Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life (2005)

I can't even believe that a movie made in 2005 can feel so much like it came from 1999. The paranoia and utter Reefer Madness levels of insanity and incompetence are utterly baffling on too many ways to count. Cyber Seduction is a movie that FEELS like childless postmenopausal women who don't own a computer wrote it, and the pathetic attempts at "acting" ranges from desperate to just cringe- worthy...and this was before Lifetime started making cyberbullying movies and showing they don't even know what anyone under the age of 32 actually says or does. Like Rock: It's Your Decision, the film paints a total non-issue as THE WORST POSSIBLE THING A HUMAN BEING CAN POSSIBLY DO; he's, like, 15 and everyone treats him like a rapist for just looking at what amounts to soft-core porn. I'd say this is the perfect cannon-fodder for a Bad Movie Night but it takes itself too seriously for anyone to even try to make fun of it. If you actually have a brain, then I shouldn't have to tell you to stay away from this. I trust that you'll naturally have the necessary survival instincts not to even acknowledge this trite.

So my journey to writing this review has been long. Several months ago I walked in on my 14 y/o son and his best friend jerking off to porn. AWKWARD. I never limited my son's media access, we have cable, internet, and I figured if he wants to watch porn he'll find a way since he's the only one in the house who knows how to work that magic remote control, unlike me.So I started doing my Dad investigation on what is proper control and parenting wrt internet porn. In my teens it was Cinemax and HBO after 2am and my friends and I would stay up late to watch. I'm not a prude. Then I come across this flick.What garbage. If this is supposed to help parents with horny teenage boys, then it is a major fail.The whole writing is a mess. First of all you have your typical normal horny kid who discovers chat rooms and sites on the net. He watches them religiously in his bedroom, WITH THE DOOR OPEN. So one night Mom walks past his door, sees the Red Bull and she KNOWS what that means, and runs to her husband, wakes him up, and freaks out that he's looking at naked women on the net. She cries "Is that normal?". Oh god. I'm already losing my focus on this movie, because it is so out of normal human behavior.Then we begin the descent into the world of teenage porn addiction, or something like that. The boy is an all-state swimmer and right before a race, just to drive home the severity of his porn addiction, he's watching porn on his girlfriend's Iphone. I was a swimmer, and BELIEVE me, when I was a few minutes from getting up on the blocks in a tiny speedo in front of everyone, porn was the last thing on my mind. So unrealistic.Also, there are only two types of young women in this film: The Madonna and the Whore. No in between. No wonder this kid was struggling.This is just a terrible movie, and no parent should watch this for help. I loved Kelly Lynch doing a PSA at the end, this was the actress I fapped to as a 14 y/o in Blue Velvet who was naked the entire time.The message boards on this flick are hilarious. Speaking as a normal guy who looked at his fair share of naked women and men as a teen, porn is not BAD. I'd rather my kid fap four times a day, then become sexually active and get someone pregnant. He's now fifteen, and the number one rule of the house is: DO NOT GET A GIRL PREGNANT. It's the only rule, as far as I'm concerned, but I'm still stressing good grades and excellence in all other areas.Do not watch this as a concerned parent. It's only good for a RW chicken-little sky-is-falling dramatica. It could be humorous, except it wasn't the intention.

How can this movie have a 4 star rating???? I just happened to watch this movie on TV while trying to get my son to sleep...I must say it's the worst movie I have seen in ages....Internet Porn Kills!!! Was the message.....wow.... Is this movie made by any religious fanatics???? Be afraid... be very afraid....The young boy who finds porn on the internet (or at least some sites with girls in panties and shirts..) And then starts to mess up in school, mess up at home... and mess up his relationship with his dry girlfriend... And he start swimming worse in the swimersteam to!!! When his mom finds out you could swear that she just found out that her son has raped and killed about 100 people... based on the reaction... but its more worse than that!!! he has brought porn to there house!! and its just keep popping up!! i thought i would see some T:s and A:s in this movie... but there was NONE!!! so now i have to go pornsurfing to see it... And after that my life will be ruined and I will have to try to kill at least myself...

Not just a movie mind you, but one of the funnest "things" I've ever seen... And the other user comments and the discussion board only make it all the more gut busting funny... Guy is addicted to Internet Porn... and he lusts after his mother, his religious girlfriend, and a Senior Slut named Monica who has a sexy web site... ya ya ya voom.... And she even meets him at the soda shop and lets him touch her boobie, even though she has a bad ass boyfriend who kicks our hero's ass in the end after she bangs her head and blames it on him after he can't seal the deal with her. Then when the boyfriend goes to kick his ass she's all "no no baby..." Anybody else notice that Monica the slut was played by Nicole "Dicker"? I mean if there is such a thing, and what computer guy hasn't spent the long nights in front of the Internet, most Internet porn you're looking at stuff a long long way away, probably in another country, and this guy is lucky and actually has a willing slut not only in the same town, but the same HIGH SCHOOL!!! It would have been a much better movie if it would have been about Monica's Internet sex addiction, after all she's the one with a naughty website and not just looking at porn like our boy. I was actually hoping when she hit her head and that long line of blood spilled out that she'd die and that he'd get convicted for murdering her after becoming obsessed by her naughty website; would have made a much better movie than the self-baptism that occurs instead.And Kelly Lynch wasn't so self-righteous when she was getting it from Patrick Swazi in Road House and showing her naked "porn" body. And she goes ape over our boy's porn when his brother is playing GTA and she says nothing. Anyhow, this movie is still a great laugh if you're a slacker like me with nothing better to do.