Elves (1989)

After performing a ceremony in a graveyard, a group of teenage girls find themselves being stalked by a race of elves summoned by a Nazi scientist looking to create a master race by inbreeding one of them with the elves and must find a way to stop it.This here was quite a decent enough effort. One of the better elements for this one is the fact that there's quite a pronounced and distinctive atmosphere present here that runs throughout this one. Starting with the manner of how they manage to resurrect the creatures in the first place with the chilling cemetery scene in the opening sequence, there's a strong series of suspenseful stalking scenes throughout the first half showing the elves point-of-view scurrying along after their potential victims leading to some decent shots of them close to the ground which makes their creation a little more believable. That leads into the somewhat enjoyable action scenes here with the creature taking out the loner in the break room at the department store, the creature's first attack on the house where it stalks her family members which is written off as a dream and the more action-film centered attack on the friends at the department store which turns into a fine gunfight within the aisleways which is quite a nice feature which helps to make this one quite action-packed and pleasing. Likewise, the final half features quite a lot of enjoyable action here with the race to get away from the creatures and the Nazi agents leading into the solid finale in the woods which is a nice blend of surreal imagery and fantasy-based action that makes for a nice overall time to this and ends this on a fine note. The other good part here is the fact that this one did manage some nice effects work on the creature and the various kills here which aren't quite graphic but has a nice look to them. These here make this one quite fun, although there are a few flaws with this one. The film's biggest issue is the fact that it doesn't really know what it really wants to be as this one really seems to feature quite a scattered overall plot line. The notion of the girls' troubled home-life works nicely, but it doesn't match up to anything that comes later on, the sudden inclusion of the action-film scenario with the department store shootout is completely odd to randomly throw into the film and the utterly bizarre storyline about the occult Nazi experiments is handled with such ludicrous explanations and reasoning that the whole thing feels underwritten and half-baked. Forcing him to go running around to the various authority figures on the subject to get the whole story out makes no sense when it could streamline everything by making one person be the expert or at least have the team gathered together at one spot would've made much more sense beyond the sheer lunacy of the whole situation. The other problem with the film stems from the rather lax and stifling pacing that doesn't really have a lot of action throughout here as there's quite a lot of times featuring nothing of any real interest as it lets the mystery play out here which really keeps the action out of the first half for the most part. These here really hold it back.Rated PG-13: Graphic Language, Violence, Brief Nudity, drug use and violence-against-animals.

The plot of "Elves" is painfully stupid:after the local department store Santa is stabbed in the crotch by a Nazi elf Dan Haggerty takes the job but soon regrets his decision when he accidentally meets the girl who the elf is chasing.It seems that she's the only virgin in town whose grandfather is also her father and if the elf takes her virginity at midnight on Christmas Eve then their child will be the Antichrist!"Elves" is silly and horrendously bad.Worst of all there is only one elf.However I must admit that I laughed few times during this obnoxious pile of crap.The acting is wooden,the special effects stunk and the lighting is poor.Even the death scenes are bad.2 out of 10.

This isn't a good film, but it's a pretty good bad film. Troubled blonde teen Kirsten (Julie Austin) has a horrible home life that rivals just about everything Linda Blair went through in her 1970s film adventures. Her dad is out of the picture (or so she thinks). Her mother (Deanna Lund) is an icy mega-bitch whose idea of punishment is tapping into her daughter's savings account. Her kid brother Willy (Christopher Graham) is an obnoxious perv who likes to look at her boobies. Her German grandfather (Borah Silver) is a wheelchair bound weirdo who slaps her around for staying out too late. Needless to say, Kirsten is having a hard time getting into the holiday spirit. On top of all that, she's having these strange dreams which have something to do with some book or her family lineage or a drawing she made. It's all rather muddled and hard to understand. Kirsten, along with her bimbette friends Brooke (Laura Lichstein) and Amy (Stacey Dye), decide to hold some sort of séance out in the middle of the woods. Before they can even get started, Kirsten cuts her hand on a busted glass candle. Blood gets on the ground, the girls leave and out pops a rubbery elf monster! Not elves. An elf. Just one of them. Don't expect GREMLIN like monsters running around killing everyone despite the title.Kirsten works at a department store. It's Christmastime and her boss is being a jerk. He threatens to fire her after she knocks out the guy playing Santa for trying to feel her up. The elf sneaks into the store and kills the mean Santa by stabbing him in the crotch about 10 times with a knife. Police show up and basically do nothing. Homeless, out of work former store detective Mike McGavin (Dan Haggerty) is hired on to replace the dead Santa. Despite the mysterious murder and a mad killer still on the loose who was just there earlier that day, Kirsten, Brooke and Amy decide to have a secret slumber party after hours in the store. They invite three guys over (who never make it inside), put on make-up, try on ugly lingerie, decide what tents they want to boff their boy toys in and end up getting attacked by both the elf AND some heavily armed posse of mystery men who somehow know all about what's going on. Only Kirsten and Mike end up getting out of the store alive, but there's more fun in store for young Kristen when she gets home. As it turns out, Kirsten is of a rather special bloodline. The Nazis are after her because they know she is the key to reviving the "Master Race." They know that only a virgin who is the bi-product of father-daughter incest is suitable to mate with an elf to bring on the second coming of the Third Reich. Will the rubbery elf fiend be able to wine, dine and consummate its relationship with Kirsten? Does Kirsten now wish she'd given it up to her mullet-sporting suitor in the home improvements section earlier in the film? See what happens ladies when you save yourself for marriage. Tragic consequences always ensue. You'll either get a lot of innocent people killed because cannibals want to sacrifice you or you'll get lots of innocent people killed because elves want to mate with you to create Nazis.In addition to the wacky plot, this one has lots of profanity, lots of bad taste, lots of bad acting, lots of quotable terrible dialogue, lots of hideous 80s hair and clothes, a little gore and even some nudity, most of which is provided by the evil mother character when she gets electrocuted in the bathtub when the elf throws a radio in. It's all pretty awful, yet entertaining nonetheless.

OK, I'm normally not the kind of guy who thinks bad movies are funny. If I see a movie that is truly terrible, then I may have a couple of laughs, but I will be disappointed overall. That's why I am finding it hard to say, as nearly everybody who has seen the film does, that Elves is a bad movie. I loved it. I don't think that I have ever laughed so hard at a movie in all of my life. Here's a memorable quote. Grizzly Adams, let me repeat, GRIZZLY ADAMS: "Tell me about the connection between the elves and the Nazis." If you find this line at all interesting or humorous then I have to say, SEE ELVES. The story: A Nazi grandfather has selectively inbred to create a girl who, when impregnated by an elf, will create the Nazi 4th Reich: An army of Nazi elves who will take over the world! Yeah, this plot is incredibly stupid, but you have to admit that whoever thought up this idea was a pretty creative individual, and I give him a lot of credit. The movie follows the young girl who is being hunted by a sex crazed elf and Grizzly Adams' character, who is doing everything in his power to try and help the girl. Grizzly is pursued by a group of unknown men who are attempting to stop his hunt for the elf at any cost. This results in an especially gut-busting scene in which we see Grizzly Adams dive roll out of a speeding car right before it explodes. HAHA! I'm laughing right now just thinking about it. Do you want to see a perverted department store Santa killed by a mutant elf who stabs him repeatably in the genitalia? See Elves. The acting is great, and by great a mean absolutely hilarious; it's NOT that bad, it's just really funny. I suppose I am really hyping this movie up. I watched it with a large group of friends who all claimed that the movie was bad, and yet they were laughing just as hard as me through the whole thing. Maybe you will think Elves is a bad movie, but I'm sure you'll get a kick out of it.