Kiss Me Monster (1969)

RELEASED IN 1969 and written & directed by Jesús Franco, "Kiss Me, Monster" stars Janine Reynaud (Diana) & Rosanna Yanni (Regina) as detective duo The Red Lips who seek the missing Doctor Beltran who has concocted a formula for super-human clones with the mental capacity of canines. Key informants keep winding up dead so the girls go undercover as a nightclub act on an island off the coast of Spain where they charm the mogul, Eric Vicas (Adrian Hoven), whom they suspect has something to do with the killings and the missing doctor. Quickie filmmaker Franco released 7 movies in 1969, including this one, which was shot in 24 days in August/September, 1967. It's the second of a duology featuring the detective pair; the first being "Sadist Erotica," which was released earlier in the year. Being thrown together so quickly, the plot is virtually incomprehensible unless you're aware of it up front (as described above). Another problem is the lousy dubbing, which (1.) doesn't fit the lips of the characters and (2.) isn't congruent in tone with what's happening on screen.But, if you can get past those flaws, there are several things to enjoy in this spy parody/adventure, which comes across as a melding of late 60's flicks like Raquel Welch's "Fathom" (1967) and "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" (1970), but worse than both due to the issues noted above. Some highlights include the Spanish coastal locations, the groovy percussion-oriented soundtrack, the late 60's chic and a few good-looking 60's babes. Speaking of which Reynaud was 37 during shooting and Yanni 29. Neither do much for me (they're a little too slinky), but I definitely prefer Reynaud as far as sex appeal goes. Unfortunately, with the exception of a couple of outfits, the 60's apparel they're laden with doesn't exactly augment their beauty. THE MOVIE RUNS 1 hour 15 minutes and was shot in Spain with one part in Munich, Germany. ADDITIONAL WRITERS: Luis Revenga & Karl Heinz Mannchen. GRADE: C-

With Christmas coming up I started searching round for films from auteur director "Uncle" Jess Franco that I could give to a friend as a gift.Taking a look at the titles that Anchor Bay had put out,I spotted a weird looking Spy flick,which led to me getting ready to go spying with Uncle Jess.The plot:Returning from their latest spy mission, Diana and Regina are told that they must go and track a missing Doctor Beltran who has created a formula for super- humans (as you do!) Attempting to gather info on the Beltran's location,Diana find themselves hitting dead ends,when their informants begin to get mysteriously killed.Going undercover as a nightclub act on an island,the duo soon begin using their charms on island leader Eric Vicas,who they each suspect has something to do with the killings and Beltran's disappearance. View on the film:Trimmed down from its Spanish version,co-writer/(along with Luis Revenga & Karl Heinz Mannchen) director Jess Franco offers a deliciously scrambled mix of dazzling psychedelic glamour and slick spy murky dealings.Whilst the movie has weirdly been rated 18/R in the UK, (despite there being no swearing,and only a few topless glimpses from the very sexy leading ladies)Franco gives Diana & Regina a jet set lifestyle,as Uncle Jess trademark zoom button is drizzled with vivid reds and yellows which keep up with Diana and Regina's breezy friendship,whilst the smooth Jazz from Jerry van Rooyen keeps the dirty spy dealings bubbling away.Whilst covering the duo in a glamorous appearance,the writers cross light Comedy one liners with surprisingly ruthless double dealings,as Diana and Regina's high-kicking adventures are met by back stabbing killings of anyone who tries to help the girls out! Despite their voices being dubbed,the stunning Janine Reynaud & Rosanna Yanni both give terrific performances as Diana and Regina,thanks to Reynaud and Yanni giving them a sweet natured warmth,with sly hints of the cunning espionage skills being hidden from view,as Uncle Jess joins in on the spying game.

I rather enjoyed the first RED LIPS movie, "Two Undercover Angels", despite its shortcomings, but "Kiss Me, Monster" is not just a step down, it's a high dive. This sequel is a totally incomprehensible collage of random scenes and makes its predecessor look like a model of narrative coherence and logical progression. What's more, the English dubbing is even worse this time, if that's conceivable. Even Janine Reynaud and Rosanna Yanni seem to have lost most of the spirit they had in the first movie. Besides Yanni's killer body, the film has very little going for it and it probably ranks as one of the worst spy entries of the 1960s. I give it 0.5 out of 4 stars.

Unfortunately the version of 'Kiss Me Monster' I watched was the 75 minute, badly dubbed version. I'm blaming most of the movie's inadequacies on that. I enjoyed 'Sadisterotica' as a change of pace for Jess Franco - a campy spy thriller rather than his more typical erotic nightmares on film - but this is nowhere near as good.The 'Red Lips' detective team (Janine Reynaud and Rosanna Yanni) return, as do a few Franco regulars. The plot this time around is paper thin. Some sheet music leads the girls to an island where a missing scientist has been experimenting on people. They pose as saxophonists (!) while they investigate the mysterious goings on there, which somehow involve a secret cult. There's all the usual double crosses, plot twists, skimpy outfits, and a totally gratuitous go-go dancing sequence, but the emphasis this time around is more on humour ("humour" - it isn't the least bit amusing) rather than action. Not Franco's best effort, and certainly not a good introduction to his oeuvre. 'Vampiros Lesbos' and 'Succubus' are still the best way for newcomers to begin.