Lethal Ninja (1992)

For Fans of bad movies, Amazon Prime is a gold mine. The vast majority of the selections go from the ridiculous to the redonkulous, including Bloodlock, Breeders, and Night of the Demon (a personal favorite). I added Lethal Ninja to my watchlist hoping for the David Heavener vehicle featured on Best of the Worst. It wasn't. Oh Lordy it wasn't. I was roughly five minutes into it when I heard my doorbell ring. I thought it was the ringing in my head (watch the movie and you'll understand), but it persisted. I opened the door, and there stood Miss Watson exclaiming "Face it, tiger! You just hit the jackpot." Oh yes. Oh yes. Oh Hell yes! If Amazon Prime is a schlock mine, I just hit the motherlode.Two "actors" pretending to be Michael Dudikoff and Steve James go to Africa(?) to rescue not-Michael's wife from the clutches of Dr. Evil if he were played by the child of Sigfreid and Roy. Instead of going "plot point" by "plot point", I think I'll just state what the "film" has going for it.A Fake Nostradamus prophecy about a savior from the east, who comes from the west.A ninja who feels it necessary to teach people how to breathe. It's difficult, I know.The most effeminate yet clichéd villain I've ever seen, down to the monocle and black cigarette holder.The Carousel of Carnage.A song that reminded my of my acid reflux disease.The Roller Derby of Death. Should this film ever catch on, this scene will be up there with the popcorn scene in Troll 2 and the horny nurse scene in Samurai Cop. It's that incomprehensible.A hapless ninja who get belted in the face with the backblast from a rocket launcher. Not intentionally.The Waterslide of Slaughter.Acting that can best be described as a cry for help.So much non-medy that Rich Evans will kill himself.Lastly, a plot that's harder to follow than Miami Connection.Lethal Ninja is amazing. I just watched it, and it's already one of my favorite bad movies. I wanted to give it ten stars, but I thought that would be misleading, so it's bottomed out. Just like the alcoholics who made this.

I bought Lethal Ninja in a buy one get one free offer when I bought the Ninja Terminator/ Ninja Dragon double disc, Lethal Ninja isn't a great movie but it is alright. The film is low budget but some of the action pretty cool, one scene that is kind of funny is seeing the Ninja's roller blading around the main hero Joe and then he just beats some of them up as they try to attack him, the box says "From the makers of American Ninja" so that made me more interested in seeing Lethal Ninja. The plot sees the main hero's wife trying to figure what's made the water go bad when suddenly her colleges are killed by a group of Ninja's, she's then taken away meanwhile her husband Joe is training some kids when suddenly he's told his wife has been kidnapped so with the help of his friend they go off to rescue her. Lethal Ninja is a pretty good Ninja movie that should be seen with a group of friends. Check it out.

Where to start? This movie is crap. I didn't watch the whole thing but I saw enough to know that this movie makes most low budget films look like masterpieces, OK maybe that is a bit too harsh.The movie starts off with a helicopter flyover that looks like its from the 60's. As it goes on it looks it may have been made in the late 70's or early 80's. But that isn't the worst part.The acting in the movie is simply horrible. Some of the worst acting I have ever seen. The guys wife sees her scientific base blow up and just stays there with a stupid look on her face.Another annoying thing about the movie is its crappy audio that makes the movie look like it was 50% dubbed.There's nothing quite like the refreshingly annoying and destructing movie with dubbed audio that makes you second guess every actors voice.The best part of the movie is the choreography. Just take a moment to ponder the wonderful choreography that was in such TV shows as Batman (1960's). Now take even more uncoordinated actors and doubles and add slow motion. That kinda sums up how crappy the fight scenes are.This movie is almost unbearable. Go see it or rent it on DVD (why in the hell would they release it on DVD anyways) if you want to torture yourself or someone you love.

I believe I understand this movie. The message is:If you have a problem you only have to wait, to hit the guys who try to kill you with only one beat or turn out the lights with your ninja-sword. ...Am I wrong ?It is fun and pain to watch the hero of this movie, Ross Kettle (called "Joe" in the film), trying to look cool, pretending to fight with big men, knocking them down after almost no fighting and grabbing bigger men's...you know.Problem 1: Ross Kettle is no action hero, he was good in "Santa Barbara" (a soap opera) and without him you could forget the movie completely, but he is just not right for the part.Problem 2: One of the worst actresses I've ever seen: Karyn Hill, who plays Ross Kettle's kidnapped wife. Anyone could have been a better choice. If she was at least naked to convince us with her breasts...Problem 3: The story...what story ? It would be ridiculous trying to explain what happens. It doesn't matter !Problem 4: Explosions are nice and good fights are interesting, but is it really necessary to hear a sound like when Batman and Robin of the original Batman-series beat someone up, every time Ross Kettle, the hero (a joke, sorry), is knocking someone down ? Besides, there are no good fights here and explosions look like from a cartoon.Pretending to be a movie for adults. Not even children would care, or perhaps the little ones !