Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare (1987)

I don't remember where I first heard of this movie but at some point as I was perusing the used DVD aisle for movies I wanted I came across this and something seemed to trigger a memory. Not of the movie itself, but of the frontman Jon-Mikl Thor. Admittedly I knew next to nothing of this Canadian strongman but there was something about the title and his name that made me buy it. To be honest I probably would have bought it simply for the cover art alone. And after a couple days I finally watched it all the way through and sat back to wonder on what exactly it is that I had seen. You need to understand that I love bad movies. The worse the better. There's this kind of fascination when something is terrible in every sense of the word but the cast is giving it their earnest best. Often times that results in the beloved "so bad it's good" movies. But that's less a truism than an occasional accident because this movie is anything but.The movie is boring and that's possibly the worst critique that you can give a movie. From the opening when we see the band's van driving along the highway, it just goes on forever. It doesn't break it up for anything. It just continues and this is what we get to look forward to for the rest of the movie. Interspersed with pointless scenes are the musical numbers. I get it. Jon-Mikl Thor was a musician. Doesn't mean his music was any good and while I love 80's cheesy hair metal, this isn't a really good example of it. I get it that this was done by amateurs. I get it that this had no budget so the monsters looked like crap. I get it that they didn't even have a catering budget. none of that matters because there have been movies that cost nothing to make that show how inventive some filmmakers can be. And of course I need to mention the elephant in the room, the guy that plays Stig had to absolute WORST Australian accent ever. I don't know if he was trying to go for something funny or if he was supposed to be a goofball or something. Putting on an funny accent doesn't make a character. It's a character that puts on a funny accent. Do you understand the difference? Then of course after he's possessed he loses the accent and nobody seems to notice or care. Is this something he does? A thirty second throwaway line could solve that problem but they just ignore it or assume that the audience automatically gets it.The climax of the movie is a complete joke with Thor fighting a paper mache demon that seriously looks like it's going to fall over at any point. It doesn't even look like he's fighting it but just uselessly flailing at it. The result is actually quite silly when you get down to it.All in all, unless you're into terrible movies there's really no reason to see this one. Save your money and just watch Birdemic or The Room again. Trust me, it'll be more entertaining than this.

I'm 2:25 into this movie and I'm already screaming at the TV in glee. A farmhouse, somewhere that feels like Canada, with a mother — who has hair that feels like the 80s — is making eggs and calling everyone to eat. Then, a scream, to which her husband replies with all the intensity of someone answering a telemarketer. He opens the stove to a skull faced demon and screams as his son watches.Cue the credits — it's time for Rock 'n Roll Nightmare!This film stars Jon Mikl Thor, who Wikipedia tells us is "the first Canadian to win both the Mr. Canada and Mr. USA titles. During his bodybuilding career, he has achieved over 40 titles around the world. As a musician, he is the front man for the heavy metal band Thor, billing himself as "The Legendary Rock Warrior."" Thor used to appear in the back pages of 80s metal mags like Hit Parader and Circus, but no one I knew had ever heard any of his albums. You may know him from this insane clip of him dancing and singing that the Found Footage Festival has uncovered:Let me further quote from Wikipedia: "Thor started the concept Thor in 1973. He combined strength feats, props, costumes and showmanship with music: his feats included bending solid steel bars in his teeth and having solid concrete blocks smashed off his chest with a sledgehammer." Seriously, Thor sounds like the greatest man who has ever lived. And his latest band is called Thor and the Ass Boys, so he has that going for him. Seriously, I do believe Thor himself descended from Asgard, down the Rainbow Bridge and used Mjolnir to write his very own Wiki page.Getting back to the movie, the credits sequence ranks among the longest and worst shot credits I've ever seen in my entire life. It's even worse than the credits in fellow Canadians Bob and Doug McKenzie's Mutants of 2051 A.D. It's shot after shot of pre-Go Pro footage of a camera racing along a dark house, as if we are to find some terror in the accouterments and candles and bric a brac.What follows next can only be described as fetishistic shots of a white custom van — complete with DUCKER license plate — as it grooves and grinds and rocks its way down the highways and byways of Canada, complete with the ever beefy Thor at the wheel. I'm writing this at 5 AM and my reality is always a bit skewed, but these shots go through more than one song, which is like a wrestling match lasting three commercial breaks. It just isn't done. If the director's intent was to show us how remote the farmhouse they're traveling to is, he succeeded with three and a half minutes of watching a white van slowly drive. I'm shocked we didn't get a slow motion scene of turn signals going on and off or break lights slowly being depressed. These are the moments in genre films where you wonder: am I watching an auteur or a complete hack…and do I even know the difference any longer?Read more at http://bit.ly/2hRkfPp

Hair metal band Triton rents out a farm house in rural Ontario to perform their music whilst doing rehearsal.Jon Mikl Thor plays the leader of the band John Triton,blond haired and heavily muscled rocker straight from Manowar.The action of "Rock'n'Roll Nightmare" moves at snail's pace between various scenes of playing crappy glam rock music and sexual sessions.The band is tormented by amateurishly looking evil demons from hell in the form of one-eyed puppets.The band members are picked off one-by-one until only Triton remains and the battle between good and evil begins.Incredibly boring and inept horror flick with phenomenally bad and amusing last 20 minutes.Jon Mikl Thor is totally dedicated to his role despite of abysmal script and wooden acting.Jon shines as The Intercessor,a warrior alpha angel.Pure super-hero battling the devil in the most hilarious fight scene ever put on film.That's why I give this crap 6 warriors out of 10.

Screw those possible spoilers. You need to read this, if only for the fact that this film is still out there, unrestrained and does not come with a warning.It is virtually unfathomable that this film was conceived by regular folks out to make a normal low budget (horror) movie. Nobody in their right minds would come up with an idea like this - or a "concept" if you will - and then attempt to actually turn it into a movie. And only an insane aspiring "producer" (or one that has lost his wits a long time ago) would decide to invest money in something like this. Coca Cola Company, at the time, did see some benefit in it, though. Understandably, since the script contained a scene where a little demon-critter gets his hand flattened by a can of Coca Cola. That's pretty much the same like saying that Coca Cola is good for you. It's a force, or a tool, of pure goodness which you can use to fight off evil. This ridiculous theory even makes perfect sense in the light of this film, as basically - if you can actually say this film is about something - it is simply about Good versus Evil and nothing more. This should also tell you exactly how ridiculously senile this miserable piece of celluloid turd is. Because you tell me now, does that sound like a concept you or I could have come up with? Like I said, this epic failure was not made by normal people. "Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare" (aka "The Edge Of Hell") really is a shock to any young/struggling filmmaker's system to see how a steaming pile of cesspool-droppings like this ever received enough money to have cranes & dollies come with the "crew" that made this film. Actually, this is not a film; it's an un-film. A thing that never should have been.It was conceived, writing & probably influenced on many levels by one person. A guy named John Mikl Thor. He also (tries to) act(s) in it. Why? Why would he want to do that? Make some sort of un-film like this and then be the "star" in it? He can't act, he can't write, he can't sing, he can't... wait, it'll probably be much easier and quicker to list the things he actually can do... Nothing.So, okay, clearly Mr. Thor is a musician. Not a very good one, I suspect. Nor does he understand anything about 'the art of making music' and show this on film. When a guitar solo comes on in a song, you can see him playing this on a bass. Playing the air guitar would have been cooler, Mr. Thor. A shame nobody bothered to tell you that. Or perhaps they did, and you just wouldn't listen, right? Also, he's clearly the 'very wrong' type of musician. As becomes evident by the way he just plays his plain self in this flick. If it's so obvious that you've never written down a single musical note on a piece of paper, Mr. Thor, then don't sit your ass down in this movie and pretend that you can while trying to get your 'perfect love song' right. Mr. Thor might eat the cake, but his band members don't munch on sloppy seconds either. Extremely bad third-rate hair-band/poser hard rock music is what we are presented here. There's quite a bunch of sequences where the whole band can be seen rehearsing songs in their barn. But it's not a rehearsal of course. It's just the band performing (i.e. play-backing) like they would 'live', acting all stupid as if they are performing on some imaginary stage. In this case, it looks like they are trying to make it resemble a 7th-rate music video (shot in a barn, for about 3 complete & truly horrible songs). Even a blind guy can see that Mr. Thor just wanted to shamelessly promote his atrocious music and that a very bad horror themed un-film with no plot would be the best way to reach the kids. I suspect the music-vids-shot-in-a-barn segments where intended & created to have them easily removed from the film & turn them into an "official" music video that would hopefully get them some airplay on national TV. That's a pretty lousy scheme there, Mr. Thor.What's this movie about, actually? Well,... nothing. Absolutely nothing. A house. A barn. A bad hard rock band. Horribly dated fashion trends. Abominable music. Ugly people. Sex, nudity, sex. Talking about doing drugs but never actually taking some. Demonic possession. Demon critters. People disappearing, maybe one guy died but I can't recall seeing it. Tits & ass, both male & female. Groupies. Groupies having sex. Groupies vanishing. Groupies re-appearing. An empty house, eventually. A family with a kid from the past. A family with a kid from the past for which we get no explanation. Amazing latex & prosthetics SFX. Superb halloween masks. And an utterly baffling climactic end-battle/boss-fight... here it comes: The devil (a life-sized demon puppet on strings & sticks) appears. Mr. Thor tears off his shirt. Now he looks like a total barbaric moron and then he proclaims he's an arc angel. He proceeds to battle the devil-demon. Another song comes on and they just hold hands & dance in circles until the song ends. Devil-dude goes up in smoke after that. Then there's a final shot of some empty street with houses in some suburban area which I absolutely didn't get, and this un-film ends.This "movie" is impossible to grasp. A product extracted from a deluded mind. But who cares? It's not like anybody died or animals were harmed while making this movie. The film, in whichever format you might find it, does need a warning sticker to come with it, in my opinion. Something like... Caution: This movie can be hazardous to your health. Viewing this without alcohol may cause brain damage.