2020 Texas Gladiators (1983)

I only write reviews of movies with low rating, which actually are not that bad. Give them a chance!This is not something I would recommend to everyone, but if you like apocalypse and post-apocalyptic movies then you may enjoy this one too. Not great, bot not that bad either - solid movie. It is boring in some parts, but still watchable, but I repeat, only if you really like apocalypse. I watched German dub version and that was great because of Future-Nazi soldiers that are in movie, I wonder how it sounds in English...5/10

The year is 2020.The place is Texas.The setting is the aftermath of the great nuclear war that devastated everything. In this new environment, man has deteriorated to the level of beast.The opening scene is the carnage at a "church" (which looks like a deserted warehouse with a cross, a statue, a priest dressed in all red and two nuns). Apparently these savage men (they look prehistoric) are attacking. The priest is being assaulted and nailed to a cross, while the nuns are being raped and ravaged. In the midst of this (after enough watching) our 5 Texas Gladiators appear and kill everyone who isn't a priest or nun. One of the Gladiators, Catch Dog, rapes(I'm not sure if he's successful. It looks like no to me, but the others are sure he has.) a young girl (Maida - Sabrina Siani) he's found. The other Gladiators take offense to this and dishonorably discharge him into the desert. Apparently they have a strict moral code and go around the wastelands enforcing their own brand of justice.We are then thrust into the future, where one of the remaining four (Nisus - Al Cliver) has joined Maida at this research facility where they are developing their own power supply. Apparently they have a daughter as well. Not sure when this happened. Time sure flies in the future. No wonder that gold watch is so coveted. Catch Dog then shows up with a whole bunch of guys on motorcycle and they attack the compound. Think of the Road Warrior, except change from gas to nuclear, and make everything really crappy looking. This is then followed up by Catch Dog's ally showing up in an old, beat up truck all painted black. Of course I mean Donald O'Brien and his brown jumpsuit paratroopers (they all wear black motorcycle helmets and have these giant shields with holes in them). These guys have "modern" weapons and decimate the entire facility. After, Maida gets raped yet again, Nisus is killed and we are transported, without warning, into the future again.The director, having stolen every cliché from every post-modern-cataclysm movie, begins to steal from other genres (a.k.a. - The Deer Hunter). We are now in a bar, playing Russian roulette. This is not a Christopher Walken moment. It is actually pretty dull and laughable by comparison. Anyway, it turns out Maida is now the property of this gambler. The remaining 3 Gladiators turn their attention to him, when they discover he has one of their "amulets" (its just a circular pendant with a 5 on it.... it could be a nickle with a hole in it for all we care). They win and get the girl, but two are sent off to a hard labor mine for causing so much trouble. The third rescues them and somehow Maida becomes the fourth honorary member of the group. She seeks revenge and the plan becomes to take down Catch Dog and the Black One (a.k.a - Donald's O'Brien's impersonation of a bald, crazy SS officer).This movie is ridiculous on so many levels. Continuity, plot, transition, sets, props, costumes are all meaningless. This is an Italian rip off of something. This is like 2019 : After the Fall of New York, except that was actually not bad. Maybe this was the sequel to that ??Anyway, this movie is horrible. Its so bad, one can't stop laughing. The sets consist of filming in rock quarries, mines, abandoned factories/warehouses and the woods. The props all look like something that was left behind in Italy after the Nazi's were defeated. Did anyone notice the Gradius video game in the bar ? All the actors and stunt people got their 2 day course diploma from the William Shatner School of Acting and Fighting. We also get a lot of travel time (think Manos : The Hands of Fate). We get to see a lot of going somewhere, either by walking, running or driving. What is nice is Sabrina Siani. She was very hot. She gets plenty of screen time (this includes her numerous rape scenes) and a lot of running is involved. If one was careful enough and seen many of these Italian knock-offs, one might notice the familiar breasts. Yes, thats right. She's the body of Ocran, from Lucio Fulci's Conquest. The movie is not quite as smooth as 2019, but it has it's own moments. It is quite silly (especially at the end when it turns into a western) and definitely worth watching if you've got time and laughs to spare, or if you're looking for something to cheer you up. To sum it up in one idea : the director, Joe' D'Amato, is responsible for giving us Ator the Invincible (Miles O'Brien !!! NO! NO! NOOOOOO !!!!).

In a world where government has deteriorated...laws are unbinding...and cruel savages rule the wastelands, comes a new heroic breed... The "Rangers," a team comprising of disciplined, dedicated, and laconic mercenaries are on a mission...to exterminate the evils that roam in the post-nuclear world. Led by "Nisus" (Al Cliver), the roster includes "Halakron," (Peter Hooten), "Catch Dog," (Daniel Stephen), and "Red Wolfe" (Al Yamanouchi). When the going gets tough...these guys slice it up!The future is forsaken...all hope is lost and innocent lives are in despair. The asperity of the aftermath of World War III (or the *Atomic War*) has taken its toll on the human population... However, the remnants of the surviving human race must learn to rebuild their civilization and live in harmony...but too many obstacles and detours stand in their way...However, an onerous dictatorship led by the Black One (Donald O'Brien) has seized control of everything: nuclear weapons, various resources, and especially human lives to utilize as slave labor. It is now up to the Rangers to help assist the wonderfully sexy Maida (Sabrina Siani) to discomfit the Black One's plans for rebuilding a tyrannical society... A rebellion must be instigated in order to revolt the New World Order or whatever...2020 TEXAS GLADIATORS (the original title is ANNO 2020 - I GLADIATORI DEL FUTURO) is one of those movies that never ceases to amuse me! The melodramatic moments are sometimes sickening yet I enjoyed the perfunctory thrills and dramatic scenes which both serve to keep genre fans satiated. Directed by none other than the late, notorious Joe D'Amato (whose real name happens to be Aristide Massaccesi, but in this production, he also goes by the pseudonym Kevin Mancuso), 2020 TEXAS GLADIATORS is highly derivative. Virtually ideas and motifs from every other film in this particular sci-fi genre are stolen, cut-and-pasted into this drivel. Unfortunately, 2020 TEXAS GLADIATORS lacks the poignancy, the strength, intelligence, and imagination of a well-established motion picture.With those statements said, I had a hell of a fun time watching this film. The nonstop action keeps this film moving at a steady, energetic pattern. The enlightening, dead heat violence is rampant and overwhelmingly overweening. Worthwhile highlights to watch include the Russian Roulette scene, the evil laugh courtesy of O'Brien himself, the village under siege, the prison break, the motorcycle chases, and of course, the beautiful foxy ladies. Enjoy rooting for the heroes as they raise hell and wreck havoc by the film's climax with a little assistance from a few Native Americans. Do not forget to pay attention to Donald O'Brien's performance of a lifetime as a neo-Nazi sadist with a penchant for torture and wealth. This character, played by O'Brien is perhaps one of the funniest fictional villains ever devised. He gets away too furtively with a way over-the-top role ever since his portrayal as a mind-bending, homicidal doctor in DOCTOR BUTCHER, M.D. (1979).A special panegyric acclamation goes to Sabrina Siani. She is certainly one lascivious actress who knows how to make your pulse beat faster! Siani is definitely a magnificent Italian beauty whose elegance, personality, and the luscious facade help make viewing this movie a bit more bearable. Her presence alone makes this film worth seeing...Just a tidbit, the title is once again a misnomer! Here's a pondering, perplexing, and ambiguous question: What does this film have to do with "Texas Gladiators?"In spite of this film's ridiculousness, you will be mesmerized at the high voltage intensity of this spectacle. The cast is lively and prepossessing, plus this film moves at an unwontedly breathless pace. You can argue that this film is bereft of creativity, coherence, flair, and class, but what's the point of grousing about the film's foibles? This film is NOT great by any means, but it is delightfully entertaining on many levels (in a purely superficial matter, of course).If you like movies with an absence of both logic and novelty, along with a melange of faceless antagonists and heroes who are poor decision makers, then this hideously dubbed film will appeal to you. Plus, revel in some really miserable special effects, inept acting, and unintentional laughs... Pop the champagne and enjoy!RATING: ** out of ****.

I caught some of this ultra-cheese rip-off on Joe Bob's MonsterVision. I laughed, I cried. I squirmed during the tense and moving roulette scene because of Chris Walken's portrayal of... oops, wrong movie. I was engrossed by Mel Gibson's portrayal of a hollow loner surviving in the post-apocalyptic wastes... oops, wrong movie. I endured what I could and flipped to Starz, where they were showing "Playing God," with Agent Mulder and the Falcon (or was it the Snowman?), which wasn't much better. So, I just poured another drink and flipped between the two, and made it a truly memorable Saturday night in front of the cathode-ray opiate.