Dragonquest (2009)

This "Lord of the rings" rip-off by mockbuster master The Asylum is a lot better than it deserves to be.Daniel Bonjour, obviously cast because he looks a lot like Frodo, plays Arkadi, a youthful adventurer who must collect a number of jewels which, when placed into an amulet that looks like it was bought at Claire's Boutique for $10.95, will for unexplained reasons give him the power to save the world from the evil of a wizard named Kirill, played by Not Ron Perlman.He's aided in his quest by two warriors: Katya, whose porn star makeup and lip gloss perfectly match her porn star acting talents, and Maxim, played by ungracefully aging Marc "Beastmaster" Singer, whom the director unwisely required to act like the child of an unholy union between Yoda and Popeye.Between the opening scenes of Not Frodo peeping at a hottie villager taking her clothes off for no good reason (Note: you don't even get a peek; don't even bother pausing or backtracking the DVD like I did) and the anticlimactic final battle between Not Frodo and Not Ron Perlman, there's in fact a charming little fantasy story going on, with some pretty location shooting and nice b-roll over mountain vistas and lush forests.The dragons are actually pretty neat looking, even though all they really do is fly around and shake their heads back and forth.All in all, "Dragonquest" comes off as a bunch of renfaire friends who got together and made their own fantasy movie, with some bargain basement CGI spliced in. On that level, it's a pleasant enough bit of fun.Don't pay full price for it; that would just be foolish. But I've seen it on Amazon for about three bucks new, paired on the same DVD with the equally workmanlike Asylum effort "Merlin: War of the Dragons." That's how to buy your bad movies, folks. Get 'em cheap, watch 'em once, sell 'em for a profit at your next garage sale."Dragonquest" isn't worth anything more than that, and doesn't aspire to be.

My reviews always contain spoilers, I just can't seem to avoid them. So if you don't want to know about the most dumbest things that happened in this movie, I would suggest reading someone else's review. I'm sure that they will all say the same thing. First of all, I'm really glad that I didn't pay to see this movie because it would have been a complete waste of my money. I wouldn't say that it wasted 1,5 hours of my life because I got a few great laughs!The beginning starts and there's immediate drama about how Arkadi isn't ready for his "quest". 5 minutes later he is the only one that can save mankind and he goes out on this so called "quest". The whole thing surrounds 6(?) stones that Arkadi has to look for and collect to be able to gain power after his dead grandfather, who was an old keeper of harmony, told him that he was the "keeper". Arkadi then locates an old warrior who helps him, but then the old guy dies at the end. But not before finding a pretty girl to accompany him on his quest. (Anyone seen Dragonball Evolution? Yeeaah...). The dragon looked a little good for a while there, but then it started flying... Who ever made the special effects clearly had no idea what he/she was doing. The fight scenes took the price! 2 huge armies (of 10 people) battle, the king dies and everything goes still. The entire war just stops and the king's servants do the epic "Nooooooooooo!"Basically, this is what Lord of the Rings would have looked like if they would have had the budget of a 10yearold's allowance. One positive thing is that Dragonquest had that one thing that Lord of the Rings didn't. A pretty female warrior. The negative thing... she was a Mini-Xena in a tube top and hot-pants...And what really bothered me was that Arkadi kept sounding British and then not British. His accent kept popping up all the time and then it disappeared again. All in all, the story was kinda good. I just wish it was made better 'cause then it would have been a good movie.But if you feel like watching a girl in hot-pants swing around a pair of sticks and a plastic sword... then please, watch it!

Marc Singer, hero of the legendary movie Beastmaster, is back with more of the same. The only difference is that this movie appeared to be made 20 something years before the Beastmaster instead of 20 something years after.I react the same negative way as many others reacted, but maybe I have some alternate views. Maybe I think that the actors and the writers were paid for the amount of words that were used. Almost none, so sticking to a low budget must not have been a problem. There were a couple of facial expressions though, as thoughtful as from a b-rated soap opera. For sure nothing was spent on special effects on neither dragons nor quests, so I guess it all went to the outfits or to the appearance of the characters. A few rags here and there, a few piles of mud to roll into before playing your part, that must have been expensive.Was there a lack of character development? I think they rather developed really well from single cell organisms to two-footed Neanderthals.Of course, if all else fails, you have naked women and fierce fights. Wait, they didn't have naked women (almost though, in the beginning, but that should have been warning that it wasn't going to happen). And they didn't have fierce fights. Well, nothing that my dead grandfather couldn't have won. You should enjoy the abilities of the army (I mean the five soldiers) during the final fight.A negative experience, for sure. I'm sorry for anyone who spent money on this. My advice, take your copy of Beastmaster from under the dust.

I watched this movie immediately after the Merlin Dragon Wars movie and I wanted to hang myself. The worst part is the story, very cliché: farm boy is destined to be a dragon slaying hero. Some of the main characters don't even have names, the boys grandfather is called grandfather by everyone, the guy with the white beard is the worst actor in the film, I wanted to kill him myself, and was stoked when the shifty looking dragon roasted him. They also cast some stripper who is super tough I guess, and apparently everyone in the world knows "grandfather" as if he is the only one in the world. A complete stranger asks the main character "who sent you?" and all he says is "Gandfather.". WTF? The cast and their acting is HORRIBLE. The first battle was like something you would see in a 40's or 50's film The CG is the worst. The dragons look like plastic models superimposed in the film and they couldn't even generate decent looking fire. There s one scene in particular where the boy is running away from his burning village and the flames aren't real and the attempt at CG fire is BAD. I really wanted to choke whoever made this film DO NOT WATCH. This is by far one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I can't believe those shorty actors and directors get paid for that crap. Would give negative stars if possible.Other movies/stories this one stole fromLOTR, Sword of Truth and countless others