Double Agent 73 (1974)

"Double Agent 73" is an amateurish and inept movie, yet there is an honesty about its amateurishness and ineptness: you get the feeling that the people involved didn't want to cheat you, they really did try to make an espionage / action movie, they just lacked the talent and budget required. Sure, you could complain all day long about the pointlessly long shots of, say, horse-racing, or the sped-up "car chase", or the lack of logic in the story, but you also have to give credit to the film's creativity: it's not every day you can see a punch with the breast replacing the fist, or death via ice cubes stuffed into the victim's mouth! Chesty Morgan gives a somewhat catatonic performance (she's no worse than anyone else in the cast, mind you), and there can be little argument that her breasts are unerotic (bigger is not always better), however she does have a pretty face and nice legs. (*1/2)

This is the "Queen of Exploitation", Doris Wishman's hilariously inept follow-up to her previous collaboration with the obscenely endowed Chesty Morgan ("Deadly Weapons"). Yes, she of the 73-inch breasts returns to the silver screen in this astonishingly cheap pseudo-sequel which is even more outrageous than it's predecessor. Here Chesty plays super agent Jane Tenay who is tailing a string of heroin pushers. A camera is planted in her bosom and she is instructed to photograph everyone that she eliminates, which she accomplishes by squeezing her mammoth mammories! Chock full of the typical Doris Wishman "trademarks" (close-ups of inanimate objects such as an ashtray, feet, or usually Chesty's massive cleavage) this flick was sampled in the John Waters comedy classic "Serial Mom"...it must be seen to be believed!

Please don't pay too much attention too the extremely low 1/10 rating, as "Double Agent 73" is nevertheless recommended in a very culty kind of way, but I simply can't bring myself to donate a positive number to such an utter piece of amateurish trash! This isn't really a movie; this is a weird homage to two enormous and hideous bags of fat that are supposed to look like breasts. I can't possibly imagine that there are men (or women?) out there that get aroused by gigantic cup sizes like this, but this film as well as its predecessor "Deadly Weapons" was a modest cult-hit in the bizarre sexploitation-circuit of the early 1970's. Chesty Morgan is the worst excuse for an actress ever, but her breasts are like smörgåsbords for weirdies and she doesn't mind walking around with them exposed. She's supposed to be a brilliant undercover spy, assigned to clean up a network of low-quality heroine dealers. With a hi-tech camera implanted in her boobs (!), Chesty sleazes her way through the horny bad guys. This is quite an exceptional piece of distasteful cinema. Whatever is said or done, the camera ALWAYS zooms in on Chesty's chest (although the nipples are located somewhere in her waist-area)! It feels like director Doris Wishman, or any of the producers involved, don't even want you to care about the plot. The incompetence of this film is hilarious. Not only Chesty's acting is embarrassing, but also the rough editing, the dialogs and the handful of gory killings. I suppose this counts as one of those movies you have to see in order to believe, but if you don't have a particular weakness for low-grade cult, I'd say skip it.

Expect to be entertained by the ridiculous story, bad acting and HORRENDOUS costumes. Chesty gets caught in a web of intrigue and spy-jinks that require her to put her giant assets to work fighting crime. This movie will be enjoyed to its full extent by getting a group of your craziest friends together to laugh and give a running commentary on it.