Jurassic City (2015)

JURASSIC CITY is another mindless Z-grade B-movie designed to cash in on the release of JURASSIC WORLD. I was surprised that it wasn't made by The Asylum or the Sy Fy Channel. The story is preposterous and involves a secret military experiment that releases a horde of ravenous velociraptors into a prison currently inhabited by a bunch of bimbo characters and the usual one tough good guy. A number of characters are munched in bad CGI effect scenes while old-timers Ray Wise and Vernon Wells are there to run around in an attempt to convince you that a proper story is present. Protagonist Kevin Gage delivers the most laid back performance ever, never showing a trace of emotion even when confronting his own seeming death.

You have to give it one star if you don't have the strength to loose a chunk of your life torturing yourself for the full feature. However it generously delivers all it's low- expectations from the beginning enabling you to do something more useful like sort out your fridge or organise your toilet paper by different weights. The following is due to the fact that IMDb requires you to submit a minimum 10 lines, sorry in advance. 19 mins in there is some clichéd girl on girl action in a prison. The title sequence isn't bad, it matches the red of the tight short dress that the dark haired girl wears. There's a decent ironic analogy of Freud's structural model of the pschye captured through Altmanesque segues, actually there isn't I'm just fluffing out the 10 line minimum. Oh there are lingering shots of a woman's behind as she gets into a Jacuzzi. Sorry what was I reviewing again? It's already left my mind.

It is just wrong. CGI is cheap, monsters/blood/explosions don't connect to the set, to the lights; editing is awkward, sometimes a kill is full frontal, gory details and all, and sometimes it happens off-screen; story is as thin as you probably guessed, lines vary from utilitarian to abscond, with maybe an attempt at making it into genre sub-culture but unconvincingly so.And light/camera work is terrible: if you where willing to actually see the faces, the expressions of the people at work in front of you during one of those "let me explain myself" scene, you are out of luck one time out of two - which is, in these times of all-digital processing, kind of a shame.And it is full of mistakes, big and small, that you'll surely find a list of on this fine website if only people can be coerced to report on them.I hope the people who worked that film had fun, where getting paid and all that, and legitimately didn't hold too much hopes for the success of that thing.As much as I enjoyed Attack the Block, Pacific Rim or Independence Day or other stuff that people should obviously watch without taking it the least bit seriously, well, we are seriously into Anaconda III or various alligator/saurian Terribly Bad CGI siblings territory here; this is definitely no Snakes On A Plane.

This is among the worst films I've ever seen. And I don't mean so bad it's funny. Because it's not even funny. It's just plain bad.I don't even know what's the worst part of it. The "acting", the horrible CGI, the total lack of continuity, the awful script, the talentless directing or the fact that nothing made any sense what-so-ever! And when you react to nothing making sense in a film like this, that says quite a lot. In fact, it was so bad that I decided to take the time to write this review just to save others the time it takes to see it.Not funny, not scary, not cool, not entertaining. Just... Bad. Do NOT waste your time with this garbage. Watch a funny kind of bad film instead.