Casablanca Express (1989)

CASABLANCA EXPRESS is a last-ditch Italian WW2 film, actually shot in Casablanca in part and set on a train for much of the running time. It comes to us courtesy of Sergio Martino, a man who has created films like THE CASE OF THE SCORPION'S TAIL and MOUNTAIN OF THE CANNIBAL GOD throughout a lengthy career, though it's undoubtedly one of his lesser efforts.The story is about Winston Churchill embarking on a train journey and the attempts by the Nazis to have him assassinated en route. Thankfully, the powers that be employ some top counter-agents to fight off the threat, and the stage is set for plentiful action. What a pity, then, that the film turns out to be so cheap, shoddy and inept, fumbling what should be suspenseful action sequences and generally proving to be less than enthralling.CASABLANCA EXPRESS boasts not one but two offspring of famous movie stars; Jason Connery, son of Sean, is the wooden lead, while Francesco Quinn, son of Anthony, supports him. A trio of famous names - Jean Sorel, Donald Pleasence, and Glenn Ford - feature heavily on the cast list and advertising, but are largely limited to those 'sitting around talking' type roles that are included for tokenism. There's a nice little role for STAGE FRIGHT's David Brandon, though. This film also features the worst Chuchill lookalike after ever.If CASABLANCA EXPRESS had featured halfway decent action and suspense scenes it might have been good, but it all feels quite inept. There isn't a great deal of realism here, a lot of the acting is over the top, and the shoot-outs and explosions do look very staged.

I can only guess some of these actors were looking for paychecks and they are the only ones who profit from this. Nothing is good ; the camera-work is poor, the script is poor, there is no closed captions, and the sound really sucks. you can almost see 20 foot booms with mics dangling from them, instead of mics on the actors. Alright, the scenery is OK. And this is proof that just because you have actors as parents doesn't mean you get any talent from the genes. This was one of the last movies for Glenn Ford, an iconic actor from the 40's and 50's. Even Donald Pleasence is in this, the same year he shot Halloween 5. Some of the chase scenes were overly long and not necessary to the story. Unnecessary nudity and "love scenes" used as filler.

...but I'll try anyway.I got this movie in a package containing a dozen WW2 movies and documentaries, all for about $14.99. While the packaging didn't advertise the fact, I am convinced it was originally marketed as The World's Worst WW2 Movies - while this may be the worst of the lot, it isn't by much.The actor playing Winston Churchill looks so unlike him that in closeups they only show his hand holding a cigar - the voice is close enough that, combined with the cigar, you can figure out who it is supposed to be, though. And for shots from farther away, the actor is never shown head-on; only in profile or looking away at an angle.The plot makes absolutely no sense, and how Glenn Ford and Donald Pleasence got roped into taking part in this travesty is beyond me.The only decent part of the movie is.........wait - I apologize. There IS no decent part of this movie. If you paid even a penny to see this movie, you got robbed! And if you saw it for free - you're within your rights to ask for your 90 minutes back.

Yeah, like the other reviewers write, this is one lousy movie. Featuring big star children Jason Connery and Francesco Quinn, it's hard to imagine being able to take a promising premise (Churchill taken by the Germans on a train) and turn it into absolute garbage. The only acting worse than Jason Connery's was Francesco Quinn's. Man, they are lousy. Even known actors don't fare well. Glenn Ford and Donald Pleasance seem old, tired and disinterested. French actor Jean Sorel looks bemused throughout, and the whole thing is lifeless and oh-so-boring. I could forgive the mass historical and military inaccuracies if it was entertaining, but it doesn't (IMO) even rise to the 'so bad it's good' level. It's just bad. Oh, I did state that there was about 30 seconds of film that was worthwhile. That would be the scenes early in the film where Jinny Steffan, who's kinda hot, is showing her boobs :)