The Perfect House (2012)

This an anthology horror film about a sexy female realtor (Monique Parent, who appeared in countless softcore porn films in the 90's) showing a young couple house where all kinds of horrible things have happened. It's basically the same plot as Hammer's "The House that Dripped Blood" (and the John Ritter TV movie "Terror Tract"). The first story is the best. It's about a very messed-up family--the mother is mentally ill and off her meds, the father may be sleeping with the daughter, and the son has become murderously resentful. It all blows up when they're forced to seek shelter down in the basement during a storm (with a whole lot of knives). I've noticed that when they treat the subject of incest in movies, they're often so circumspect about it that they ironically don't make it nearly as ugly as it would be in real life. It also may be a little hypocritical here because they prominently display this alleged teen incest victim in her underwear (although I seriously doubt the actress is really young a teen). On the other hand, I did appreciate that the subject is treated with some ambiguity and subtlety because NOTHING ELSE in this movie is.I hate to describe the last two stories as sheer "torture porn" because I really don't like that term. Most people watch horror and porn for completely different reason. Still, the second story is pretty much just unrelenting sadism about a serial killer who tortures and murders victims of both sexes in his basement and has kept one woman alive to periodically sexually assault, but mostly watch him kill the others. This is hard to take very seriously because the acting isn't very believable and there's zero character development, but it did make me question why I was watching this in the first place. When torture goes on long enough, it isn't really "horror" anymore; the term "porn" is not really accurate because only a very disturbed person is going to get turned on by this, but there is something unpleasant and definitely not very fun about it.The third story, unfortunately, is more of the same except the victims are a whole family (with yet another teenage girl stripped to her underwear) being victimized by their crazy older neighbor. This segment has the only "name" actor in Felissa Rose, who played the transgendered killer in "Sleepaway Camp". I think anybody with a family will find this really hard to watch, and the ending is definitely harder to take than the second. But there is SOME black humor here because the neighbor is set off when the father forgets to return his weed-whacker! Still, it's less funny when he sets on the teen daughter for being scantily clad and promiscuous. I don't know what he has against the younger children. The movie shatters some cinematic taboos here, but it really does it just to do it.Overall though, I wouldn't describe this movie as offensive, and it certainly does succeed at being pretty grueling. But it is also pretty puerile, definitely pointless (any point it has usually ends up shoved in someone's eye), and just not a lot of fun.

A young couple check out a new house that turns out to have a dark and violent history. First story - A dysfunctional family holes up in the basement during a fierce storm. Gorgeously shot in black and white, this one has a frighteningly unstable mom from hell and a strong brooding atmosphere. Second yarn - Vicious serial killer John Doesy (robustly played with lip-smacking warped relish by Jonathan Tiersten) keeps his victims locked up in cages in the cellar. Tiersten's energetic acting as a blithe psycho who loves to torment his prey gives this segment an extra jarring sting. Third tale - A sick and sadistic stranger (a positively terrifying portrayal by Dustin Stevens) puts a family through a grueling and harrowing ordeal. Arguably the most brutal and upsetting segment of the bunch, this one delivers an especially savage kick to the gut mainly because of the startling way that it places kids in substantial jeopardy. Moreover, Felissa Rose of "Sleepaway Camp" fame impresses as the hapless mother.Directors Kris Hulbert and Randy Kent maintain a zippy pace throughout, keep the tone appropriately harsh and grim tone from start to finish, deliver oodles of hideously graphic gore, and further spruce things up with touches of wickedly amusing pitch-black humor. Moreover, it's Hulbert and Kent's bold willingness to push the limits of what's considered tasteful and acceptable which in turn provides an additional unsettling edginess; this is no-holds-barred horror that means serious ferocious business and goes right for the throat sans restraint or apology. The fact that everything shown in the movie is within the realm of horrific possibility rates as another significant scary and unnerving asset. Monique Parent's sizzling presence as a sexy real estate agent ensures that the wraparound segment totally hums. Kudos are also in order for Tal Lazar's sharp widescreen cinematography and Frederik Wiedmann's ominous bone-rattling score. A nice'n'nasty item.

"I'd go so far as to call The Perfect House one of the most pointless, soulless, ugly, and disgusting horror films of the past ten years...and that's precisely what these filmmakers are after." - Scott Weinberg, FEARnet Mr. Weinberg's comments are so dead-on, I just had to repeat them. I wished I'd read his review before I wasted $5 on this sub-amateurish torture-porn farce that's really only tolerable when it's making fun of itself, which unfortunately isn't often enough.The Perfect House is something like a car wreck: a film so poorly acted, so abominably shot and edited that most times you simply can't believe what you're seeing. It's hard to look away from because you can't imagine any filmmaker would expect this tripe to be taken seriously. And that's just the technical aspect.This is a cobbled-together home-made POS with not one shred of redeeming value as a horror film (or any film). These "filmmakers" are not movie lovers. It's doubtful whether they've even seen a movie or maybe are just incompetent at operating the $200 software package they obviously used to edit with (after they recorded it on their five-year-old Handycam). No, these people are hucksters pure and simple. They know they're pulling one over on you and worse, they want you to know it. Either that, or they are dumber than they obviously assume that you are.Here's a quick run-down of the film's "plot": It's an Anthology film (of course...since all the 'plots' are ludicrously flimsy and clichéd, unable to sustain a full length film certainly) about an "evil" house that drives ordinary people to commit murderous acts (weak attempts at the type of black humor horror done quite well in EC Comics stuff like "Creepshow"). Almost all the segments feature ridiculously hollow, hammy villains who mete out particularly vile tortures for no reason...to many children, no less. I guess they couldn't get away with torturing animals, thank god. There are few good "effects" --- most of the violence is done in cutaway or is blurred or sped-up to mask the VFX guys incompetence or the lack of budget. Speaking of budget, what ghetto did they film this supposed "dream house" in?Yes, TPH is gory, gross, and nauseating. Some of the best horror films are. What they are not, is puerile, shoddily made, and insulting. Sam Raimi's Evil Dead, this is not. It's not even fourth-rate swill like "Don't Look in the Basement" or a camp horror film that's a pleasure because it is so bad (the "Sleepaway Camp" films featuring Felissa Rose, who does scream well here). These guys might be able to daydream about being that good one day, but they'll probably just wind up watching these other films on cable.Just because a film has no money doesn't mean it has to suck. But that requires technique, good camera set-ups, and actors who actually are capable of and want to do a decent job. Oh yes, and a script whose lines aren't complete recycled garbage from bad '60s drive-in fare and actually reflect how people speak, with hints to their characters' motivations and back stories and....What's the point? If you agree that those things are important, run as fast as you can from this film. It is a dangerous piece of "art" --- simply because making it a success will no doubt egg on other charlatans to follow the money trail with yet another poorly made con job.

The Perfect House is not the gut wrenching, jump out of your skin horror movie that i like so much, but the plot is good, the acting is good (though a little cheesy at times), and i didn't get up for coffee or to check facebook once, it was engaging and really held my attention in a way that milder horror movies rarely do so it gets a 10 from me, and I'm really looking forward to the next movie in the franchisefour stories make up The Perfect House, three stories follow the houses gruesome history and previous owners, with a fourth story set in present day about a newlywed couple and a real estate agent touring the houselook out for the alternate ending on the DVD, its a good laugh