Horrors of Spider Island (1960)

Goodness, where to start!? The makers of this movie took a German horror-porn film, edited out all nudity and sex scenes, and repackaged it as a horror film aimed at children. The result is everything you would expect from a movie that has had its very reason for being cut out.There's no real plot, no character development, and no budget to speak of. The monster costume is absolutely pitiful, and the monster is so slow moving that only a geriatric, a blind person, or a complete moron would be in any danger from it. Of course these bimbos, in addition to being annoying and poorly dubbed, are idiots, and are imperiled by the spider/wolf/man thing. Not that it ever comes close to being scary.Frankly, the parts that were removed were probably the only ones anyone would have found worth watching, but there's still far too much sleaze for me to be remotely comfortable with the idea of children watching this trash. It was so pathetic that I stopped watching halfway through. And that was the MST3K version!

With a title like this I was expecting a much different movie than I got. This is mostly a sexploitation film with scantily clad women, that was probably somewhat risqué for it's time. The plot has to do with a plane full of models crashing near a remote island. They don't notice any giant spiders on the island except for the dead professor in a large web. You won't notice any giant spiders either. The terrible effects consist of a few spiders as big as dogs, that look more like sloths than arachnids. One bites a guy and he turns into what I guess is supposed to be a half human spider, but the makeup job looks more wolf-like. He scares a few models, but that's it for the horror. Overall, this movie can't decide if it's a horror, action or love story . . .it is definitely not good enough to pull off all three genres. If you are looking for somewhat cheezy and fun spider flicks I'd recommend "Earth Vs. The Spider" or "Tarantula". If you're a completist, try to pick this one up somewhere for a couple of bucks, otherwise forget it.

For those of you who think that Peter Parker's superpowers are what happens with a spider's bite than you best look at what happens to Alex D'Arcy in Body In The Web. Because I sure can only think of one other reason to see this film and that might not be enough.D'Arcy is putting together a troupe of dancers and it's him and this troupe of about ten beauties who crash in the sea on the way to Singapore and get stranded on a tropical island. Which happens to be rich in uranium and some spiders got into that uranium which has produced spiders the size of table tops. And when they bite you don't get the powers of Spiderman.This is a German production dubbed in English for American release and better had it been kept in Das Reich. Even the sight of all those bathing beauty types in various stages of undress is not enough reason to inflict this on yourself.

This movie's idea is one for a regular porno movie; which, of course, you won't get here.HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND gets a nice sexy start, with a group of hot young women who seem intent on going to Singapore—as dancers: the blonde May, Rhonda, Babs with the golden legs—beautiful women in peril—which kind of comes directly from the pulps of weird menace and foretells a genre masterpiece like SLAVE OF THE CANNIBAL GOD (yeah, the script even has the uranium searchers).Getting lost with these young dancers on an island makes one happier than the Bounty mutineers. An exciting is conventional script is though spoiled by sheer incompetence, and also a cast of cute babes is thus wasted; the whole flick is blunt, badly made, it lacks the necessary sharpness and gusto, though I kind of enjoyed it.The last third of the movie is underachieved porn.'A real man is interested in only one girl.'