Carnival Magic (1983)

One of the most horrendous "kids" movies ever made, Al Adamson's Carnival Magic takes place in a grimy carnival in the dying days of the American circus, when theme parks were beginning to take over. "Markov the Magnificent", a traveling mesmerist who's kind of a mix of Dr. Strange, the Beastmaster, and Jesus, is very near getting kicked out of the carnival, when it's discovered he has something special in his trailer...Alex, the talking chimp! (Played by Trudi, an elderly female chimp). Can Alex save Markov's employment? Will Alex get involved in poorly filmed Hal Needham knockoff antics? Will the EEEEEEVVVIIILLLL lion tamer try to do something bad to Alex out of jealousy? All these questions and a bunch more you never wanted to ask will be answered over the course of Carnival Magic. Once you get in, be sure to stay tuned so you can see one of the most idiotic "inspirational" endings ever filmed. Grungy, robotically acted, and paced at the speed of a brontosaurus going uphill in January, Carnival Magic has something for everyone to hate.

Honestly, the only interesting part of this film is the life story of the director, Al Adamson. He was murdered by a contractor, and buried in his own house. He gave his wife Regina roles in 14 of his (cheesey) films. Film quality, terrible. Script -- terrible. Sound, picture ... terrible. Mystery Science Theater 3000 highlighted one of his films, "Carnival Magic". Don Stewart is "Markov", who has a talking chimp, which steals the show in the failing carnival. Stewart spends most of the film shirtless, in an effort to boost the ratings. Awful. Terrible. Did I mention its pretty bad? They keep referring to "Alex" the chimp as HE and HIM, but acc to the credits, the chimp is actually a male, and in addition, is voiced by a female, in spite of the fact that Alex has a low, weird, gravelly voice. Mystery Science 3000 version, currently showing on Netflix. Mildly interesting, but ain't no thang. Turrible. Turrible.

Carnival magician Don Stewart (as Markov) is fired from his job, but gets it back when he makes his talking chimpanzee companion "Trudi" (as Alexander) part of the act. The attention has a bad side effect when "Alex" is chimp-napped by a mad scientist and jealous lion tamer who think he may be the missing link. Director Al Adamson's wife Regina "Gena" Carrol (as Kate) is Mr. Stewart's bosomy assistant. Fortunately, Stewart kept his day job on "The Guiding Light" serial. Even more fortunately, Mr. Adamson's threatened sequel "More Carnival Magic" (1982) did not materialize.*** Carnival Magic (1981) Al Adamson ~ Don Stewart, Jennifer Houlton, Howard Segal, Mark Weston

The wonderful thing about living in Seattle is being able to choose among the many revival theaters that we film snobs have access to. On any given weekend we can choose between horror epics like Evil Dead, Psycho and Carrie; John Hughes' teen-angst epics like Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club and Pretty In Pink; or just plain obscure epics like Al Adamson's Carnival Magic.Now, Carnival Magic comes nowhere close to resembling an epic in the Cecil B. DeMille vein, but does remind me of a particularly painful epic experience that I had at the dentist's office when I was around ten. The dentist pried, drilled, scraped and pulled for what seemed to have been ten hours and after the enamel and bone dust settled, I was a couple of pounds lighter and a much stronger human animal. If you are "fortunate" enough to witness Carnival Magic, I am willing to wager that your experience will approximate my dental adventure.Carnival Magic is a children's film (I think) that "stars" Don Stewart as Markov the Magician (imagine a young Harvey Keitel). Markov is a magician who has the genuine ability to read minds, levitate and bend steel bars. When not performing one miraculous feat after the other, Markov meditates and hangs out with his English-speaking chimpanzee companion, Alex (yes, you read that right). On one ominous day, the carnival owner's daughter begs Markov to put Alex into his act to save her father's fledgling fair. Markov begrudgingly agrees. At first, ticket sales soar and Markov and Alex are carny heroes. Unfortunately, the jealous alcoholic tiger-tamer, who was once the main attraction, becomes tired of playing second fiddle to the damn dirty ape and decides to kidnap Alex and sell him to a vivisectionist.As I'm sure you have surmised, Carnival Magic is sort of a simian version of Day of The Dolphin but, regrettably, Al Adamson is no Mike Nichols and Don Stewart is sure as Hell no George C. Scott.This film contains endless scenes of North Carolinians (nothing against people from North Carolina, it's just where it was filmed) riding carnival rides, playing games and eternally sitting watching Markov perform his magic. Occasionally, the film kicks out of "She Freak" gear and grinds into never-ending inane dialogs between Markov and the other fair folk. In one infinite scene we discover how a former beauty queen is transformed, without supernatural assistance, from Miss Arkansas to Markov's assistant through a series of hard-luck choices she has made. Watching paint dry can be more fun.I won't give away the big surprise ending, but if you make it that far you deserve the big payoff - bring plenty of Kleenex.Critics and so-called film fans endlessly rail on about Edward D. Wood, Jr.s' Plan 9 From Outer Space, heralded as the "worst film ever made", (obviously, these people have never seen "Eight Heads in a Duffle Bag"), but you never hear anyone giving speeches about Carnival Magic. Well, that's just plain wrong. Carnival Magic is a cinematic endurance test of the highest caliber. It takes a magnanimous spirit to sit through an entire screening of Carnival Magic but once you do, you'll be altered forever.Sitting through this film rather reminded me of my younger-self sitting in that unholy dentist chair. Sure, I had to white-knuckle it through the entire process, but it has made me a stalwartly cinema survivor. If I can sit through that, I can take anything they throw at me. If you consider yourself a true cinemaphile, (you must if you've read this far), you owe it to yourself to see Carnival Magic. Take it from me, you'll be a stronger viewer for it.