Netherbeast Incorporated (2007)

Darrell Hammond is really, really good in this as a smooth talker, and much of it is KIND OF funny/quirky. It had a lot of potential, but this movie commits 3 cardinal sins. 1. They directly contradicted everything commonly known about vampires and they did it with impunity, in this smartassed matter-of-fact kind of way from a really annoying voice. It is possible to do this to an extent at the beginning to set the "rules" for the world. But continually sarcastically making fun of and contradicting the very fundamentals of vampire folklore is NOT ON. If common vampire rules are so "wrong" then maybe they should quit thinking of themselves as "vampires" to begin with, it's not what they call themselves. 2. What the hell is with this using Alexander Graham Bell? My perception of Bell will forever be tainted by this nonsense. Bell did not agree to his name and image being used like this, I think it's so unfair to do this to a deceased person. I rarely even like watching fictional depictions of real people like for instance Darwin, because I cannot trust the depiction of it, but this is just ridiculous. 3. They should have done all the narration and backstory at the start, not continually narrated throughout the whole thing and continually butchering your perception of vampires by pretending these were anything like vampires.

The first scene of this movie is the best scene, and as soon as it's over the movie falls flat on its face and never gets up. Darrell Hammond and Dave Foley are the only things worth watching in this movie, and they are given almost nothing to do. At some point, the producers should have realized what was going on, thrown out the script, and let Hammond and Foley improv their own movie. Whatever they'd have come up with would have been miles better than the nerdfest that this film is.What is the problem? Well, for one thing, this is one of those "vampire" stories where the writers think they have to cleverly re-invent the vampire mythos for the hundredth time. And in this case, their re-invention is not at all clever, and is so contrived that the movie has to be narrated, so they can endlessly explain their idea of how the vampire thing works. It takes a lot away from the flow of the film. You'd like to see the story unfold, but the idiotic protagonist has to keep interrupting with dumb little explanations, of dumb ideas, accompanied by cartoons and dumb 50's music.If you don't like narrated movies, or sci-fi nerd movies, you won't have any patience for this kind of thing.The story is lame and dull. Only Darrell Hammond and Dave Foley are worth watching, even though Foley is tragically underused yet again. Amy Davidson plays a temp who follows movie logic and immediately hits on the nerd protagonist, again a nerd movie trope. In reality, hot young temps don't come on to whatever shlub showed them around on their first day. She also has one of the most embarrassingly stupid scenes in recent movie memory, where she has a little monologue about how much ventriloquists turn her on. I can't respect any actress who wasn't smart enough to turn down a part like this.Steve Burns as the protagonist is just in the way. A Simon Pegg wannabe.

This fun satire gives us a look behind the closed doors of Berm-Tech Industries, a phone manufacturing corporation based in Arizona. What we find is an office of eclectic characters who are all "netherfolk", which should not be confused with "vampires". These netherfolk just want to live in peace, even though they admit they are dead and do need to eat human flesh and drink blood. No worries though because they have connections so they are always well- stocked.The story revolves around the manager, Turner Claymore, played wonderfully deadpan by SNL alum Darrell Hammond, who comes down with a form of netherfolk Alzheimers, known as the Retardations. This tragic disease causes him to forget that he and his fellow workers are all netherfolk. The movie starts with him staking co-worker Mike, when he "discovered" he was a vampire. Later he brings in a corporate productivity analyst, played by Judd Nelson, and also hires a human named Pearl, played by Phoenix-native hottie Amy Davidson, to take over Mike's position.The movie is told from the point of view of Otto Granberry, played by Steve Burns -- yes Steve of Blues Clues fame. I laughed when I caught a glimpse of the signature blue paw- print on his desk in one scene. I may have to watch it again to see if these were anywhere else. He and Pearl start a small office romance, which was full of awkward innocent goofiness.The plot, like the blood, thickens when other employees go missing as does the source of their unnatural power, the Netherstone. I won't try to explain this one. Not that it might spoil the plot, and not that it reeks of a Deus Ex Machina. It is a creative plot device and I'll just sound like I have the Retardations if I try to explain it. Speaking of exposition, there is a lot of it in the movie since the netherfolk are not really vampires. I thought it was fun and familiar, like the interjections of Douglas Adams' Hitch-hiker's Guide to The Galaxy, or like a typical corporate Powerpoint presentation.This clever comedy never stoops to camp nor shock to get laughs. There are some heavy- handed one-liners scattered throughout the film. Oh, and scrotum-engineering jokes. There's very little gore, and what is there is cartoonish in its subtlety. If I have any complaints it is that Dave Foley is underutilized as Henry, and Jason Mewes (snoogans!) is relegated almost to a cameo role as "Waxy" Dan Paraffin. The real cameo by Robert Wagner as President James Garfield is cute and ties everything up in a nice little bow.All in all this is a refreshing look at the vampires of corporate America. It makes me even more proud to know the producers, Dean and Brian Ronalds, are local brothers who filmed the whole movie in and around Phoenix. At the Q&A that followed the showing, they announced that the DVD will be released Dec. 9, 2008, and I will definitely pick this one up.

Most definitely the most hilarious Indie Comedy I've seen in quite awhile. The Ronalds Brothers have a very bright future ahead of them, but the future may be right now...Steve Burns, Amy Davidson, Judd Nelson, Dave Foley, Jason Mewes, Robert Wagner and Darrell Hammond all signed on for this picture. Big names and the brothers are moving on to their next project after this amazing first effort. I got to see their Arizona premiere at the Phoenix Film Festival, and I throughly enjoyed my time with Netherbeast Inc. What a great screening. Also during the Q&A I found the Ronalds Brothers so enjoyable.The back-story was complicated, but I thought it was some imaginative story telling with the whole power point presentation images. A group of office workers who just happen to be the walking undead, how can this not be funny? Steve Burns really does steal the show and his performance is flawless and Amy Davidson is just so darn cute in her role. They were the heart of the movie and they made the movie very, very enjoyable. Great job Ronalds Brothers I cannot wait to see your next project, PetRock. :) Also, Netherbeast has to be picked up for distribution. I cannot wait for the rest of you people to see this very funny film.