Vampires on Bikini Beach (1988)

Well, there were vampires and there were plenty of bikinis, so I suppose the film did deliver what the title promised. If you are not into 80s nostalgia, you'll find this tale of teenagers finding a "Book of the Dead" and uncovering a vampire cult ridiculous and unwatchable. The film did capture the vibe of the 1980s pretty well, with tons of 80s hair, music, fashion, and, as you'd expect, bikinis, so I did enjoy the film for nostalgia value and that's really the only reason to watch. Overall, as a proud member of gen-x, the retro nostalgia was enough to hold my interest in this amateurishly made low budget horror/comedy, but certainly do not go into this film expecting "The Lost Boys."

First off, I don't know what film "Brandon Sites" is talking about, but it's not this one because there's no supermodel T&A or even regular gal T&A (ok, maybe one brief "A" shot) anywhere to be found in this movie...that would at least make this somewhat redeemable.Instead, this is a done on the cheap effort, with lots of master-shots and actors who were probably attending those kind of acting classes that met in vacant storefronts at strip-malls. The film tries to be a slightly-comedic horror beach-blanket-teen flick, but managing to blend all those genres' together successfully is far beyond the talents on display here. This particular kind of comedy melding teen humor and horror wouldn't be perfected and come to fruition for another decade or so, until Buffy The Vampire Slayer (the TV series) finally figured out how to make it work without causing unintended laughter and cringe-worthiness.About the only positive thing I can say about this is it does have a few nice beach scenes, if that's what you're looking for. Also, it has some really atrocious 80's pastel clothing and big hairstyles on display, so that's worth a few guffaws right there. But if it's horror, comedy, or anything else (like decent T&A) you're after, you'll be sorely disappointed. I usually say any film is deserving of a release on DVD, but in this case I'll make an exception and say don't waste a disc on this.

...the worst movie I've ever seen.It's not even mock-worthy.The bad music, bad sound, bad singing, bad dubbing, bad acting, bad storyline, bad sets, embarrassingly bad dialogue...who ever thought this should be made? I've always been a connoisseur of bad movies (Caged Fury, Vampire Lovers), and I thought this would be good for laughs. As we watched it, my husband leaned over and said - for the first time after eight years of watching bad movies with me - that I owed him big for this one. This is the first comment I've ever posted on IMDb, and I am doing it specifically to warn people not to waste their time. There are dozens of fun B movies that are a blast if seen with the right people - this is not one of them.

This movie is recommended only for those who feel they MUST see every vampire movie ever made. I've seen a lot of comments on this website to the effect that "(such and such) is the worst movie I've ever seen." In that case, the reviewer has obviously not seen THIS MOVIE. It's totally bottom of the barrel in terms of plot, direction, acting, and utter lack of scariness or suspense.The plot, such as it is, involves a vampire cult in Venice, California, led by some vampire in a cheesy rubber mask and another vampire given to making long-winded and boring speeches. They are assisted by various other vampires in cheap-looking robes, a human servant, and assorted biker-type humans. The long-winded vampire wants to find his true love so that she can drive a stake through his heart (!), while his rubber-faced second-in-command wants to rule the world through an army of the undead brought to life by the "Book of the Dead." The book falls into the hands of this surfer dude and his bimbo girlfriend, who show it to a priest recommended by the local bookseller. Before the priest has time to completely decipher the book and learn its meaning, he is murdered by one of the black-robed guys. Instead of calling the police, surfer dude and girlfriend decide to get back the book themselves so that their friend Weird Harold (who apparently is a computer whiz along with being a musician and surfer) can complete the deciphering with the help of a partial translation that the priest left behind. Or something like that.In any event, surfer dude and girlfriend are captured by the vampires who for some reason don't kill them like they've done to everyone else in the movie. Probably because they're the "stars." By means that must be seen to be believed, they get away from the vampires, alert Harold, his girlfriend, and two other bimbos. Then they go back to the vampires' secret hideaway one or two more times, get captured, escape, get re-captured, and finally kill all the vampires and associates with the help of this other black-robed dude whom they conjure up with the "Book of the Dead." Although I've added a "spoiler alert" in order to avoid being added to the blacklist, there is really nothing here to spoil. The characters, good guys and bad guys alike, are all so completely uninteresting that their fates are of no concern to us. The movie is NOT redeemed in any way by the T&A, of which there is precious little in the possibly bowdlerized version that I watched. In fact, the entire bikini beach motif disappears about halfway through the movie, the remainder of which takes place indoors, primarily in the vampires' secret lair (which is shrouded in smoke so that it doesn't look so much like it was shot in someone's basement).I've seen a lot of cheap-looking horror movies, but I don't remember one quite as cheap or amateurish as this one. It was originally shown on the USA network's "Up All Nite" and has recently re-surfaced in the "on demand" section of our local cable network. Not recommended.