the least bad(and personal ranking for that movie was 3/10). The only things that stop Bikini Spring Break from being rated any lower are Robert Carradine, the best and only actor in the movie to reach decent level and the beauty of Rachel Alig. Other than that the acting is just awful, there is next to no knack for comic timing and like the other teen comedies from the Asylum the girls are hot but their acting talents certainly do not match. That's not all that bad in Bikini Spring Break. The characters are not interesting or likable in the slightest and are just plain obnoxious. The dialogue is the very meaning of crass and unfunny as well as unbelievably stupid. The story just isn't there and is little more than an excuse to string along tired comedy and nudity scenes, never does it seem to go anywhere. The direction also seems to be non-existent, it reads of just do what you think you can do best and we'll capture it on screen quality, and seems to be reliant on the actors rather than the dialogue. Seeing as the acting is bad, that was a failure. The production values look cheap, the scenery and lighting look over-saturated and plastic-looking, and the editing was clearly done by an amateur. The soundtrack and such is not particularly memorable and does very little in driving the movie, it just seems...there for the sake of having to be there. All in all, not the worst of the Asylum teen comedies but still dire. 2/10 Bethany Cox

I enjoyed this movie more than I can give credit here. I felt every one was very natural in acting, in body or scenes. This film gives a very realistic perspective of beauty vs some very out of ordinary people. All actors looked very real life and every thing was real life. Story was little bit shallow but so is the case in many good ones and depth of story is never a barometer of entertainment. Ending was sort of less dramatic which probably caused this to loose some votes but that happens. In real life I have seen people winning grand prize because there was no one to compete. I felt at home in every part of this movie. I am myself a movie making wannabe and this is very inspiring vs trying to make Transformers.

if you are a tax payer you better watch this to see what your money goes into. it is such a low budget production that only strippers could be afforded. it has no plot but more of a general direction for a road trip. i am pretty sure amateur porn stars make for better actors, and this is where your taxes/hard earned money ends up, community college film schools... have a nice day!ps. boobage is OK, but waste of my time