Angels' Brigade (1979)

One of the dumbest 'action' movies ever made. All all female crew (which I have no problem with), most of whom lack any vestige of intelligence are sent on a mission. Basically this is just an eye candy movie as none of these women even breaks a nail! Maybe worth one view.... maybe.

Seven fetching young ladies form a special squad so they can wage war on dope pushers. Of course, the gals incur the wrath of ruthless local drug kingpin Burke (neatly played with slimy élan by Peter Lawford). Director Greydon Clark, who also co-wrote the derivative, yet serviceable script with Alvin L. Fast, relates the entertainingly silly story at a zippy pace, maintains an engaging breezy'n'easy lighthearted tone throughout, milks plenty of amusing goofy humor from the delightfully campy "Charlie's Angels"-type premise, and stages the explosive action set pieces with gusto to spare. Singer Susan Kiger, endearingly ditsy school teacher Jacqueline Cole, feisty stunt woman Sylvia Anderson, petite karate expert Lieu Chinh, spunky teen Liza Greer, tough cop Robin Greer, and foxy model Noela Velasco are all quite sexy, vibrant, and appealing as the titular dynamic heroines. Moreover, the lively acting from a bang-up cast of dependable veterans keeps things humming: Jack Palance as smooth hit-man Mike Farrell, Neville Brand as cranky police chief Miller, Jim Backus as bumbling right-wing fanatic Commander Lindsey March, Alan Hale Jr. as jolly manager Manny, Pat Buttram as an amiable car salesman, and Arthur Godfrey as himself. In addition, Clark movie regular Darby Hinton has a funny secondary part as wormy drug dealer Sticks. Dean Cundey's slick cinematography boasts all kinds of snazzy stylistic flourishes and provides a pleasing sunny look. Both Gerald Lee's funky-throbbing score and the bouncy soundtrack hit the get-down groovy spot. An immensely fun flick.

I am not a so bad its good fan. I have never been big on the whole ironic viewing experience. Even with mediocre films that I enjoyed there was something I honestly liked about them. But now I am torn because other then the women I can't think of a reason to like this film and yet I did. Does that mean I am shallow, quite possibly. Does it mean I just like staring at cleavage, can't argue with that. But usually it takes a lot more then eye candy to get me to like a film but there is something about this one that gets me.The plot is simple, street pusher (Darby Hinton) sells drugs to children and no one can stop him except of course the seven from heaven. A school teacher, a vegas lounge singer, a martial arts instructor, a model, a stunt woman, a cop and a high school student all join forces to bring down the drugdealer's boss, the kingpin Peter Lawford who along with his right hand man Jack Palance seems to have cornered the primary school drug racket. The women are all gorgeous with special mention going to Playboy playmate and H.O.T.S star Susan Kiger as the singer. If you can keep your eyes from drifting lower during her sequences you are a far better man than I am.The film gets more bizarre as it goes along as these Magnificent Seven (or actually 14 if you consider how they are costumed) seem to bring down the bad guys with relative ease. This film was clearly aimed at young kids so no one ever poses any real threat to them. When one of the ladies are captured they only dump her in a pool tied to a tea set. Director Greydon Clark (a favorite of mine) helps keep everything moving at a fast clip and the actresses are all quite likable which makes it a big improvement over his previous film Satan's Cheerleaders.If you are nervous about watching this film pick up the MST3K version. The movie is shortened so it is even faster paced and their humour helps it through some slow patches. But if you have only seen that version you should keep your eyes out for the original on VHS. You will be surprised at just how watchable it is.

An extended jiggle-fest made watchable only through the gracious lens of "Mystery Science Theatre 3000", "Angels' Bridage" (aka "Angels' Revenge") is a truly embarrassing rip-off of "Charlie's Angels" seemingly written and directed by hormone-crazed 16-year-old boys and starring an overwhelming number of has-been B-movie character actors.The plot, as much as there is one, involves a quasi-feminist schoolteacher trying to take out a drug ring that pushes to kids. She enlists the aid of six stereotypes...er, I mean characters: a sassy black stunt driver, an Asian martial artist (of course), a disco singer, an oversexed model, a tough cop that loves her weaponry, and a bratty, annoying teenager who happens to be one of the teacher's students. This movie is filled with things that will either make you laugh, cringe, or simply scratch your head, depending on your tolerance for horrid cinema. There's the Vietnamese character with the Japanese name. The singer whose record is "still climbing" up the charts but is still recognized by every character in the film. The "top model" who does her fashion shoots in a mall parking lot. Jim Backus in thigh-high military boots. A genital-mutilation-as-interrogation scene played for laughs. A squad of bouncy women who paint their nails and wear spiked heels on a commando raid. And don't forget the score, which rips off all sorts of recognizable music, from the theme to "Charlie's Angels" to John Williams' opening music for "Jaws" to Strauss' "Thus Spake Zarathustra" (also known as the music from "2001: A Space Odyssey").See what Aaron Spelling hath wrought? 1 out of 10.